Thread 219: Dating in a winter wonderland

[Shayelle2009]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

[quote Isitreallyme177]@ibelieveinmirrorballs who knows but right now I am happy with life, work is going well, I am finally enjoying the gym again and my inner gym bunny is back, I'm in a good place. Why rock the boat and cause myself unnecessary stress and worry. I am going to do what I have done all my life and take things as they come (I am far too laid back for my own good apparently). If it's meant to be its meant to be, if it's not It's not and then I have a friend who can get me cheap holidays![/quote]
I'm really missing the gym. After I sold my horse I had got into a really good gym routine but it closed. So I'm going to probably go join the uber expensive swanky one and pretend on I'm to gleneagles whenever I go

@BelladiMamma i want to go to the gym this afternoon but I currently have a dilemma. Both cats are in my room asleep, Angel has started meowing if he gets shut in his room. I don't feel comfortable leaving them alone together just yet but do I take a risk? I don't want to come back to find one of them hurt so I'm going to have to wake Angel up and shut him away for a bit which he hates.🤦‍♀️

[quote Isitreallyme177]@BelladiMamma i want to go to the gym this afternoon but I currently have a dilemma. Both cats are in my room asleep, Angel has started meowing if he gets shut in his room. I don't feel comfortable leaving them alone together just yet but do I take a risk? I don't want to come back to find one of them hurt so I'm going to have to wake Angel up and shut him away for a bit which he hates.🤦‍♀️[/quote]
Better safe than sorry. I always keep my dogs apart when I'm not at home. Just not worth it! And they'll have to meow away whilst you're at the gym

@BelladiMamma

Today's message from MrBeau

'I'm still here. I just need a minute. Don't over analyse and make me spiral.'

Oh dear. My messages have been super straightforward- how are you? Shall we meet again?

His response screams vulnerability and not being very together.

But it's Catnip central for me!! And my inner Florence is waiting in the wings for him to tell me he's a wounded soldier and needs my help. Off to sit on my hands again.

Eep. Nope. Don't make him spiral? That's not your job. And ESPECIALLY not at this stage.

I know I've been open to Mr Tux on my struggles but I'm very, very clear that it's my own issues holding me back, that he's done nothing wrong (and that I will be clear if there's something that really is an issue and we will see if it's solvable) and not to change his behaviour in any way, I don't need rescuing.

This one sounds like he wants to be fixed. With what you're after it's not going to work (and even if you wanted a relationship he sounds like co-dependant central).

Perhaps a kind but firm message to say you hope he manages to work things out... and suggest some counselling?!

@InABetterPlaceNow yeah. Just no. I need someone else- who's prepared to get more emotionally intimidate with me than MrA but who's sensitive but not crippled by it like MrBeau

[quote BelladiMamma]@InABetterPlaceNow yeah. Just no. I need someone else- who's prepared to get more emotionally intimidate with me than MrA but who's sensitive but not crippled by it like MrBeau[/quote]
*intimate

Gagging for the gym like @Isitreallyme177 and @BelladiMamma just hope my lungs clear up a bit for the weekend so I can run, makes such a difference to my MH!

I have no dating news going into the weekend but just to remind everyone....

THREAD MEET-UP London 5th-6th February!

Some people are making a long weekend of it and others coming for a drink or night out.

Exact details tbc but I think the general vibe is to meet then meet, get a bar and a nice restaurant. Sort of a main night out then probably other stuff if people are around?

I myself can’t wait, generally happy to do weekends solo but you can’t really go out in the evenings and it will be so nice to meet everyone!

(Please remember to get refundable bookings for travel etc or insurance in case of last minute Covid chaos though I think that’s unlikely now)

Maybe a bit early to set up a WhatsApp group for the meet, but if we do one in January then anyone can post suggestions of venues etc as I don’t think we should do that on a public forum x

Thank you @Shayelle2009 - Mr G does make me very happy, he's a lovely person. Having an utter nightmare with my divorce at the moment and ExH being an absolute bully, and he has been a massive support. However, his situation does NOT make me happy.

He was talking about getting a joint bank account today though to save up for things like holidays together and special weekends away and nights out and I thought that was sweet, as I'm always waiting for it to end. Like you @Onesmallstep67 @Heartbeats0708 and probably tons of us, I agree that "the path for those us us with previous hurt or sadness is always going to be a difficult one to tread". I am finding the depth of our relationship terrifying and permanently waiting for it to be over.

And @Stayingstrongish, no definitely not my Mr Beard. He probably was on viagra in retrospect but he wasn't a cuddler. He was a bastard of the highest order! Hope yours is lovelier by far.

Happy weekend everyone and hope those going on dates have spectacular ones! I shall be mostly doing my divorce paperwork and panicking...

Thread meet sounds v. exciting btw! Shame I am up North or I'd pop in to put faces to all the names on here. I wonder what the other people in the bar will think (extended family? colleagues? you could say you were a 'mutual interest group'

@UtterSocks

Well if you can get a last minute train down please do!

Well gym session didn't quite go to plan, and I'm 40 quid down. My washing machine is broken so I'm using my parents one which means I'm building my washing up (whereas usually I put a load on every day) I must have put too much in and my sports bra caught on something metal in the machine and has 'melted'🤦‍♀️ so I've just had to fork out for a new one and this one was only a couple of months old. 🤦‍♀️😫

@SpringlikeBunk hi 👋🏻 hopefully I'll have my new childcare plans in place so I'll be able to come. At the very least to show my face and also to the opera!

@Isitreallyme177 I'm calling the fancy one tomorrow. I doubt I'll meet anyone there, it's always full of women but it's lush and I'm sure I'll never ever have a wardrobe disaster 🤣

To everyone else, have a lovely weekend

@BelladiMamma I go to a no frills gym but it's clean, there's plenty of equipment and it is well looked after. Plus the staff are friendly.

[quote Isitreallyme177]@BelladiMamma I go to a no frills gym but it's clean, there's plenty of equipment and it is well looked after. Plus the staff are friendly.[/quote]
I'm totally up for that too. Just feeling like I want the outdoor pool that this one has and the totally 'extra' feel I am sure I'll get by going there 🤔

@UtterSocks You know me and my forthright questions/views....here's another one....does Mr G have anything joint financially with his ex?
I know there is a house but wasnt sure if there is a mortgage and who's name it is in?
If he has something joint with his ex and something joint with you this could impact you if she has bad credit - guilty by association.

It's not fair but does happen, on credit searches Mr G would show as linked to you and they can soft search him and then from there he would be linked to his ex.
I've known companies not give credit due to linked people who have bad credit even if the person applying is perfect.
Please be careful.

@UtterSocks Other than that a joint bank account for holidays sounds very grown up and responsible 😁

Your swanky gym sounds fab @BelladiMamma. I've been advised to swim a couple of times a week to help with a back injury but have been putting it off, ironically due to pain with said injury. I could be more tempted with a sauna to finish it off though!
Mr Beau sounds like a disaster waiting to happen, I don't like how he's putting his MH in your hands already.
@Isitreallyme177 oh no! Enjoy lunch with your mum tomorrow.
Very quiet weekend ahead for me, hoping to do some Christmassy things with DC if I can get on top of this pain 🤞 might have to factor in a viewing of Elf/The Grinch etc., for resting time of course

@UtterSocks
Don't get a joint bank account until the divorce is sorted, it has the potential of complicating your divorce

I don't know the implications in as much detail as some of you (my exh was surprisingly reasonable during my divorce) but I seem to remember @UtterSocks Mr G owned his house in his own name and his ex flitted between there and her mum's house. He didn't want to turf her out for the sake of the DD, iirc.

@UtterSocks it could imply you're cohabiting and / or sharing finances therefore you may get a lower settlement. Family law is already pretty sexist - don't give anyone an excuse to argue that you're financially dependent on a new partner

@Heartbeats0708 I've had that issue too -'do this for the pain oh but I can't drive to get myself there or life myself off the floor' - I guess best just to start in small ways.

Yes. MrBeau has fragile MH. He's giving me a slow fade and I'm grateful. Already been back on the apps today and into a couple of new conversations with my learnings in place. KBO is my motto at the moment. My life is helluva mess even though my divorce is finalised, I'm just getting the last bits of crap the ex wants to throw at me. It will probably last til DD is 18

I think I'm just going to stay in sweetshop mode on the apps. Last year I was too fragile still to really cope with the rejection. But I'm definitely now at the point where I need to actively mourn my marriage - I was just in survival mode before.

So KBO it is. Good luck with the pain 😞

Thanks @Heartbeats0708 hope you have a nice weekend too.

Yeah I hear you Bella, vicious cycle isn't it? Move so you don't seize, too seized already to move 🙃 the joy.
Mourning your marriage sounds painful but necessary. I think of it more in terms of a recovery, I have the occasional (major, at times) set back, but I don't feel it is something I'll ever "get over".

Looking forward to the London meet, spring and everyone else who can make it, WhatsApp nearer the date great idea.

Good luck to everyone with dates. I'm trying to take some selfies here and there so I can relaunch on the apps in January. Apprehensive about entering the lions' den again...

vangogh have you just finished a house/dog sitting scenario? I'm off to meet someone a couple of hours away tomorrow, with a view to looking after their house and dogs while they're away in January. I'll have to work from there, but it would be better than sharing a house with my ex as our alternative nesting accommodation is not available in January and February.

Christmas dinners and drinks have started and there are more to come. I'm quite happy about not having any irons on the go at the moment as this is when people usually see friends, family and colleagues.