So. Had a long conversation both with my Dad and also MrA about my ex. Basically I have to adjust my expectations that he isn’t there for DD. He isn’t someone we can rely on. I’m now recalibrating my work and life plans to make my building project somewhere I could have live in help. I thought I was past this stage, but actually I need a nanny again. Because the ex doesn’t want me to have a private life I need to carve it out for myself. So back to life with a nanny and the sort of set up where I basically replicate myself and have real back up.
Last night was nearly an absolute car crash.
The afternoon started really well. He was on time, nicely dressed, bought me a drink. Quiet but lovely. I was able to wear all city clothes not wellies etc because I walked the dogs before we met. Spent one hour in the first place but we didn’t like the menu so we left and went into my little local hometown and found somewhere else to eat. Lots of cuddles and chatting. Lovely snog. Bit more wandering around hometown. He’s extremely attractive (to me) and I was really happy spending time with him. He was really complimentary about small things and very attentive.
I wore some black jeans and a nice dark green top from all saints with knee high boots and petrol blue fluffy fake fur jacket from Reiss. Diamonds. Expensive watch, car, make up. Cute underwear ever so slightly on display.
In the background the home / ex crisis was brewing and I got increasingly distracted. I spoke to him a little bit about it and we decided to call it a day so that we didn’t have to stress about it. The next hour was miserable. Trying to deal with the crisis and wondering what to do if crisis blew over. MrBeau set off home. I felt completely distraught. That I was never going to meet anyone again, have a private life or get away from my ex. DD being used as emotional punchbag by him in between time. Felt totally out of control & like I didn’t know what to do and how to help DD.
At a certain point I just decided that I was going to stand my ground. And push back. Which I did. And then everything started to fall in place. I felt brave enough to call MrBeau and give him an edited version and that the situation was resolved. MrBeau drove back and came straight to mine. I cooked. Things were fine but then he opened up about how distressed he’d been by the incident earlier and couldn’t cope with what felt like rejection. It was like hearing all my darkest fears of abandonment spoken out loud. So we spent an hour just cuddling with the pooches and more alcohol may have been consumed.
Things settled down again, we listened to some music. Looked at some of his Dad’s artwork on line and then got my Dad’s photos out (my Dad was an amazing amateur photographer and took incredible shots of my Mum and her family which are as good as anything I’ve ever seen in a photographic gallery). We mooched & chatted and decided we weren’t going to be romantic / sexual partners just friends.
Fast forward half an hour and that’s completely gone out of the window 🤣🤣🤣
I had a very enjoyable night 😊
In conclusion: he’s really nice but maybe a bit too vulnerable for me to deal with at the moment. He also drinks too much but need to see if this was a nervous first date thing.
Also: I need to establish my home set up as if the ex didn’t exist.
To all the PP’s about Christmas presents. Small but thoughtful and a lovely card with a nice handwritten personal message is the way to go.
To the PP’s about boundaries and communication. I nearly threw out all my good learnings about boundaries last night. I drank too much, spoke too much about my ex. MrBeau also did the same. We would need to sort that out - especially the drinking - if we carry on seeing each other.
Communication, I love a chat, me. MrBeau and I agreed that all our communication these last few days had really helped with our being able to meet and get on and feel comfortable in each other’s company. Not sure how comms will develop now or if he and I are even a thing. Let’s see.
In the meantime bought the Christmas tree and will put that up tonight. The pooches have been barking at it since it arrived 🤣