Had hoped there wouldn't be any need to update this further, but here I am again.
So we had agreed to a way forward, I liked the method that a previous poster upthread had suggested, pitched it to him and we were in agreement thats what we would organise with the bank on Monday.
This arrangement seemed simplest and went as follows - we make savings and his current account joint.
All income goes into the current account, all bills go out from there (as they do already anyway) and we would have a standing order into savings from this account.
Then we could have a standing order of an agreed amount for personal spending leave that joint current account and enter our two separate accounts (he can use the monzo he just opened and I'd use the current account I do now).
So all sorted, no need to open any new accounts, we can have a degree of independence still but have savings joint and a day to day household spending and bills account joint.
Husband came to me this morning and said "you're not going to like this, but I don't want to make that account joint".
His current account, the one we'd agreed to add me to for shared expenses and household bills.
I don't understand this, and to me there can be no reason for this other than that he doesn't want me to be able to see previous transactions on that account- presumably from Monday I would have been able to.
Financial independence isn't a reason, he would still have his privacy with his personal day to day spending from the allowance we agreed to in the monzo account.
He can't give any good reason. Said that he'd had that account since childhood, he just didn't want to change it. But nothing would change other than allowing me access to it? This path forward is the one with least change, his salary goes in there and bills already leave that account. No-one has sentimental value attached to a bank account meaning they can't show their wife.
I'm at a loss. There is nothing to indicate any addictions, infidelity or things like that.
He's never been an open book, like I am, but I know that is not a given or expectation everyone should have.
I'm easy breezy about my passwords with him, my mobile phone etc - he is not, keeps phone on do not disturb and I would never know the password.
I was comfortable with this until now, as I've been in very controlling and jealous relationships in the past and believed in showing trust until you're given reason not to. Very sad and scared that I may have reached that point?
Appreciate anyone having read this far, I know it's quite convoluted and boring but I don't know what to do next.