New partners comments on my niece

[Londongirl899]

He's 47. I'm 33. My niece is 29. We grew up together and so we do interact quite abit on social media etc. She is attractive. Very petite and photogenic. Confident in her clothes,goes out and gets dressed up regularly and she's also a photographer so has some lovely photos. She's most likely the better looking one out of us to most men. Its never been an issue though She's my niece and I love her.

Anyway new relationship. Mentioned my niece to him on and off as we are family. He's not met her. She doesn't live local. He sees her on my Facebook ofcourse. She split from her partner 3 weeks ago and my new man suggested we could go see her for a weekend. Got his phone out and looked at train tickets. We never went,I just humoured him that maybe one day soon I'll arrange to see her. He then proceeded the next day to say she's a pretty girl. He said he can tell by her photos she's a photographer though and he Betted she wasn't always as made up. I told him she was not always made up and would often be makeup free and agreed she's a pretty girl.

She got a puppy and I showed him a photo and said there was a video of its first walk but I couldn't share it with him. He told me to tell her to send the video to me so I could show him. He then brought up that she was a good looking girl again. I jokingly said something like yes when I'm with her I feel the less attractive one. The subject moved onto my friend I'd caught up with and he got confused halfway through and said oh I thought you was on about your niece sorry.

I'm wide awake at 3am with it going over in my head. She wouldn't be interested in him and I know they won't likely meet anytime soon. But its abit of a shit feeling really that he's openly telling me he looks at her photos and had seen she's good looking. But he does occasionally tell me if someone's attractive. Just like he says what he doesn't find attractive. He always calls me beautiful too and tells me his friends think he is lucky to have me and some have mentioned they think I'm attractive.

Would you be upset by this?

Would you be upset by this?

Yes…..… Sorry but red flags galore with this one.

What's he done that you're upset by? You've showed him all the videos and photos of her, initiated by you so far? He sounds a bit of a creep admittedly. But you're with him so he has some redeeming qualities... presumably

“She split from her partner 3 weeks ago and my new man suggested we could go see her for a weekend. Got his phone out and looked at train tickets.”
He sounds obsessed!

Ditch the creepy old man.

Of course he's lucky to have you. But why are you with him?

Creepy. Can you imagine whittering on about his handsome relative? Seems weird hey. I would be very put off by this.

Yep a dirty old letch. Why are you shocked with a 14 year age gap?

Yes I'd be upset with this.
Red flags everywhere

Unless you have been very keen to go and see your neice this whole interest of his (checking tickets!!) is really weird. Is he normally so pro active!?

Sounds like attractiveness is the only thing he notices in women. How shallow and how tedious to be with someone like that.

He sounds just gross. You know what he's like now. I'd pretend that I too was all keen to visit and then tell him that she'd reconciled with her 6 foot 4 inch former marine boyfriend and just watch him squirm for sheer entertainment value. Then I'd give him the boot - ideally after he'd booked and paid for the tickets. I would make sure not to give him her addresss.

He sounds icky.

Sounds a bit odd to me

@StartupRepair

Sounds like attractiveness is the only thing he notices in women. How shallow and how tedious to be with someone like that.

Totally agree. If dh's mates said he was lucky to have someone so attractive he'd be more likely to comment that actually he was hilarious and he only loved me for my ability to beat him at Othello... He wouldn't carry the comment round like some kind of prize and evidence he could pull a fit bird (which I realise your dp didn't say that but it's the kind of comment that goes with the attitude he is showing)

He's a lot older than you and sounds creepy.

He’s got wandering eyes. Your niece won’t be the only one he’s ‘admiring’...

Vile… does he think he can meet her and she’ll instantly fall for him, and he can level up? As if…

Either he's really creepy or he's not good at understanding how this will come across to you. You'd think by age 47 he would know better though.

Someone should write a guidebook for men "How not to be a creep" and rule 12 could be "Do not talk about fancying any member of your partner's family or close friends."

Yukk. This doesn’t sound right. He’s over excited and got a fancy for your niece. Too over confident for my liking. I’d dump for this behaviour

So when are you dumping him?

He's a creepy old man.

He's absolutely pathetic. What does he think will happen when he forces an introduction? You've got to wonder what he's like in work, on nights out, at any place where anyone vaguely pretty is in his vicinity...

It just feels weird knowing he's gone looking through her pictures and then felt it was acceptable to tell me she was nice looking. Just seems immature and distasteful. I know he's male, human and has eyes so I'm not going to be the only woman on the planet he has attraction towards. But it does make me feel rubbish that he seems more attracted to her than he would me.
He's never that proactive no and I expressed no desire to go to visit her. Just feels like something that should never be said and how will I be comfortable if he meets her now wondering if he thinks she's gorgeous.

I have not gone out of my way to show him photos of her to the person who said it was me that showed him. I only showed pictures of her dog to him. The rest is online and I expected him to just see her as his girlfriends family member.

Our relationship is actually really good and I know he's always been one to speak to everyone male or female and he's perhaps more prepared than the average to say his opinion on someone. But there are certain things I'd rather not know. This is one of them.

Honestly get rid- he seems overseen to meet her

@Londongirl899 If you feel like he's a good guy in most ways then maybe it's worth trying to tell him how you feel when he does this. If he cares about you and wants to be a good guy then hopefully he can learn not to do this kind of thing any more. If he just keeps doing it after you've mentioned it then that's not a good sign.

I think you’re minimising this and starting to tolerate bad behaviour. This is him showing who he is. It’s distasteful. Don’t minimise. You don’t need a relationship with somebody of his age. You are young, you have the power. Don’t let him dictate that this is how it will be. Set your boundaries. Walk away if this makes you uncomfortable. This is an insight into him and it’s not pleasant.

He’s far older than you and old enough to be your niece’s father. He obviously ‘likes them young’. Wouldn’t be my idea of a good relationship.