New partners comments on my niece

[Londongirl899]

He's 47. I'm 33. My niece is 29. We grew up together and so we do interact quite abit on social media etc. She is attractive. Very petite and photogenic. Confident in her clothes,goes out and gets dressed up regularly and she's also a photographer so has some lovely photos. She's most likely the better looking one out of us to most men. Its never been an issue though She's my niece and I love her.

Anyway new relationship. Mentioned my niece to him on and off as we are family. He's not met her. She doesn't live local. He sees her on my Facebook ofcourse. She split from her partner 3 weeks ago and my new man suggested we could go see her for a weekend. Got his phone out and looked at train tickets. We never went,I just humoured him that maybe one day soon I'll arrange to see her. He then proceeded the next day to say she's a pretty girl. He said he can tell by her photos she's a photographer though and he Betted she wasn't always as made up. I told him she was not always made up and would often be makeup free and agreed she's a pretty girl.

She got a puppy and I showed him a photo and said there was a video of its first walk but I couldn't share it with him. He told me to tell her to send the video to me so I could show him. He then brought up that she was a good looking girl again. I jokingly said something like yes when I'm with her I feel the less attractive one. The subject moved onto my friend I'd caught up with and he got confused halfway through and said oh I thought you was on about your niece sorry.

I'm wide awake at 3am with it going over in my head. She wouldn't be interested in him and I know they won't likely meet anytime soon. But its abit of a shit feeling really that he's openly telling me he looks at her photos and had seen she's good looking. But he does occasionally tell me if someone's attractive. Just like he says what he doesn't find attractive. He always calls me beautiful too and tells me his friends think he is lucky to have me and some have mentioned they think I'm attractive.

Would you be upset by this?

@amiafreakofnature

Yep a dirty old letch. Why are you shocked with a 14 year age gap?

Nothing to do with it. Could happen in any age gap relationship. Theres 13 years between me and dp and he is nothing like op's partner. I've had creepy boyfriends of a similar age to me.

OP that's not normal behaviour and your spider senses are tingling otherwise you wouldn't be posting about it.listen to your gut. A 47 year old man immediately suggesting to go see her and getting excited about it! run for the hills on this one! Your gut isn't wrong.

Does he watch porn do you know? I can just imagine him using your niece’s photos as wank material as he just can’t stop mentioning her can he? You need to drop-kick this one back OP.

There was no need for him to tell you how attractive he thought she was; if he’s got to his age without realising some thoughts are better kept in his head then he sounds like a bit of a problem

What’s in it for you in this relationship with a man shaping up to be Pervy Uncle?

No, just no! It gives me the ick just reading this.

You are worth so much more than this creep!

Your protective spidey sense is tingling, listen to it!

More red flags here than a summer fete with resplendent bunting!

He does seem over-obsessed with physical appearance. What do you mean by saying he's more prepared than the average to give his opinion on people? He sounds quite judgmental.

Alarm bells ringing for me but then I went out with someone who did indeed contact my niece on Facebook. Fortunately she showed me all the messages and I dumped him straight away. Dirty old lech.

@Keepapromise

Alarm bells ringing for me but then I went out with someone who did indeed contact my niece on Facebook. Fortunately she showed me all the messages and I dumped him straight away. Dirty old lech.

Is it the same guy, maybe?!

Our relationship is actually really good

Do you usually have such a low bar?

One way to judge a relationship is how it makes you feel abs you felt uncomfortable enough to seek advice on here. The vast majority of posts are telling you this is really off.

I think you need to listen to the advice you've sought

It would be fun to make up a story about her coming to see you/you both going to see her for 'an event' and at the last minute ask him for a suitable Xmas gift for a man..as her boyfriend will be there too ( you forgot to mention they got back together 😈 ) Love to see him squirm.
If you stay with him there will be always be other young women he indicates interest in ( even though he may have no chance with them )
This is who he is.
Not great to always have to wonder whether the young woman is too attractive/otherwise disposed to be interested in him or not.

I'd throw him back at this early-ish stage.

Grim. Run.

Oh, and block him on all social media and make sure your niece does the same!

You must do this to protect her (and you)!

Is he as equally keen to meet other (less attractive, less female, less young) members of your family and friends, or does he only value those to whom he feels attracted?

Eugh he is perving on her and your thought is they won’t meet? Dump him.

He's probably screenshotted her pics for his wank bank
Ugh!
Get rid

Dump. Be interested to hear if he contacts your niece after you dump him.

This is how women end up in abusive or unhappy relationships. They see the red flags, in this instance a whole line of bunting of them and think well maybe I can keep them apart.

What will you do op, try to make sure they never meet? You can’t possibly think this is the only woman he’s behaving like this over. If he does this in front of you, what’s he doing when you’re not there?

End it.

Had it been that he'd just mentioned she was a good looking girl (can't see anything wrong in that, you've said yourself she's pretty, doesn't mean he fancies her) but the fact that he's itching to meet her is just plain weird.

Our relationship is actually really good and I know he's always been one to speak to everyone male or female

This is a plus point? That he deigns to speak to mere women?

Please understand at 33 you are a massive massive massive catch for a 47 year old man. He should be making you feel like a goddess. At best he's grooming you to keep you on your toes by making you worried he'll try it on with your niece. At worst he's also actually trying it on with your niece.

Please dump him and spend time with people who appreciate you.

Listen to your instincts..you are uncomfortable enough to post on a forum. Don't dismiss or invalidate your feelings waiting for concrete proof he is dodgy.

If it's a new relationship he is on his good behaviour. What's his relationship history?

I think you should revisit the age gap. It's fairly substantial and I don't think a flyer on the long run.

If he’s openly sleazing on your niece, what’s he going to be like the rest of your relationship and when he’s not around you? Probably one of those leery men who stares at teenagers and points out hot women with his mates. He sounds really grim.
Throw him back and raise your standards

What was he hoping for?;that you'd visit your niece and she'd invite him into her bedroom?

He's openly sleazing over your niece whom he'd never met or spoken to before in front of your face.

Were you hoping we'd all tell you it's okay and he'll get over it?

he's perhaps more prepared than the average to say his opinion on someone

Perhaps he needs to learn to keep his opinions to himself. I wouldn't like it either , OP. My philosophy is nothing good comes of partners discussing who they fancy. At best it's neutral, but has anyone gone "oh, I'm so glad I know my partner thinks my friend is gorgeous, it's really improved our relationship"? I don't expect a boyfriend not to notice other women, of course he will just as I'll notice hot men, but I expect them to keep shtum, and be discreet about it.