New partners comments on my niece

[Londongirl899]

He's 47. I'm 33. My niece is 29. We grew up together and so we do interact quite abit on social media etc. She is attractive. Very petite and photogenic. Confident in her clothes,goes out and gets dressed up regularly and she's also a photographer so has some lovely photos. She's most likely the better looking one out of us to most men. Its never been an issue though She's my niece and I love her.

Anyway new relationship. Mentioned my niece to him on and off as we are family. He's not met her. She doesn't live local. He sees her on my Facebook ofcourse. She split from her partner 3 weeks ago and my new man suggested we could go see her for a weekend. Got his phone out and looked at train tickets. We never went,I just humoured him that maybe one day soon I'll arrange to see her. He then proceeded the next day to say she's a pretty girl. He said he can tell by her photos she's a photographer though and he Betted she wasn't always as made up. I told him she was not always made up and would often be makeup free and agreed she's a pretty girl.

She got a puppy and I showed him a photo and said there was a video of its first walk but I couldn't share it with him. He told me to tell her to send the video to me so I could show him. He then brought up that she was a good looking girl again. I jokingly said something like yes when I'm with her I feel the less attractive one. The subject moved onto my friend I'd caught up with and he got confused halfway through and said oh I thought you was on about your niece sorry.

I'm wide awake at 3am with it going over in my head. She wouldn't be interested in him and I know they won't likely meet anytime soon. But its abit of a shit feeling really that he's openly telling me he looks at her photos and had seen she's good looking. But he does occasionally tell me if someone's attractive. Just like he says what he doesn't find attractive. He always calls me beautiful too and tells me his friends think he is lucky to have me and some have mentioned they think I'm attractive.

Would you be upset by this?

The fact that he got you and you'e quite a few years younger, he's probably got uber confident in himself. ( Not to mention that fact he is probably punching well above his weight!).

He now thinks, he has access to chat to your even younger niece. All in the pretense of being your boyfriend. He's a creep! Deep down you know it too.

You gut is screaming out - listen to it!

Some men are never happy with what they've got!

People on this thread are putting to much emphasis on the age gap and making it the key issue rather than what has happened.

I would communicate how this has made you feel OP. His reaction should be a good indicator.

If I did this to a man I was with, gushing about his nephew and wanted to see pictures, there would be all kinds of trouble.

Ditch him, ew

I'd be concerned/a bit baffled about you going out with a nearkg 50 yr old man at 33 in the first place.

In my experience middle aged men (whether divorced, separated or never married/partnered) who go out with significantly younger women are often bad news. The good ones are generally with their long term partners, not out on the dating market, and going for women who were born when they were teenagers.
They often go for younger women because they're chauvinist, shallow, have no "age appropriate" boundaries (other than a female being past puberty), and because women their age see through them much more readily then significantly younger women.

I know a few guys like this abd they tend to be a type. They often have great blarney/chat/charm (again again older women might see through faster). Their relationship histories rarely reflect well on them when you know the truth.

Love the way almost everyone has immediately called it and the op has totally ignored this. Wasting our time here, ladies.

He's making you uncomfortable (understandably) and I bet you'd hear a litany of shit behaviour if you were able to hear his partner's accounts.

Surely you can do better? You're selling yourself short. It can certainly be tough meeting a partner but dont throw yourself yourself on (I imagine) smooth talking, over confident men nearly old enough to be your Dad.

If you want kids, in say two year's time, he'll be almost 50 and that's a risk for miscarriage, abnormalities, and autism; that wouldn't be anywhere near as high with a man closer to your own age.

Also if he already has kids who aren't adults, you'd be sharing his income with them, instead of her children benefitting from their dad's full income.

*past partner accounts..

Fwiw he sounds like a bit of a creepy, sleazy, slightly predatory, "greedy", inappropriate man ... and no wonder he's been out on the dating market in his late 40s.

He's gross, what a sleaze.

Creepy weirdo
It’s bad enough he would keep telling you how attractive someone else is but trying to arrange to go and see her is another level
He’s awful

Oh nooo. He's messing with you. No normal, decent guy would dare to be so obvious.

I bet he is a letch online... bit of a perv for young girls... it would put me off him so much!

He sounds creepy. Obvs you do you, but if that was me I would ditch him - those red flags would niggle away at me.

He sounds creepy and also just a bit thick - even if he does thing she attractive, he ought to be bright enough not to mention that to you!

I have a couple of truly gorgeous nieces, dh has never commented on their looks, ever. Some shallow people are always remarking on looks so on its own its not weird, but looking for tickets to visit her is strange i think, he doesn't know her, so wanting to visit her is odd. I think you can do better than this man op.

I'd be interested to know how hed react if you were behaving like this about his younger, attractive brother/nephew/whatever.

You say new partner too; he's acting like this early in the relationship, can't even rein it in (probably a hood thing for you) early on.

This thread makes me sad - you know this is all wrong, everyone is telling you it’s all wrong but I guarantee you will stick with him in the hope he doesn’t meet your niece. Your niece is not the issue, he is.

Wanting to buy tickets to go see her after a break up... wtf?! Unless he also gets this excited to plan trips away with you, you know he just wants an excuse to meet her.

He does fancy her more and would likely dump you if he thought he stood a chance with her. Don't end up with a man who so openly fancies another woman, and isn't even subtle about it. He can notice other women being attractive but should make you feel like you're the hottest woman out there. He isn't.

I would break up with him.

What woman ever did this?

Oh look how hot your nephew is. He’s so good-looking. He’s better looking than you. Why don’t I book train tickets to go and see him? Give him my phone number so I can message him.

Sounds creepy, doesn’t it?

Also he's a creepy lech. Going through her photos online knowing she's attractive is so ick. She's your niece for crying out loud.

This is definitely something I wouldn’t like and would probably dump

What was his response when you told him you feel like the lesser attractive one when you're with your neice?

I think he is deliberately making you insecure. It's not nice, either nip it in the bud or dump him.

Reminds me of what a wise woman recently posted on another thread:

OP: my partner's acting like a dick
MN: he's a dick
OP: no, he's lovely really!
MN: what's lovely about him?
OP:
Random latecomers: you're all dried-up man-haters