Dating Thread 218: The one where we're respectfully selfish

[WeWantTheFinestWines]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Oh if a man smells nice 😍

@Heartbeats0708

Physical appearance/"types" are so individual aren't they?! I don't have a strong preference, just not too chunky but absolutely not skinny for me. It's random things that attract me though, the usual clichés like eyes and smile but different in that I'm not looking for perfect pearlies or whatever, it just has to be a warm and genuine smile that lights up the eyes. And good forearms, warm hands. Good broad shoulders and the perfect (for me) aftershave. Christ I can tell I haven't seen Mr D for a week 🤣

^ all of this

I mean MrA is physically gorgeous but also he has a real twinkle in his eye and a gorgeous smile and gives the best cuddles.

Aaaaaargh.

The new iron MrBeau has a lovely voice and curly dark blonde hair plus his French is excellent. So he's not a bad replacement 🤣

YES that twinkle in the eye! Agh it gets me every time.
And when they're so "capable" doing stuff like parallel parking (bonus points if they put their hand on the back of your headrest). Just daft things really.
Lol at the bumbag @Naimee87 I'd forgotten they existed!
Sounds like you have a hot iron there Bella!

I like a head of thick dark hair, a bit foreign looking! Swarthy! 🧔🏻‍♂️

Fairish and chunky here please. Glad to know we won't be fighting over the men of London on our threadie weekend!

I like athletic. Speaking of which I've just found some rather nice photos of various Rugby players wearing very little online (for charity obviously). 🙈 my god I know it's their job but bloody hell(and Ben Youngs 😍).

@Heartbeats0708

YES that twinkle in the eye! Agh it gets me every time. And when they're so "capable" doing stuff like parallel parking (bonus points if they put their hand on the back of your headrest). Just daft things really. Lol at the bumbag *@Naimee87* I'd forgotten they existed! Sounds like you have a hot iron there Bella!

Just want to put it out here now that I'm fuxking awesome at parallel parking and I love a good arm over headrest moment. Be careful that I don't bust out my moves on ya girlfriend 🤣

I'm also Uber cool in a crisis, have faced down muggers and CEO's and danced on a podium at Brixton academy for over 1000 gay men

@Heartbeats0708

YES that twinkle in the eye! Agh it gets me every time. And when they're so "capable" doing stuff like parallel parking (bonus points if they put their hand on the back of your headrest). Just daft things really. Lol at the bumbag *@Naimee87* I'd forgotten they existed! Sounds like you have a hot iron there Bella!

I press a button in my motor and it parallel parks itself, does that count?

My new iron MrBeau has just drunk texted me the most romantic and cute series of texts. I think I'm smitten again.

Haven't even met the guy of course 🤣🤣🤣

Usual Bella 'my imagination is way more powerful than any reality you can now bring to this relationship in my head'

@Naimee87 @SpringlikeBunk @Isitreallyme177 @BelladiMamma @Shayelle2009 @Heartbeats0708

You lot make me smile (in a good way)

Curvy girls, gosh, bit of travelling, like Mexican and Italian food, sunny outlook on life, and if you can strip and rebuild the suspension on. ‘95 T595 then your mind kinda girl.

[quote StartingAgain6369]**@Naimee87* @SpringlikeBunk* @Isitreallyme177 @BelladiMamma @Shayelle2009 @Heartbeats0708

You lot make me smile (in a good way) [/quote]
😁😁😁😎😎😎

Deffo not going to be fighting over the same guys/girls by the sounds of it!

For me it’s a dad bod, a bit curvy, something to give a good massage and hug. Flirty and cuddly. Mr Beard can effortlessly scoop me up and carry me to his bedroom which is quite hot And I do like beards! Also a man who’s into cake and coffee definitely helps.

[quote StartingAgain6369]**@Naimee87* @SpringlikeBunk* @Isitreallyme177 @BelladiMamma @Shayelle2009 @Heartbeats0708

You lot make me smile (in a good way) [/quote]
@StartingAgain6369 Aww thank you 😊

My type seems to end up being guys in good, strong shape with 6 packs despite me being way further away from "good shape" (busy hourglass), rather like that episode in Friends when Phoebe is choosing between the fireman and the sensitive teacher!

Like @BelladiMamma, I can parallel park but do like a good driver (said in a Rainman style voice)....

So my iron, Mr Drummer (not the one from here) has called me most days now to have a natter. He's super together mentally having taken a few years out to sort his head out (bit intense and spiritual) and I'm his first date in many years. When just messaging, I said I liked regular communication generally and he said he couldn't really offer that till he actually met a person but weirdly has done the opposite post video call (I do give good chat ) and calls me or messages me daily. Im definitely looking forward to our date. I guess thinking about myself in general and wanted to brain dump, I've tended in the past to have picked men who need help so tortured souls, job issues, drink issues, drug issues. I've been much more aware of my choices and swiped more carefully. I find this iron very much with his shit together despite a very hard time as he's already done the work on himself. It's almost alien to me. I'm just so used to exes jumping straight into relationships and messing those up too that its just weird for me to find there are people who actually try and fix themselves. My thoughts are what I there now for me to add if I can't help fix! He's very much up for having a good time, no fixing required.

Phwoar Bella you had me at cool in a crisis 😍😜😂
Mr Drummer sounds wonderful @Eesha and it's high time you met someone lovely! It's so refreshing when they've taken time out to work on themselves and often advice we see/give on here, that whole idea about loving yourself before anyone else. If it's in your nature to be a fixer then it's going to feel new and different at first but this can certainly be a good thing, just take it day by day. Looking forward to the loo update on Friday!

@Eesha If you have a man who is together what is left for you is to offer good company, laughs and a fun time.

I was like you, a true Florence (although I never fixed my husband in the end) but Mr K has his life together and I can find that hard because he doesn't 'need' me, I was used to drama and real highs and lows and not to have that can feel boring although I appreciate that is how normal relationships are.

Just go with the flow and enjoy yourself and realise that Mr Drummer wants you and doesn't need you - perfect basis for a relationship.

@StartingAgain6369 ... can echo you here and the others on here too! Lot's of laughs to help get through the never ending emails that like to flood my inbox.
@SortingItOut you make such a good point about 'needing' vs 'wanting' i've come to realise the difference and how important it is. I think when you 'need' someone then there is some area of your life that you aren't quite content with so you're seeking out someone to help fix this or distract you from it. And really another person can't do this. I'm not saying that everyone's life has to be picture-perfect before getting into a relationship but it is far healthier to be able to 'want' someone to be a 'bonus' to your ' already 'good' life. @Eesha this sounds really promising, i do love the sound of him, refreshing to hear some OLD men have ther sh*t together!

@Eesha I too have been a bit of a Florence in the past. I think letting go of that role is part of growing up and I try to channel it into my friendships, so I will really lean in if I have any friends in a crisis. Last year I supported a suicidal friend for several weeks and liaised with her bf and GP. It was tough and I did wonder what I was doing at times and if she wanted me to even do it, but it felt much more appropriate and fulfilling than doing it for a (new) bloke.

Can anyone give me any tips as to how to wean myself off this daily contact with MrA? I don't want to message him anymore but it's become a habit.

It might help that today I'm feeling really unwell and even for me am likely to have lower energy levels for messaging.

Any tips welcome.

Thanks ☺️

Can anyone give me any tips as to how to wean myself off this daily contact with MrA? I don't want to message him anymore but it's become a habit.

^anyone else you can message? I find having a roster helps

I need someone to help me parallel park! I am famous for my 500 point turns too 😇😇

Sounds like we all have totally different tastes in irons! @Eesha your iron sounds nice and got a bit of spiritual side, I think that would be good… really hope he’s a good one for you babe 🥰

Bella is it whatsapp? Why don't you mute them then just reply when you feel like it x

Sending you get well wishes too xx 💕