Did you change your name when you got married?

[MooncakeandAvocato]

I’m getting married soon. I will not be changing my last name - it’s not a practice that appeals to either of us. Any children will be double barrelled. This is a decision with which we’re both very happy.

This has come up in conversation with our families and friends and the reactions have been interesting. Nothing particularly negative, as we’re very much the demographic for this sort of thing, but a few of my female friends/relatives (none of the male ones) have expressed mild surprise that I ‘don’t want his name’ and ‘he’s okay with it’.

I find this interesting, so I thought I’d bring it to MN. Did you change your last name upon marriage? Why or why not? Do you regret your decision to change/not change it?

To be perfectly clear, I am happy with our decision (not canvassing for opinions on it). I am also entirely supportive of every woman and every couple choosing the naming convention that best works for them, so not judging people for doing things differently to us. Just interested in hearing people‘s experiences.

I did change mine.
I only personally know 1 person who hasn't changed theirs.
It was a pain in the ass to change everything and even the utility companies wanted a copy of the marriage certificate

Changed mine. Considered double barrelled but our names sound stupid together. Already had a child before marriage with DH last name so just made sense for us all to have the same name.

I suggest you experiment with being double-barrelled yourself before inflicting it on your children. I tried it when I got married and it was a colossal pain in the arse. So much so that when DC were born I just gave them DH’s surname.

We did exactly what you are doing and are very happy with that decision, though there are still people who can't get their head around it. I get post from family members to 'Mrs DH's name', and my dad asked me what my surname was the other day - I've been married for seven years! 'Same as it has been for the last 34 years, dad!'

Yes. I wanted to have the same name as my children. DH didn’t want my maiden name as it is difficult to spell and pronounce, his (ours) is just difficult to spell. Double barrelled for us would have been ridiculous due to length, pronunciation and spelling.

I use both - use my maiden name at work for professional reasons. Does not cause me any hassle at all.

Doing exactly the same includes double-barrelling the kids' names, by the way, and I'm particularly glad we did that. Some of my friends have entirely different surnames to their child and find it a pain, whereas although I inevitably sometimes get called 'mrs myname-hisname', no one ever has any trouble figuring out the relationship between 'jane myname' and 'baby myname-hisname'.

I wish I hadn't because I don't like being associated with that family any more. But I like having the same name as my DC so it's swings and roundabouts.

I changed my surname when I married, double barrel wasn’t an option as it sounded beyond daft. I did debate adding my surname in as an extra middle name but it would’ve had to have been done by deed poll separately and that was just even more hassle I couldn’t be bothered with.

Changed it, don’t know anyone who didn’t actually. I don’t know, just seemed more like being properly “together” - no offense to anyone who didn’t that’s cool too, but that’s how it felt for me afterward. I kind of like the tradition.

I changed mine and really happy with it. My family of origin is very difficult, I am actually glad to have got rid of my maiden name. I also wanted all of us to have the same name (DH, me, our children) and with the simplicity of just one normal name, not double barrelled.

Some of my friends have entirely different surnames to their child and find it a pain
I’ve never had a problem with it and can’t see when it would be an issue? There must be millions of unmarried mums who gave the baby dad’s name, I think people are used to parents and kids with different names.

No.
I have maiden name and my children the one of my DH and I have no problem with that.
Easier to change a husband that a father.

I double barrelled mine but my DD just has my husbands last name.

I am Ms Myname, DH is Mr Hisname, DS (and the dogs) are Myname-Hisname. We've been married 24 years and ds is 15 and everyone is happy with this. I get stupid comments sometimes (and apparently DH gets asked if he's happy with the arrangement), and MIL never did get the hang of it, but we don't feel any the less married for it

Friends have said it's annoying when travelling and at school - I'm not sure of the details as it doesn't happen to me! I do think it's much easier for people to remember that Sally A is Jonny A-B's mum than to remember that Sally A is Jonny C's mum.

Yes I did (as did most people I know, bar a few exceptions). Very happy with that decision; very much feel that “Mrs DH” is my name now. But each to her own!

I’m not married but if I did then yes I would change it and don’t want double barrelled surnames.

@JaninesEyePatch

Changed mine. Considered double barrelled but our names sound stupid together. Already had a child before marriage with DH last name so just made sense for us all to have the same name.

Was there a reason you gave DC his name?

Nope - I didn't change my name. I think it is an outdated practice - still get passive aggressive correspondence addressed to Mrs Husband's Surname from MIL though even after 15 years of being married. DC have husband's surname because double-barrelled sounded stupid.

@Hardbackwriter

We did exactly what you are doing and are very happy with that decision, though there are still people who can't get their head around it. I get post from family members to 'Mrs DH's name', and my dad asked me what my surname was the other day - I've been married for seven years! 'Same as it has been for the last 34 years, dad!'

YY, @Hardbackwriter -- it's been my parents who seem to struggle with my surname being the same one they gave me 49 years ago, which I've found deeply odd.

I obviously know of women of my generation who changed their names on marriage, but absolutely none of my friends did. I'd have been really surprised if they had. Quite apart from the reactionary sexist tradition, why would you chuck away half a lifetime's professional achievement in your birth surname?

1st marriage: changed it (and kept it on divorce)
2nd marriage: didn't change it (still have 1st marriage name).

Initially didn't plan to change it, but did do so within a couple of years after marriage - lived abroad when we got married and on returning to the UK, updating driving licence, starting a new job, passport when it expired (applied for baby ds1s at the same time).

Regret changing it really, for all the reasons I didn't plan to change it but which weren't really crystallised in my mid-20s 1990's mind.
BUT by the time we split it was then my name, and also my children's name, and I didn't want to change it again.
This is also why I didn't change it when I remarried, and wouldn't change it if I remarry again (DH2 died).

I gave DC Husband's surname because there are no children in his family to carry on his surname whereas there are loads carrying on my family name. Also we both have unusual surnames so chose the one less likely to embarrass DC

I felt strongly to keep my maiden name. When we had DC1 I was torn between keeping it or us all having the same name so I changed it to my DHs surname. However when DC1 actually arrived we decided to double barrel without a hyphen (thought it would make it easier for DC if they choose to drop one when they’re older).

I couldn’t get use to DHs surname and then decided to change my name back to my maiden name. Luckily I only changed my drivers licence so easily could change back

I did, as it was a novelty at the time.
But I've been married 18 years now, happy marriage and all but I wish I had kept it, it's my name and my identity, at the time when I said I wasn't going to (my maiden name was unusual) DH did kick up a bit of a stink and want to know why I wanted to keep my 'fathers name' 🙄, I was young though and the novelty of changing it to something much more easier won.
My DC's would have had their Dad's name and that wouldn't have bothered me.
If I changed it now though, DH would be having a bit of a panic thinking I was looking to get out 😁 - which I'm most definitely not.