Did you change your name when you got married?

[MooncakeandAvocato]

I’m getting married soon. I will not be changing my last name - it’s not a practice that appeals to either of us. Any children will be double barrelled. This is a decision with which we’re both very happy.

This has come up in conversation with our families and friends and the reactions have been interesting. Nothing particularly negative, as we’re very much the demographic for this sort of thing, but a few of my female friends/relatives (none of the male ones) have expressed mild surprise that I ‘don’t want his name’ and ‘he’s okay with it’.

I find this interesting, so I thought I’d bring it to MN. Did you change your last name upon marriage? Why or why not? Do you regret your decision to change/not change it?

To be perfectly clear, I am happy with our decision (not canvassing for opinions on it). I am also entirely supportive of every woman and every couple choosing the naming convention that best works for them, so not judging people for doing things differently to us. Just interested in hearing people‘s experiences.

My husband did offer to change to mine if I wanted him to, but I took his as its traditional.

[quote MooncakeandAvocato]@Inmypjsagain I had that! Lots of very bemused adults got lectured as to the nature of ‘Ms’ by a very cross, very small me. I imagine I was an extremely annoying child.[/quote]
Ha I was an annoying child too!!!

My Dh took his first wife's name. He was a bit surprised when I laughed like a drain and said no way was I taking it. He's not usually that thick. He did genuinely have a terrible original surname.

Our children have my surname. First child he insisted on a double-barrelled surname which quite frankly sounds stupid, second child got his surname as a second name, third child didn't even get his surname at all because he forgot to do it when registering the birth.

He often gets called my surname and I laugh.

@Staysexyanddontgetmurdered (I love My Favorite Murder, by the way) can I ask about the extremely negative reactions, if you don’t mind? What were they and from whom, etc? I don’t imagine I’ll get any, but might as well start steeling myself, now.

I haven't changed mine.

Our child uses his surname.

Double barrelled seemed too long, and my h wanted them to.use his name (and i.had no problem with that).

I havent encountered any issues.

Ppl do often assume you aren't married.

My husband and I went double barrelled when we got married, and never had any issues with it at all.

I changed my name.
1 it's a nicer name
2 the names couldn't be double barrelled
3 both my parents have changed their surnames from my maiden name
4 my DF should never have had the name in the first place, his surname should have been something else hence him changing it as an adult
5 I felt more connected to and entitled to my married name as at least I had a proper connection to it

@DDUW Have you ever challenged them on this or do you just ignore them and get on with it?

I kept my name - we'd been together over a decade before we married, it seemed odd to suddenly feel I had to change my name. I never really even considered it tbh, DH was not fussed at the time and as years have passed, he has also started to wonder why it it still has to be a 'tradition'.

Two DC, also born before we married, have DH's surname. We didn't talk about that at length, but it struck me in the hospital after DC1 was born, DH needed a connection to them. In the years that have passed since I am so so pleased we did that, as DHs parents are both now dead and his DSis changed her name, so he is the only one left with his family name - him and our DCs, which makes me happy.
I've never had any issues, sometimes schools get the names confused as do elderly rellies but it's no biggie. I've travelled with them on my own overseas with zero issues.

I did, it was a long time ago, never really thought about it at the time. FIL was terminally ill and waiting for us to produce a DS as there was no one else to carry on family line.
If I had my time over I would double barrel our names go really well together.

Didn't change my name. Double barrel was just tooooo long. DC has my husband's name (cultural/religious reasons) which I have no issues with. I did get told loads that I'll have trouble traveling with DC. DC was a lockdown baby so haven't travelled anywhere yet...so I have yet to experience the trouble :)

I changed my name. Don't regret it. Each to their own.

I started using DH’s for school stuff when DD started and kept mine for work and everything else. Struggled using the NHS app with passport etc in one name and medical records in the other so have reverted fully to my name pretty much now, 21 years down the line.

@CherryRedDMs May I ask how old you are and whereabouts you live (obviously just in ballpark/general terms for both!), if you’re comfortable sharing?

If it had occurred to me, I would have asked this in the OP, but I’m wondering how much geography and age impact on the likelihood of going one way or the other. Quite a lot, I’d assume.

DP and I are early 30’s, lefty, central London dwellers. I suspect that, demographically speaking, the odds of me keeping my name are substantially higher than they might be if we lived elsewhere/were older/had different political beliefs or educational backgrounds.

Didn't change my name, and have always felt quite strongly about this. Our DC have both our surnames, and I can say for certain it's not a problem at all. And that's with one surname being a long, non British one.

I changed mine. It was 20 years ago where we didn't see daily threads about it on mumsnet and it was all I had ever really known. I had been through an assortment of surnames by the time we married so I felt I was getting a new name with which to build my own family. I am also autistic (didn't know this back then) and always rather 'lost' and 'outside' so i naturally just followed along to fit in. If we were marrying now which greater knowledge of both myself and name changing? Yes i think I would still change it.

Double-barrelled is viewed as snooty where I live so that wasn't an option for us. We wanted the same name as we were becoming a family. DH's name was nicer so I changed mine. If mine had been nicer he would have changed his.

@DDUW Eh, they sound deeply unpleasant. I’m sorry you had to deal with that.

Also, completely off topic, but I don’t think I’ve ever been given a cheque in my life. It would seem that they have shunned modern banking as well as feminist notions.

Yes, I was bullied for my maiden name as a child so I was happy to change it.

Early thirties, north west England here, I didn’t keep my name and none of my friends did and only one of my husbands kept hers. Range of professional occupations. All state educated mostly middling politically.
I did prefer my husbands name as I constantly had to spell mine out and I wanted us to have a name for our own family.
Double barrel is sometimes fine but what about when those kids have kids, do they double the double barrel and have four?!

I didn't change mine. All my qualifications and professional reputation was in my name and I saw no reason to change it.

DD has her father's surname. The reasons for this were:

1. It's easier to spell, being only 3 letters long.
2. It contains no annoying apostrohes which confuse IT systems
3. I'm from a large family where there are plenty of grandchildren with my surname. DH is an only child. I adore my in Laws and this decision made them very happy.

Didn’t change mine for a few reasons, don’t like my husbands last name, his last name doesn’t go with my first name (it sounds so odd), all my qualifications are under my last name, laziness, religious reasons and lastly principle due to the heritage of what changing last name means.

Children however do have DHs last name and we didn’t double barrel as we have both quite strong sounding last names that sounded daft together. My surname is on of their middle names though. 🤷‍♀️