Feel a bit sore and hurt - christmas related.

[littlebithurt]

New bf - been together 7 months. He has 1 DD (11). I have 1 DS (12). he's met my family but I've not met his. Lovely so far, I'm very much in love with him.

I was chatting and asked him how he wanted to go about Christmas - did he want to set a budget and was there anything in particular he wanted. His response has stung me a bit and I don't know if I'm being very insensitive?! He said that the years he doesn't have his DD (that would be this year) he goes into his shell and doesn't really do Christmas. I completely understand that - I cannot imagine Christmas without my DS and I can't comprehend how hard it would be, but I feel a little bit sore. I love Christmas, my family adore it and it is something I really value and it just feels like he has just dismissed me and what matters to me. I feel pretty unimportant to him and small all of a sudden. I don't really know what to say to him tbh as whatever I say is just going to sound like I'm being a complete bitch.

Thoughts anyone?! Help me unmuddle this please!!

Doesn't he see his child at all over Christmas and new year, cause that's a rubbish arrangement.

Surely you can have Christmas day when he sees his child or doesn't he buy her anything

@Chamomileteaplease

Yes I think he sounds a right drip too. How old is he, 5? So he can't cope with Christmas without his daughter so he hides away? Quite pathetic. Does this sort of person appeal to you?

I think you are in danger of becoming too understanding. Don't let him treat you badly just because you are trying to be kind .

I suggest you read some of the posts in this thread by mothers who have shared custody of their DC and rethink your poisonous post.

Seriously, I am neither a mother nor someone who places much importance on Christmas but it's jarring to come on MN and read that parents who feel sad and want to be alone when they're apart from their children at Christmas are apparently pathetic drips.

@Chamomileteaplease

Yes I think he sounds a right drip too. How old is he, 5? So he can't cope with Christmas without his daughter so he hides away? Quite pathetic. Does this sort of person appeal to you?

I think you are in danger of becoming too understanding. Don't let him treat you badly just because you are trying to be kind .

What a horrible post.

I've had several different traumas in my life and by pure coincidence they've all been around Christmas time.

I hate Christmas. My therapist gave me an absolute moment of clarity a few years ago when she said it was completely in my hands whether I participate in the day or not. It was a lightbulb moment.

Since then, I have by choice spent Christmas Day alone - doing whatever makes me feel able to cope. Which usually involves eating my favourite foods, some nice drinks watching films / shows I love - alone, because that works for me. Yes when I have kids that will be different, but I don't. And this year, OP's boyfriend's kids aren't with him.

Im so glad my boyfriend was understanding about my need to spend the day alone and do it my way, right from the start. He's kind and understanding. In short supply these days, it seems.