Do you go out without your partner?

[VelvetRope212]

I've been in a relationship for a few months.

Partner, bit older, Says he has never gone out without his partner in previous relationships, and would not do so.

He seems to think me expecting to go out without him is weird/inappropriate. This crops up almost every time I go out without him and is becoming a source of friction.

(My sisters, in fairness, dint tend to go out without their partner's. A coffee in the daytime would be the height of it. I've always been more independent though).

Your new bf sounds weird. My DP and I have separate groups of friends so we sometimes go out without each other. We prefer to go together though, if it’s something we will both enjoy.

He'd be an ex.

Yes I go out without my partner because I'm an adult and don't need a minder.

Don't start editing your life to suit your BF. You can and should meet friends/relatives just as you did before.

Controlling much?

Bin him now, no point wasting any more time.

Absolutely no fucking way would I put up with this! Imagine how stifling that must be! Imagine being retired with him and spending all time together, nope!

If you feel like a guy is trying to change you, he's the wrong guy for you.

For the record, my mum always said that it's essential to have a life apart from your partner because at some point or other, one or both of you will be alone again and will need to build a new life. She was right too. My grandfather was like a rudderless ship when my grandmother died. My dad fared ok when Mum went because they had always followed that principle. A good friend is recently widowed and again, is really struggling because they had done everything as a couple. It's a bad idea.

I have spoken about it and said in my previous relationships we went out mostly together, but also went out separately.

By my actions I should I have no intention of stopping socialising (at night) .... hos reaction so far has been none to stoicism to occasional tension/criticism.

He also just seems to keep repeating that he hasbt and doesn't go out separately in relationships.

I have been very straight about past relationships including less than stellar behaviour and he seems to think that that demonstrates that its the wrong behaviour because they weren't "good" or successful relationships

Hell yes I do. Not often but Most my friends don’t live nearby; so when they come home to visit I go out with them without him; he gets all stupid and show offy and would do my head in when trying to have a girlie catch up. I didn’t for the first few years we were together (4ish years now) but learnt from some awful nights out where he came too. He doesn’t have any friends other than some ones who belong to a club relating to his weird hobby.. and he spends most weekends with them doing the weird hobby. So I decided just to do what I wanted too. We don’t see each other every night so I try to arrange meeting friends on those nights.

Red flags all over this - the criticism and control combination are not something I would put up with. It always starts low key.

Definitely something you need to thrash out with him before the relationship goes any further. I go out to all sorts of things with my friends. Meals out, evenings at their houses, concerts, whole days out to cities at weekends even holidays abroad. They are my friends (DH has met them loads of times but he's not friends with their husbands so we never go out as couples with them). DH and I do have other friends who we go out with together though.

*would not.

I go out without my bf all the time, sometimes I go out for drinks with male friends my partner has never even met 😱 the horror

Yes of course I do, I thought it was normal and good for you to have friends and a life as well as a DP.

Often go out without DP - evenings, day time, weekends and holidays. Likewise he does the same. He's just off out tonight to a concert which if we would only go together, he would have to miss as I work on a Monday evening.

Step away Velvet, step away

Ooh sometimes I go out without DH and SLEEPOVER!!!!

@Keke94LND

I go out without my bf all the time, sometimes I go out for drinks with male friends my partner has never even met 😱 the horror

Harlot

I have a girlie night out once a month with my best friend and meet another friend once a fortnight usually at her house for coffee. Her Dh is usually there too.

No issues.

I dont understand why you wouldn't meet up with friends or go out at night just because you have a partner. Dont ever ditch your friends for a man!

It is not healthy to do everything together

We have seperate & together holidays

We have seperate & together hobbies

Go out without DH more than with him! Dinner, drinks, close friends, work colleagues, large groups.

I would find it controlling if he objected.

It's perfectly normal to go out without one's partner and for them to go out without you. Don't let him suck you into his weir, controlling way of thinking. I've been married 35 years and - shock horror - we both have nights out separately.

He's only known you a few months and doesn't live with you but thinks you should stay in unless you're seeing him in the evenings? I'd have to ask him to repeat that, I think.

@VelvetRope212 But, by that same token, surely his past relationships weren’t ‘good’ or successful, either? So, why are his precedents from prior relationships more valid than yours?

Also, forgive me if I’m misunderstanding, but you seem to be shying away from a straightforward conversation with this man about this topic. Is that the case? If so, why? You, like the vast majority of people, enjoy going out without your partner and intend to continue to do so. So, tell him this.

He's only known you a few months and doesn't live with you but still thinks he has a right to tell you how to live your life.

Massively changes dynamics - I'd be SUPER annoyed if someone brought their partner every bloody time. I'm friends with them, not their partner!

We met in our late 20s so our friend groups don't intersect really so most of the time we go out without each other. Sometimes partners come if everyone's bringing their partners but usually not.

I would not be okay with him telling me I couldn't and I can't imagine never having a night out and having chats without him there!