DH found out about a job I applied for in secret

[SecretJob]

I had been making a plan to leave DH and I managed to get a job but they're still doing all the background etc checks so not started yet. DH found out about the job this weekend. I stupidly left my emails open and he saw it. I currently work for DH's business.

I have been feeling really conflicted over everything because things have been going well between us, I've been having some counselling which is helping me and I'm feeling a lot happier and calmer and I was doubting myself if I should leave or not anyway. He's good to me in a lot of ways and we have a really nice life in a lot of ways. I find it hard to make decisions or to know what I want at the best of times. I love him and we've been together a long time and I don't want to leave him, but at the same time I can't ignore that I have had this voice in my head for a while now telling me to apply for jobs, make plans, etc.

He was so angry when he found out about the job I'd got (understandably really as I'd done it behind his back), and I cried and apologised and ended up agreeing to not take the job.

I have to contact the new job today to let them know and I feel like I can't do it. I feel absolutely sick to my stomach. I don't know what to do.

Hi OP just to check, did you post a while ago? You've been with him since you were young, he is a bit older, he has controlled everything? I remember reading and comenting. Wishing you all the best, hope you get into your new house and job ASAP. Good luck, remember you deserve a lovely life on your terms.

[quote ProudlyMarried]@BlusteringBoobies

I disagree, i am not going to read through 29 pages nor search up the OPs post history tbh...

I think its fair to presume that all material facts are provided in the opening post, and respond based on what is given.[/quote]
Unless the thread is still on the first page, this is an surefire way to make an absolute tit of yourself @ProudlyMarried

Especially since attempts to put all the relevant facts in a first post are often met with 'too long and boring' or similar.

So fine, skip reading the OP's posts, but you're better off skipping posting in that case.

ProudlyMarried resorting to personal attacks... tut tut.

@pointythings

Lol, thats a fair observation. (But my observation regarding the usernames is also fair though.)

good grief, mn has a facility to highlight the OP posts in colour.
so you can easily follow them

EVEN SIMPLER is to click on the bottom of the opening post where it says 'see all' and then you will see all the OPs posts all together.

To comment on a thread 29 pages long, started a month ago, and not read the OPs posts is a dickhead move.

Anything could have happened since the begining.

anyway, bakc to the lovely OP - counting down the days!!

ProudlyMarried if you object to bad language, slightly dodgy user names and similar, this may not be the site for you.

Also agree with steppemum that reading all OP's posts really isn't that hard.

OP, this time next week you will have escaped and be getting ready for your first Christmas in freedom.

Hi OP. I'm hoping you're keeping your head up and continuing on your path to freedom. You WILL find yourself again once there's no one to batter you back down. When you do find yourself it will be fabulous and you'll be stronger than ever 🙂

Pops in to wave to proudlymarried

@MrsBison you need to piss right off. RTFT!!!! This is important. It's the op's life!

And op, of course you will become yourself again. Have faith! 💐

If you think my user name is vulgar @ProudlyMarried better not read any Jane Austen

One week to go OP, all my fingers and toes crossed for you this next week

@impressivelycunty

Well met

I packed my stuff last night. He told me he was going to be late home from work and I just ran around throwing some basic bits into a suitcase. I got them in the car, drove about halfway and then froze. I parked up and I just couldn't go any further and I couldn't go back. I was stuck, it was awful. I drove back and forth a bit, I was about 2 hours just on that bit of road. Until he rang me to say he was on his way home, I told him id gone out for some chocolate, went home and stashed my suitcase before he got back.

What happened to me? Why couldn't I go? I had my stuff in the car.

Hang in there. Freezing is the most common reaction to trauma, and you've been through so much.

Just think of that as your practice. You practiced leaving, so that next time you can.

You're getting there OP, packing that case and your attempt to leave is getting there. We're all here and willing you on.

Your brain has been trained to believe if you do something he will not approve of that there will be consequences. So it really isn't a surprise that you couldn't actually drive all the way there.
As PP have said consider it a practice run, you will do it. Hell you got into the car with a suitcase and drove away, that's amazing. Look after yourself. If it helps you could tell yourself next time you're just dropping your things off and that might be enough to cover the ingrained fear and get you there and maybe once you're there you will want to stay......

You are scared. That’s all. It’s totally understandable, it is scary to leave but even scarier to stay. Get some support if you can think of anyone who will help you. Good luck.

Its OK, the reality is understandably terrifying after so long.
Maybe do the drive again when you are out again, drop off a few things, walk around the new block & see the area, park ? Shops? Café? Hair dresser ?
You are planning for the move next week, its a preset date in your head, you are on a countdown.

Dropping things off and grabbing a local coffee is a great idea.

@SecretJob Honestly please don't be too hard on yourself.

As many many women have said on this thread, leaving is so hard and there are so many mental barriers to it. The fact that you even made an attempt is such a step forward.

Please go easy on yourself!

And hi 👋🏻 to @DameFanny . Apparently we must be the same person as both have 'vulgar' usernames 🙄

You are doing brilliantly.

No-one said leaving is easy and omg you have been so courageous and resourceful.

You will do this. You are most of the way there. It isn't easy, but you know you deserve to be free, to be you.

You're doing great, OP. This was a practice run :) hoping all goes will for you next week...there's a whole new life waiting for you. And of course it is totally normal to be afraid of the unknown! Best wishes xxx

You can do this.

Please speak to WA and ask for their support to leave.

Do you think if you told your Mum or sister it would help you?