DH found out about a job I applied for in secret

[SecretJob]

I had been making a plan to leave DH and I managed to get a job but they're still doing all the background etc checks so not started yet. DH found out about the job this weekend. I stupidly left my emails open and he saw it. I currently work for DH's business.

I have been feeling really conflicted over everything because things have been going well between us, I've been having some counselling which is helping me and I'm feeling a lot happier and calmer and I was doubting myself if I should leave or not anyway. He's good to me in a lot of ways and we have a really nice life in a lot of ways. I find it hard to make decisions or to know what I want at the best of times. I love him and we've been together a long time and I don't want to leave him, but at the same time I can't ignore that I have had this voice in my head for a while now telling me to apply for jobs, make plans, etc.

He was so angry when he found out about the job I'd got (understandably really as I'd done it behind his back), and I cried and apologised and ended up agreeing to not take the job.

I have to contact the new job today to let them know and I feel like I can't do it. I feel absolutely sick to my stomach. I don't know what to do.

Oooooo, that’s a fab update! I’m so excited for you

Wonderful

Great update, well done OP!
Keep that image in your head of what it will be like to live there on your own.
Imagine this time next year, putting up your own tree, with decorations you picked yourself .... whatever it is that you want, you can do it!

I came back to catch up on this thread after quite some time and I am SO PROUD of you op!! You are amazing and you can do this. The world is your oyster. Lots of love and keep us updated when you can x

I hope you get to take your doggie with you OP!

@SecretJob

Thanks again for your kind words, I was just having a moment last night I think and I'm okay.

I called into my new house (!!!) this morning on my way to work (I work for him but he doesnt work in the office with me and he leaves a good hour before I do) and it just felt amazing, honestly. It's the first time I'd been in for a while, i didn't have time to go when I collected the keys, it's tiny but it looked like the best thing in the world and I had a moment of just imagining myself there, in the summer, on my own, with the rest of my life open in front of me... i can't wait.

Amazing. You deserve so much happiness from now on. And calm.

So good to hear you envisioning your future.
Do not give him the address. Make sure you forward your mail via the PO redirection service.

You're amazing Op and will have an amazing future. Good luck with the move - can't wait for it to happen!

Glad you are feeling so positive after popping in your new home.

It's completely normal to have doubts and fears and worries even after you've moved out. Embrace the emotions and carry on.

Your latest update gave me goosebumps OP - I'm so excited for you to start your new life and to hear you saying you can't wait is just brilliant

I’ve just read your posts and just wanted to say well done OP on the new job and the new home! I’m excited for this new chapter for you!

I cannot wait for the day you post that you had a great day in your new job, went home to your new place, got a takeaway and went to bed when you felt like it!

I remember your post and have thought about you many times since. I still can’t get my head round how controlling he is and how you get zero time to relax or do anything for yourself. Every second of your life is controlled by him to point of how much sleep your allowed!
I’m so excited for your new life and that you have take so many positive steps.
Believe me, your friends and siblings will be delighted to have you back in their lives. They prob reluctantly gave up due to him making it so difficult for them and you. Best of luck

I hate who I've become, I've said it before but I feel like an empty shell of who I used to be, I don't have a personality or opinions or anything. Do you think after I've left I will ever be able to get my old self back, is that even possible or am I too far gone

^If you can remember who your old self was, then you haven't lost you, you're just waiting quietly in a corner for that moment when you can step back into the sun again and SHINE!

Op I've followed all your threads, and this one is a heart in mouth thread because I / we all just SO want you to get away from this awful, awful excuse for a man.
I used to keep a quote on my wall. It said 'Life shrinks or expands according to one's courage'.
Well, you've got courage in droves. Your life will expand beyond horizons you cannot yet imagine. Keep going my lovey, keep going. Not long now.

OP I am so excited for you. Please stay safe in these last couple of weeks. Rooting for you with all my heart XXX

You’re amazing xx

Brilliant update

[quote SecretJob]@50ShadesOfCatholic You are so close to the life you deserve. Kia kaha/stay strong

It means so much to me that you said that. I lived in NZ for a year and loved it, it was the last time I really felt like "me". Kia ora.[/quote]
Sending much aroha from Aotearoa. Women everywhere have your back. xx

Women everywhere have your back. xx

They (and we) certainly do!!

I wish you all the best for your new life

Another survivor of abuse who is in your cheerleading squad.

That feeling of locking your front door and knowing that every little inch in your little house (mine is tiny too!) is YOURS and will not be infected by their bile is just amazing!

Keep going babe!!!

I'm so glad things are working out for you, OP.

Hooray for the power of Mumsnet!

So happy to hear your update and you'll be in your new place soon.

We should have a virtual Mumsnet housewarming party for you in this thread.

I am so glad your escape is in sight. Will you be able to take the dog with you? He sounds like the type of cur who would hurt the dog to hurt you.

Start getting your ducks in a row, get a copy of all the financial stuff of your husband's company, take pictures on your phone & post them to a cloud account or memory card on your phone then remove it & put it somewhere safe, get things like your birth & marriage certificates, driving licence & passport, skim off some of your joint account by getting cashback when you go shopping, have you found somewhere to live? If not start looking, find a solicitor, ask if they have a family law department. Get those company finance details ASAP before he starts hiding money & lastly TAKE THE JOB.