Dating Thread 217: Is it burning bright or fizzling out?

[Heartbeats0708]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Shayelle2009 well you know how much swiping I had to do to meet one or two that I actually liked!! And I had to 'widen my areas' don't know why that phrase always makes me chuckle 🤭

And then MrTattoo just faded and MrSardinia was such a disappointment with his outdated views. Cute though.

[quote SortingItOut]@BelladiMamma Hopefully by Saturday you'll have dealt with some of it mentally and your mood may have lifted.

Life does go in fits and starts so could you just say you're busy with home, friends and work this week so you won't be messaging as much?
Its difficult but I agree with not breaching your daughters privacy.[/quote]
Yes. It's true. It reminds me of my priorities as well. Poor DD

@BelladiMamma but then when you widened your area you met the perfect one!! 😂😂 hehe xxx

Wish i could just get someone to do it all for me so i don't have to deal with the shit and i just get the good bits! Kind of like a recruitment agent.. but for dating.. they put me forward.. i just go along for the date! And I dont have to deal with the negative feedback, bad behaviour etc

Sorry, I took so long to post that my comments may seem to not be part of the natural flow of the thread. Most on here will know that my DH passed away following illness, so my challenges with his absence have been completely different to the challenges facing those of you with difficult and selfish exes. My younger DD was 8 when her DF died and she would get sad hearing some friends saying they had to go and see their Dad for the weekend because in her head they were lucky.
I have had no qualms introducing my DDs to my last DP and currently Mr V, there is no ExH in the picture stirring the pot and my fears are much more about loss or making myself vulnerable to being sad again. My older DD is in her early 20s, living away at uni so her relationship with Mr V is limited to friendly interaction. The younger one sees more of him but at 17 treats him as Mom's BF who's around and who she gets to do stuff with when we all go out. Mr V is very laid back and has genuinely never caused one jot of conflict with regard to my girls.

@Naimee87 I remember the t bar lifts! I also remember losing my ski half way down on a chair lift🤦‍♀️🤣. I've always been clumsy and nothing has changed.

@Shayelle2009 I believe there are companies that do that all for you. Think they're expensive though.

@Shayelle2009 my friend joined one of these dating agencies and said it was a waste as events they organised were very far away, plus not enough men on their books. I had a colleague who met her partner on a tennis singles holiday too (just putting it out there).

Had a few phone chats over the weekend with prospective irons in a bid to put myself out there. One was only in the UK till the weekend then back to NY (not great as I hate flying). One wanted to organise a date but lives an hour and a half away. I was hesitant but then the next day he said he had met someone on a date and really hit it off! Final one is in London, an artist with a normal job too so we might actually meet. Only concern is he slated his ex girlfriend saying she lied a lot (yet nice about the ex wife). Other than that, seemed normal/quirky

@Shayelle2009 I'll sit and swipe with you if you like one weekend. Team swiping 😁

@Shayelle2009 thank you 😊

Caught up on the thread, lots going on!
@StartingAgain6369 your date sounds so lovely! Looking forward to hearing how things progress!
@Shayelle2009 it's a shame that the apps can be so shit and put people off the whole idea. I like the fact you're very clear that you're worth more than one of the 2/10 potatoes on offer and hope you will meet someone gorgeous IRL.
@Onesmallstep67 it sounds as though you've struck a great balance between your kids and Mr V, he sounds like a good sort.
@Eesha the artist could be good, just a note of caution as that's exactly what MrBody was like and then turned out to still be quite entangled with the ex! But could be that your iron just really did have a dodgy ex and has no complications there!

Sorry I haven't responded to many, Monday brain!
I've got a date zero with a fellow teacher (MrTeacher, inventively named) tonight. Height is my only concern as we are basically the same height and I do like tall men. But I'm open to it - he seems cool and is nice looking in photos.
Other than him, few I'm chatting to.unworthy of naming as yet. MrTattoo (ex iron) and I were on the phone for an hour last night talking utter shit and have made plans for the cinema this week. I feel really happy to have made a friend from OLD, he's so interesting and funny. It's a shame we don't have enough spark but I'm glad we are still in touch.

@MizK hehe interesting about the height thing as no mention of height on Mr Artist's Tinder bio so now I'm pondering if he is a midget. How superficial am I, that if they don't do the '6ft 4 in case it matters' comment so I just assume they are an Oompa Loompa

I agree though, lovely to make online/virtual friends here and even with online dating.

I think or in my experience, if men have hat's on in every photo they tend to be limited in the hair department and often when they don't list their height this can lead to them being quite short. I think not knowing what to expect and then being the same height isn't too much of an issue but being taller than your date and it being a surprise could be.

@Naimee87

I think or in my experience, if men have hat's on in every photo they tend to be limited in the hair department and often when they don't list their height this can lead to them being quite short. I think not knowing what to expect and then being the same height isn't too much of an issue but being taller than your date and it being a surprise could be.

if men have hat's on in every photo they tend to be limited in the hair department

Oh crap (gently pats thinning barnet), maybe I should go for a combover , 1970’s style…

I recently found some pictures of myself when I was about 17, I had such thick, dark, luxurious hair, where did it all go 😭😭

Another newbie question or two!

I’m not in the UK but do live near the largest city in Ireland and somehow I’ve completed both hinge and bumble! I don’t think I’ve set my parameters too tight, 50 klm radius, 10 year age range. I am very inclined to swipe left at selfie’s in bed, flex pics and my personal favourite, the picture with the woman that leaves you wondering if that’s his grown up daughter or someone else! I also look for at least some kind of bio however short and a man that knows what he’s looking for and doesn’t tick the ‘not sure yet’ box, my question is should I swipe right more, my feeling is I don’t want to waste either their time nor mine but obviously it means I’m not matching with many…

My other question is, I mention I’m a mum of 4. I realise that’s quite a big family even though to me it’s my normal. They’re all teenagers and becoming independent and there’s no big issues with any of them apart from the normal teenage stuff. Should I not mention how many children I have and just say I’m a mum?

If this doesn’t work @MayEye… I’ll be asking you for your thoughts on tinder in Ireland! I do read and it’s so lovely that you have met a fabulous man that makes you happy.

@Naimee87 I've heard that referred to as 'hatfishing' and 'capfishing' 😂

Like the male version of only posting filtered pics I guess? (Though despite women being called out for overuse of filters, I have seen some shockers from men using them too!)

@Alexandradream
I can’t help you with the 1st question

As for the second, something like mother of teens should be okay I would have thought, as you don’t want to put people off in the 1st instance, and you can cover this off in a chat

@Eesha well done for giving it another shot, hope someone decent crops up for you!

@MizK I know there must be decent guys on the apps, I mean quite a few of our threadies have been having luck lately! I just got put right off them, see good looking guys out and about all the time but it’s kind of hard striking up a conversation with a total stranger! I think people would just look at you like youre a weirdo 😱

@Naimee87 that’s true and a lot of guys lie about their height I have found. I mean whyyyy lie about that - did you think I wouldn’t notice 😂😂

@Naimee87 I was wearing a hat in one of my pictures,😬🤣 I wonder if men think it's hiding my bad roots(in all fairness it did need doing🤣).

I don't really want to be fussy about height as actually I've had lots of fun with people about my height or more.....

What if he was 4 inches shorter than you??

Im 5’6 but not bothered about huge tall men, 5’8 is fine for me 🥰 as long as they're not skinny… just can’t fancy skinny little whippets 😔

Today has been really tough. Thankfully a friend was visiting to walk the dogs but in between worrying about my DD and feeling very anxious, MrA has been filming all day and I've heard nothing from him since yesterday morning. This is when dating someone is harder than being single.