Dating Thread 217: Is it burning bright or fizzling out?

[Heartbeats0708]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Lol at the dance and techno 😊

And the magnet flakes!

BeardFlake is just the most melancholy sexy mf ever. And always send me compliments.

Ugh Techno, I grew up in the end of the Punk era as it moved mainstream The Clash, Blondie etc

@BelladiMamma

Good call on MrA - it’s just not balanced or sustainable for one party to organise all the meets, or to feel like having to be charming and present continuously is the only way to keep the other person interested!

(and however good their company is, I’d imagine being double-booked with someone’s friends so you “have to all hang out together
on your date night” isn’t really something you want regularly!)

I do think my dating and social and emotional life hugely benefitted when I stopped trying to be all “cool girl and relaxed” about organising - someone suggesting a night to meet in advance, and turning up and making equal effort to make it happen and pleasant isn’t “unusual””.

@BelladiMamma sorry to hear about MrA but I think you did the right thing, if he isn't making any effort and it's bothering you it's better you said. I have been in a fwb situation years ago which made me feel rubbish and it actually made me sleep around alot with random guys which then made me feel awful.

Well the guys I have been chatting to so far arnt massively impressive. one went out last week on wednesday and got so drunk he couldn't go to work the next day, he also lives at home with his parents.

The other seems abit uptight, he gets up everyday at 5am to go to the gym as he "likes to look good" and the conversation is abit slow.

Oh and i just found out my ex got married, we were only together a short while put he put alot of pressure on me to move quickly so I ended things. He is now married to someone else, we have been broken up for about a year and a half and I've literally just had a couple of dates. I'm not bothered about him but more bothered about myself and why I can't meet someone I like. I think I could be too fussy but I'm not prepared to settle for someone I'm not blown away by. So many people will just accept anyone so they arnt alone

@jugglingjobs

So many people will just accept anyone so they arnt alone

So true, my ex after the split in 12 months had found someone and 12 months after meeting was living together

I use to drink at a pub which a friends parents owned, a regular 'old boy' who used to prop the bar up said one day don't go from one relationship to another, you need a reset to get yourself together

Well the guys I have been chatting to so far arnt massively impressive. one went out last week on wednesday and got so drunk he couldn't go to work the next day, he also lives at home with his parents.

Is he a teenager or something, sounds like the sort of thing an 18 year old would do.

The other seems abit uptight, he gets up everyday at 5am to go to the gym as he "likes to look good" and the conversation is abit slow.

At least if he is going to the gym, should be fit,…

@Isitreallyme177 @Naimee87 I used to dj drum & bass on pirate radio. 🙈 good times.

@jugglingjobs men seem to find someone else so quickly don’t they? I found out my ex had a baby with one of the neighbours soon after I left. Apparently she’s really miserable too!

For PP with other women, and exes, mine had one on the go before we divorced, ditched her then met someone in Ibeefa and 6 weeks later she'd moved in with him round here, in the next door village to me. When we first separated he was living 100's of miles away but moved back here with the new gf as he wanted to get out of paying maintenance by claiming he was going to have the children 50/50. Cue hollow laughter.

It's true that people who move on too quickly aren't doing themselves any favours. But I'm now thinking that I'm going to be single long term as I just don't have the headspace to make compromises or manage a relationship whilst the ex is still in my orbit.

Am thinking of making the new career move at the same time as a house move, to get away from him.

Thank you everyone for your kind and supportive messages about MrA. I've had a good sleep and feel fine this morning. He's lovely, but I'm not just going to slot in to his life, not this early. I know a lot of busy guys are like this though, but now I'm no longer 21 it's not really what I'm looking for.

@BelladiMamma at least you can genuinely say it was fun while it lasted

@Shayelle2009 it was bloody great. He's probably wondering what the hell happened...!! As he was fine and dandy. I just can't do sex if the other person isn't doing some of the running ...

@Shayelle2009 that's amazing! I'm stuck in 90's trance/techno world! Really oldschool! Nothing beats a dreamy beat! Obviously clubbin' days are behind me but if the world ever sorts itself out i'd be up for a festival/rave again! How's things with you? I'm on a sort of 'reality' thud! After the highs of last weeks magnet-man night and then the trucking day friday! Sitting in my office just doesn't feel like where i am meant to be!

@Shayelle2009 bet that was fun though? Do you still dj?

@BelladiMamma I think he’s definitely wondering what the hell happened! And possible feeling a bit unworthy! All is as it should be 😉

@Naimee87 yeah a bit like holiday blues I guess isn’t it, boring reality 😊 those exciting times are soo good! I used to absolutely love raving and haven’t been for ages but I’d totally go again. Best ever times back then 😬

@Isitreallyme177 haven’t dj’d for years but I have quite a few records. I expect they are worth something! They would be considered as classics now

@Shayelle2009 hopefully I've sorted him out for the next woman. Sorry to say I didn't get the benefit of my good work though. One day!!

DJ'in on pirate radio. How cool is that

@BelladiMamma I reckon he’ll always be the kinda guy who feels the world might revolve round him. Think you can find someone better ☺️

Yeah they were bloody fun days. Dangerous though. I look back and feel worried for my younger self back then 🤣🤣 the things we do when we’re young……... 😱

Haha @Shayelle2009 I sometimes wonder how I'm still alive to tell the tales, some of the stuff we did😅.

Good times though hey @isit.. did you ever go to raves? Bet we were there at the same time ☺️☺️

@StartingAgain6369 I think this ex move in within a couple of months and now married about a year and a half later

I agree with the advice you were given, I really do need time between relationships, although I have had too much time I think now

@FabulousMrFifty he is not a teenager, he is in his thirties

@Shayelle2009 yes i think the moving on so quickly means they do not have time to try to sort themselves out and that means the next person they are with will be miserable as nothing has changed

@BelladiMamma sorry to hear your ex is causing you so much trouble, I can understand not being ready for a new relationship while you have so much going on

The other seems abit uptight, he gets up everyday at 5am to go to the gym as he "likes to look good" and the conversation is abit slow.

@jugglingjobs why does getting up at 5am to go to the gym to make himself feel good about himself (because that is what he is doing, working out so he looks good) make him uptight? I admire anyone that gets out of bed to be in the gym at 5am because I struggle getting there for 8am and the time and effort put in by some of these people requires dedication.

@jugglingjobs my abusive ex had 2 women squabbling over him a mere weeks after we split/he moved out. Both ended up getting him arrested yet one is still with him now 4 years later. He's very attractive and to be fair, has definitely changed. I wouldn't begrudge him happiness with someone else but I resent that I'm still eternally single (not that I'd want anyone fighting over me!). He does all the nice coupley things which I don't have anyone to do that with. It's annoying!

Techno, raves... how different we all are. Beyond a few mainstream hits (Born Slippy, Insomnia) which are amazing, I hate dance music! I'm a bit of a rock and indie chick. Love a bit of Foo Fighters. But quite possibly the most exciting day of my life was meeting Billy Joel. There's always brilliant new music though - I'm loving Nothing But Thieves a lot at the moment. And Sea Girls. And Sam Fender. And Inhaler.

Because I have no love interest to write to about I'm sharing my love of music. I'm not sure that's how the thread works but am feeling controversial today.

@WeWantTheFinestWines I’ll be on the indie rock chick side with you. Spend most of my working week listening to 6 Music 😊