Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dating Thread 217: Is it burning bright or fizzling out?

976 replies

Heartbeats0708 · 06/11/2021 13:22

The Rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. Know your worth.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
Isitreallyme177 · 14/11/2021 17:00

@FabulousMrFifty

Public Transport is a joke in the Shires Mr Frodo.
It certainly is. It's why I drive everywhere now.
FabulousMrFifty · 14/11/2021 17:14

Yep, Drive or bike it, the only time I use PT now is when going to London ( stone the crows, etc)

Isitreallyme177 · 14/11/2021 17:30

I feel like Frodo going to Mordor when I go to London by public transport, a bus then the train for an hour or 35 minute walk then train for an hour. I drive to London now, leave my car at Westfield or find somewhere central to park.

BelladiMamma · 14/11/2021 17:33

Wasn't enjoying the way I was feeling so I've given MrA a brain dump which effectively says, you're worth more of my energy but only if you truly want it. I'm not into a one sided thing.

I just felt I had to take the direction into my hands really. Busy is understandable, constant messaging is sweet, but feeling like you're dangling ain't good. Just tell me what you want, when we're meeting and then let's go for it. Or not.

Feeling a bit sad that it might be the end but also proud of myself. I've been very aware when I've put guys on the back burner that I might risk getting dumped.

FabulousMrFifty · 14/11/2021 17:39

Hate driving in London, it’s like trying to Navigate through Fangorn Forest,
I drive 30 mins to a mainline station, then 40 minute train ride into middle of London, if somewhere is outside of Zone 1, I ain’t going!

FabulousMrFifty · 14/11/2021 17:40

Zones 2 -6 are full of Orcs.

Dazedandconfused10 · 14/11/2021 17:41

@BelladiMamma I think you've done the right thing. I'm very much a I need to know what is going on here person.

SpringlikeBunk · 14/11/2021 17:46

LOL @ London chat, I'm planning to be in-situ the previous day for the threadie meet. Busses are cheaper and often more convenient, but more nutters Hmm especially certain routes.

Hope you're ok @BelladiMamma Flowers

It does sound a little emotionally challenging/intense/fast-paced for you right now (what with MrA and ex-troubles) so maybe try to have a break or something so you can just regroup and ground yourself?

Isitreallyme177 · 14/11/2021 17:47

@FabulousMrFifty

Zones 2 -6 are full of Orcs.
🤣🤣 it can get very dangerous out there. And I wouldn't do it without a 2nd breakfast.
Heartbeats0708 · 14/11/2021 17:52

I think you're both handling your situations well @BelladiMamma and @Onesmallstep67.
Mr A has his chance now and I daresay a brain dump might just focus his mind one way or another and give you some clarity as to what is going on for him.
It was always going to be difficult to move forward but it sounds as though you've found a good one in Mr V. I'm sure late DH's family would value your happiness too, if they're a decent sort. You know your dc best Flowers

OP posts:
FabulousMrFifty · 14/11/2021 18:10

@Isitreallyme177
Too bloody right, let alone elevenses, luncheon, afternoon tea, dinner & supper!. - no chance

InABetterPlaceNow · 14/11/2021 18:17

@BelladiMamma Well done on confronting it head on! He probably has no idea how you’re feeling so will let him have a chance to take the reins and show his hand rather than you have to mind read.

@Onesmallstep67 It sounds like you’re hardly a really difficult situation really well, and Mr V sounds like he brings a lot of positives to help with that situation, whilst being respectful. Exactly as it should be. I really hope things get better and better!

Mr Tux got back into contact late this afternoon. A bit more flirting, and I asked “So does this mean you’d like to see me again? 😋”. His response was “Obviously” and has asked me how I felt after the meet.

After some reflection, it was less him talking about himself per se and more a lot about the hobby that he knows far more than me about, and me asking a lot of questions. We actually didn’t cover much personal stuff (though we’ve both covered off some important key highlights on date zero and messages in between. That could actually be a good thing, as it was more just enjoying company rather than being too serious about things.

And he’s already joked that when we met for a “proper” date I might get sick of the sight of him, so the “running away” was likely self deprecating and a follow on from that… it does seem that’s his sense of humour (and mine is similar) but he seems very confident in other ways…

Not a bad position to be in. I wouldn’t be devastated if we stopped seeing each other at this point, but I’m also quite keen to go for another meet. On reflection FWB is not the route to go at all, I’m fooling myself. I would catch feelings as there’s a definite attraction there, I just hope it’s for the right reasons!

JustThisLastLittleBit · 14/11/2021 18:20

@Onesmallstep67 do your late DH’s family know you are dating? They may well feel happy for you, and relieved you aren’t trapped in your loss forever 💐

Isitreallyme177 · 14/11/2021 18:27

[quote FabulousMrFifty]@Isitreallyme177
Too bloody right, let alone elevenses, luncheon, afternoon tea, dinner & supper!. - no chance[/quote]
@FabulousMrFifty it's a long way to Mordor after all.

FabulousMrFifty · 14/11/2021 18:48

A very long way indeed

Naimee87 · 14/11/2021 19:52

What's a brain dump? This sounds awfully 'heavy' so early on...

MayEye · 14/11/2021 20:05

@BelladiMamma my last iron Mr TG left all of the instigating to me, usually happily accepted, was always pleased to see me, nice chats in between, but in the end had nothing to offer me. I was in a permanent state of anxiety and never knew where I stood. He cooled off in the end and ghosted and made me feel pretty worthless.
I know you have done your brain dump now but I would pull right back to protect yourself.

In an extreme contrast, I am just home from a lovely weekend at Mr L’s place. There was an incident last night when I became ill and almost fainted. He was so kind to me, taking care of me all night - I don’t think he slept as anytime I stirred he was checking I was ok. I was a bit mortified but he was so so lovely and admitted he got a bit of a fright as he didn’t know what to do and was worried about me. The feelings here are scaring me to be honest.

Onesmallstep67 · 14/11/2021 20:06

Aww, thank you everyone for all the lovely support. I don’t want to monopolise the thread and kind of want to put the weekend behind me to look forward. To answer a couple of questions, DH’s family know that I am dating. They met my last DP but we were already on the wind down by then. They haven’t met Mr V in person but have seen him on zoom calls when we were doing lockdown family quizzes. The plan is for him to go with me to the family Boxing Day party. I can be a little guilty of overthinking what they or my DDs think about me moving on, as if it’s some sort of admission that I am no longer in love with DH. Possibly something I should unscramble with a couple of counselling sessions sometimes. Anyway, onwards, looking forward to having some fun in the coming weeks.
@BelladiMamma, you’ve been brave and true to your feelings and needs so good on you. 👍 Hope you are having a productive, honest and adult conversation with Mr A right now. 🤞🏼💃

Heartbeats0708 · 14/11/2021 20:17

@Naimee87 I think Bella just meant she'd explained to Mr A where her head/feelings/worries were at and it all came out at once. That's what I mean by brain dump anyway!
@MayEye lovely to hear you're still with me on the smitten bench! Hope you're feeling better though?
@Onesmallstep67 not monopolising at all, and I admire how well you're going about all this.
I'm planning to introduce Mr D to my family over the festivities too, things are going well and he's still very sweet, attentive and no red flag bunting. Hurrah! It plays on my mind sometimes that he's much quieter than me I'm used to and I was thinking about that rule "things you tolerate now will be the reason you break up" but it's more complicated than that. It's not a 'bad' thing, just different. If that makes sense.

OP posts:
Naimee87 · 14/11/2021 20:39

@Heartbeats0708 so lovely to hear things have progressed to some possible family introductions! MrD sounds like a catch you're so 🍀 lucky so enjoy! I see what's meant by a 'brain dump' suppose i would echo @Eesha here with taking a step back, effort should be being made on both sides really especially in the early days when you both just find each other irresistible! That being said work, life 'admin' and kids do make being spontaneous very difficult!

@Onesmallstep67 you've always been incredibly helpful/supportive on here and i think what you've had to deal with sounds very heavy emotionally. Just show's how strong and resilient we can be and how important family is. MrV sounds like a catch too! So here's a 🍀 for you
too!

In other news i've messaged back my DS's dad but my DS has said he won't write anything. He said it's OK i text but i'm not to say anything about how my DS is doing. Not really sure i've much to talk to him about other than DS really so probably won't engage much. I've just no feelings at all towards him really... but not sure shutting him out completely is a great idea because it may ruin things for my DS if in the future he wants a relationship with him? Isn't it so fun being and adult and not having a clue what your meant to be doing...

Cocopogo · 14/11/2021 20:51

I would be disappointed to if I’d been stood up because of a cancelled train. This is why I don’t date guys who don’t drive.

Cocopogo · 14/11/2021 20:52

What apps are people on? Bumble seems to be going slow and I’ve had enough of Tinder and Pof. Tried Hinge but nothing much going on either.

illbeinthegarden · 14/11/2021 21:12

@Cocopogo

What apps are people on? Bumble seems to be going slow and I’ve had enough of Tinder and Pof. Tried Hinge but nothing much going on either.
I'm on pof and tinder but its pretty slow going... Can't pay for them this side of Xmas atm. I find a get a couple of super keen messages from someone then they just disappear 😂🤷‍♀️

Also trying hard to not fix on who's reading what and if they are online cause that does my head in and I need to chill out! Ex used to go awol and ignore my attempts at contact so it puts me back there and I need to get over it 🙈

InABetterPlaceNow · 14/11/2021 21:35

@Cocopogo

What apps are people on? Bumble seems to be going slow and I’ve had enough of Tinder and Pof. Tried Hinge but nothing much going on either.
I met Mr Tux on FB dating - I quite like the way it's set up and found an endless amount of matches on there.

I tried Bumble and Hinge too but got a bit overwhelmed, so mostly used FB dating and will again in the future (but taking a break for now while I see what happens with the current interest).

StartingAgain6369 · 14/11/2021 21:44

@Onesmallstep67

Please don't say any think about monopolising the board, your recent postings on a personal level have really made me sit up and think, I honestly don’t know how you’ve done it, I wish you all the health and happiness for the future

Swipe left for the next trending thread