Dating Thread 217: Is it burning bright or fizzling out?

[Heartbeats0708]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@illbeinthegarden

I think @Eesha has hit the the nail on the head with her comment re Mr 34.

Apart from that welcome, I'm sure you haven't bored the sh1t out of your friends (I bet a few are secretly jealous) Regarding the sane bit the ladies who post will be far better than me but I'm willing to help when needed !

@blueeeWKD Getting a bit excited ! glad it's going well

Certainly sounds like it.. just trying to brush it off and crack on. It's all abit quiet today dating wise.

Thanks for the welcome 🤗

@inmyslippers

Hello! Tinder dater here. Wanting to share the joys of online dating

Hello I think I've completed tinder no one left to swipe atm 😂🙈 the sign of a lazy day for sure

Hello @inmyslippers

Tinder is way above my comfort factor so I'll happily let you and @illbeinthegarden go on swipe session !

I'm presuming 'illbe' your not into fishermen as your costal bound

@illbeinthegarden

Oh I do have a question- I have accounts on pof and tinder is it worth setting up anywhere else? Isn't it just the same guys on all of them? I live in a quiet place and half the radius of my stretch is the bloody sea 🙈😂

I’m in a rural area and personally I found the same women an all the free apps, but stepping upto a pay app got new faces and to be honest better quality as well but less selection

Hmm I'll have to look at the paid apps maybe...

I'd happily take a fisherman.... 😀

I'd tinder awful then? I just assumed they were all awful? Maybe I'm on the wrong apps?

Personally I found better results from a paid app, but then in 50+, so quite possibly not a key demographic for Tinder

@WeWantTheFinestWines

Inabetter I use the mobile app because I do everything on my mobile. Good points is easy access and easy to read (I can never work out the timeline when I look at the website) and top tip is to bookmark the last post you read so you can easily go back to that one and carry on when you return. Most annoying thing about the app is being unable to tag. That's really annoying. Also, sometimes your post goes up as a big block of text despite careful editing with paragraphs. I think I've had that with the website on a PC too though...

Yup, it's the app that I've been using so far and I love it for most things, but not when trying to reply to people!! Maybe I'll use a mix of the two 😁

Sadly I don't think this one is going to work out... which is a real pity!!

On the plus side, we spent 5 hours together! Most of it in the coffee shop, on a sofa... quite a bit of touching and flirting which was nice. He insisted on buying the first set of drinks and I bought a second round. He then said he'd like to buy me a drink so we moved to a bar for one.

On the more negative side, he talked a LOT about himself. Which was all super interesting stuff, but I found if I tried to steer things towards me he didn't ask much in the way of questions to find out more.

Overall I'm proud of myself for putting myself out there (I got SO nervous beforehand and wondered what the hell I was doing!).

Need to have a bit of a reflect on things...

@InABetterPlaceNow you got out there! Even if it doesn't work out, I for one, love just meeting new people. And it helps you work out what you do and don't want.

My date that cancelled called me, we might meet tomorrow instead, which is a first, he seems very genuine so I'll see if he gets in touch.

Lovely if brief encounter with MrA. Have cancelled this evenings plans as DD has just got her period and it's a heavy one. Just don't know what to do other than trialling the low effort plan.

Men on the thread, any thoughts? I hate game playing ie this isn't really a strategy as such, it's just a way to make me feel sure I'm not chasing.

Sorry if that post didn't make sense!

MrA was very attentive, sweet to DD, everything felt very natural. But as I was standing there getting a lovely goodbye kiss (in public in front of colleagues) when DD was in the loo, there was no mention of when we were going to see each other again.

I'm not going to push for the next meet. Or at least, that's the strategy. And see if he initiates his daily contact again tomorrow.

I can see with my own eyes that he's not seeing anyone else, he's just in a sold out play and doing lots of extra work and work meetings and then in a flat with 2 guys the rest of the time. But he's also not saying, can't wait til we can get some time alone. Not mentioned the trip to his home town again. I'm confused and not confused - as in I know he likes me and we both fancy each other rotten. But I feel that it could just stop tomorrow and I might never hear from him again. I'd love the certainty of at least knowing he's going to last til Christmas and when we can next see each other.

@InABetterPlaceNow

Sadly I don't think this one is going to work out... which is a real pity!!

On the plus side, we spent 5 hours together! Most of it in the coffee shop, on a sofa... quite a bit of touching and flirting which was nice. He insisted on buying the first set of drinks and I bought a second round. He then said he'd like to buy me a drink so we moved to a bar for one.

On the more negative side, he talked a LOT about himself. Which was all super interesting stuff, but I found if I tried to steer things towards me he didn't ask much in the way of questions to find out more.

Overall I'm proud of myself for putting myself out there (I got SO nervous beforehand and wondered what the hell I was doing!).

Need to have a bit of a reflect on things...

Are you sure he isn't worth a second date? Or at least be honest and say I think we are just going to be friends but I'd love to hang out?

[quote Dazedandconfused10]@InABetterPlaceNow you got out there! Even if it doesn't work out, I for one, love just meeting new people. And it helps you work out what you do and don't want.

My date that cancelled called me, we might meet tomorrow instead, which is a first, he seems very genuine so I'll see if he gets in touch.[/quote]
I did!! I really enjoy meeting new people too - honestly, I think it’s taught me that I’m going to start attending some groups etc and widen my social circle. Turns out I’m good at small talk! And I find people fascinating.

Oooh fingers and toes crossed for tomorrow!

@BelladiMamma This is why I need to reflect! The problem is… I do quite fancy him 🙄 I spent quite a bit of the time he was talking wondering what it would be like to kiss him 😂 Yet we had a bit of an awkward hug at the end of the meet…

He seemed a lot more relaxed than the first meet we had when he was very closed off. I do wonder if he has quite low self esteem and uses talking about himself as a way to “sell” himself. When I said about my drink needing to be the last one so I could get back to the kids he mentioned a few times I was “running away”…

I don’t think I’ll chase, but if he gets back in contact I’ll see what he says. Part of me thinks maybe FWB wouldn’t be such a bad idea. I’m very confused 🤣😁

I don’t have much advice on your own situation other than I really hope things work out! It sounds like you both have a real connection just circumstances might make it tricky. I’m hoping you both find a way through!!

[quote InABetterPlaceNow]@BelladiMamma This is why I need to reflect! The problem is… I do quite fancy him 🙄 I spent quite a bit of the time he was talking wondering what it would be like to kiss him 😂 Yet we had a bit of an awkward hug at the end of the meet…

He seemed a lot more relaxed than the first meet we had when he was very closed off. I do wonder if he has quite low self esteem and uses talking about himself as a way to “sell” himself. When I said about my drink needing to be the last one so I could get back to the kids he mentioned a few times I was “running away”…

I don’t think I’ll chase, but if he gets back in contact I’ll see what he says. Part of me thinks maybe FWB wouldn’t be such a bad idea. I’m very confused 🤣😁

I don’t have much advice on your own situation other than I really hope things work out! It sounds like you both have a real connection just circumstances might make it tricky. I’m hoping you both find a way through!![/quote]
Ah I see, the 'running away' comment along with the no questions conversation would probably be a no no for me. But, only you can tell if there's enough chemistry to go to the next date and / or FWB. I'm always a bit concerned by any comments that seem at all manipulative. But then that's my history speaking so it might not be manipulative at all, just low self esteem.

@BelladiMamma Yup, I think overall it’s got my defences up. I should listen to my gut on it, was already worried about red flags, and seeing more wasn’t helpful. Even if it’s due to low self esteem, I’m not really wanting to have to prop up someone’s ego these days!

It probably means we can’t even be friends, which sucks as the hobby he’s very involved in is something I’ve wanted to do for a long time. However, there’s other circles! So something to pick up on my own. I did have a nice time too, he's very knowledgeable on said subject and I learnt a lot from him!!

@BelladiMamma
Sorry, what is the question?

[quote FabulousMrFifty]@BelladiMamma
Sorry, what is the question?[/quote]
We have a lovely time but he never suggests the next meet. Do I hold back? I've organised 3 out of the 4 meets, as in I've said I'm free on such and such a day, that coincides with your day off, would you like to see me. He's said yes every time but I worry I'm doing too much of the organising and am just turning up without him instigating or organising. He is always very happy to see me and picks up the tab etc. Wants me to stay for as long as possible etc. Not hiding me away from friends or colleagues.

@BelladiMamma
There is absolutely no doubt going by your posts he likes you loads, you have said yourself he's not got anyone else and I would agree too.

I would say the big issue is his line of work, got a hit show on his hands, probably a bit shattered but loving it too but he's more than likely got one eye on where is the next work coming from.

This work instability is having a knock on effect regarding your relationship now and will be a major factor going forward (I'm pretty sure you've worked this out yourself)

Do you know what you want going forward and do you want to compromise your current situation to accommodate Mr A?

@InABetterPlaceNow

I would go on another date with him. The comment about running away could be him teasing.

Has he messaged you after the date?

@BelladiMamma
Sorry just seen the question now! Posts crossed

[quote StartingAgain6369]@InABetterPlaceNow

I would go on another date with him. The comment about running away could be him teasing.

Has he messaged you after the date?[/quote]
Thank you! Yup I'm tempted to log it in my "be weary" notebook and give him a bit more of a chance. No harm in that, right?

He asked me to message to say I'd got home safe, which I did and thanked him for a lovely day. He replied to say thank you too and wished me luck for my evening (I had a bit of a busy night planned with my kids).

From experience so far of him, that means I won't hear from him again tonight as he's been really respectful when he knows im busy with the kids or life. It will be telling whether he gets in contact tomorrow!

@BelladiMamma
Hmm that’s a bit of a problem, your doing the driving and he is a (willing) passenger coming along with you for a ride.
Maybe you take your foot of the accelerator ever so slightly, and let him know that you would love to meet up and your free days are X, Y & X and just leave it at that, let him do a bit of driving

@BelladiMamma Not a male, but I don’t think it’s game playing to hold back and see if he organises something. Perhaps the middle ground is to say let me know when you next want to meet up? Then let him do the running around and organising.