Dating Thread 217: Is it burning bright or fizzling out?

[Heartbeats0708]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Agree @BelladiMamma - I'm fighting The Cold so most physical activity is a struggle, but new challenges always good! Want to do ice skating and kayaking/canoeing and climbing this coming year.

Off out tomorrow celebrating a very good old friend’s birthday. Nice girly boozy luncheon, right up my street. 🥂🎂

@SpringlikeBunk

Agree *@BelladiMamma* - I'm fighting The Cold so most physical activity is a struggle, but new challenges always good! Want to do ice skating and kayaking/canoeing and climbing this coming year.

Climbing, rugby and boxing are all on my list. I need a PGL for adults 🤣.

Plus: finishing my book & submitting to agents (I don't have a deal it's to get representation)

And: new bread and butter career. Starting talking to DD about it to gauge how comfortable she's going to be if I'm away a lot. Answer: not very 😞 but I could cobble something together I hope 🤞🏽

@Shayelle2009

Off out tomorrow celebrating a very good old friend’s birthday. Nice girly boozy luncheon, right up my street. 🥂🎂

Oh that's great. Are you off to London?

MrA and I have been having a thing for 2 months. We've only met every 2 weeks in that time. He's going home in 2 weeks. Am going to really miss him 😭

Massive kick up arse or fallback plan needed.

Thanks for the advice everyone

Have struck while iron is hot and asked for evening date next weekend

@BelladiMamma

You’re meeting this weekend right? Why not then focus on getting the next meet in, look at travel options to his?

Also - open question for thoughts - is staying on the app and chatting with all these other guys you aren’t excited about and don’t like as much actually helpful?

If you want a distraction, maybe a work or career or hobbies one rather than “Simu-Dates” might be better?

You’ve got the social skills and confidence for meeting people so if things don’t work out you can get straight back on?

(Like I’ve come off the apps until I see where things end up with MrHedgehog but if they don’t I know I can feel sad, then work through it and get new dates ASAP - I don’t need back up options?)

@TobyEsterhase

You da man ! 🤳🏻

Not Central @BelladiMamma, south tomorrow. Are you central?

[quote SpringlikeBunk]@BelladiMamma

You’re meeting this weekend right? Why not then focus on getting the next meet in, look at travel options to his?

Also - open question for thoughts - is staying on the app and chatting with all these other guys you aren’t excited about and don’t like as much actually helpful?

If you want a distraction, maybe a work or career or hobbies one rather than “Simu-Dates” might be better?

You’ve got the social skills and confidence for meeting people so if things don’t work out you can get straight back on?

(Like I’ve come off the apps until I see where things end up with MrHedgehog but if they don’t I know I can feel sad, then work through it and get new dates ASAP - I don’t need back up options?)[/quote]
You're right of course. This is the way forward. I wanted to mention dates to visit but I'll wait til I've had more 1-1 time with him as this is group socialising this weekend. I am also not chasing for our regular Sunday date this weekend as I feel like he needs to ask rather than wait for me to say I can come up on his day off. I want just a little bit of commitment from him. He's very genuine but it's time he had a chance to chase me. And if he doesn't, well .... I will be back here analysing it in minute stall

*detail

@Shayelle2009

Not Central *@BelladiMamma*, south tomorrow. Are you central?

All North London tomorrow, but central north iyswim

@TobyEsterhase

Thanks for the advice everyone

Have struck while iron is hot and asked for evening date next weekend

I sincerely hope she's free! But it's a great sign to her that you're interested. Kudos 👍🏻

You’re resilient @BelladiMamma maybe you’re a bit worried about vulnerability/feeling sad/protecting yourself if things don’t work out?

But you’ve got through worse shit than a break-up with someone you like.

I imagine when the shows over the vibe will be quite different for dates, hopefully time for a bit more relaxed intimacy etc?

Can imagine a weekend away exploring somewhere new would be a nice date to have booked in

We’ll be here @BelladiMamma however it turns out. Hope he makes the effort for you though 💗

Go @TobyEsterhase! Nice moves! Lol @FabulousMrFifty ‘strike while the iron’s hot’.. im pilfering that! (Not that I have any irons) 😄

@Shayelle2009 @SpringlikeBunk thanks both.

Am executing step 1 of bunk plan and culling a couple of chats.

End of the day @BelladiMamma if he dosn’t make any effort then he’s not really that interesting anyway so in that case fuck him! Hopefully that won’t be the case though 👍

I don’t really know North @BelladiMamma. I’m east and south, ghetto 🤣🤣💗

@Shayelle2009

I don’t really know North *@BelladiMamma*. I’m east and south, ghetto 🤣🤣💗

Those your ends?

My df used to live in Westminster next to St James's park so I can say those are my ends. Hilarious 😆 it's all hedge funds and posh army barracks now.

My manor 😁😁

I'm not sure how to quote stuff on here but your strategy of getting Mr A to chase you a bit/make an effort is exactly how it should be. I've been very guilty myself of being almost too accommodating. Perhaps on some level I was worried that if I didn't make that effort, they wouldn't in return. My children's dad was possibly even more obsessive early on. But I do recognise I need to have that courage to almost step back and see the level of commitment/enthusiasm from the other party, even if it is nil.

I'm in North London myself, but will be west tomorrow.

@Eesha

I'm in North London myself, but will be west tomorrow.

We social butterflies 🦋 will pass each other like ships 🚢 in the night 🌙

@Eesha

I'm not sure how to quote stuff on here but your strategy of getting Mr A to chase you a bit/make an effort is exactly how it should be. I've been very guilty myself of being almost too accommodating. Perhaps on some level I was worried that if I didn't make that effort, they wouldn't in return. My children's dad was possibly even more obsessive early on. But I do recognise I need to have that courage to almost step back and see the level of commitment/enthusiasm from the other party, even if it is nil.

Yes exactly. I mean someone who spends about an hour on the phone to me every day for the last two months is enthusiastic but ... it could be a different kind of interest I suppose? I want to see what happens. I'm not afraid of asking about arrangements etc, I'd just love him to do it.