Dating Thread 217: Is it burning bright or fizzling out?

[Heartbeats0708]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Omg @Eesha. What a fricking let down. On a friday night as well. Sorry chick 😣

@illbeinthegarden I couldn’t keep on with the online dating. Gave up once and for all some time ago. Even when I was seeing someone for 3 months and he told me he wanted me to be his girlfriend he was still online and active on the apps. It’s not worth the waste of time. Maybe one day I’ll meet someone out and about, but the app culture makes everyone so disposable and it’s not the kind of way I like to live my life, so I’m steering clear now. Good luck with it!

@Shayelle2009 that's so depressing. I don't know what I'll do when I decide I'm actually ready for a committed relationship.

Don't know why, something made me think about the last date I had from meeting someone IRL. It was 1999!!!

Yeah @BelladiMamma it really knocked me as it was the first person I’d met that I’d really liked in a long time. Looking back I see what a fool I was. That was 2 years ago now and I’ve not met anyone I’ve liked since. The pandemic hasn’t helped though. Glad you had a good time last night and its liften your spirits after a crappy time with your ex 💗

@BelladiMamma Sorry not to reply again yesterday, busy day with training at work.
Its interesting you mentioned 19 yrs together that you put up with crap from your ex,I did 19 yrs too (marries 17). Maybe 19 is the new 7 year itch thing😂
I didn't leave before because he threatened suicide and because of our daughter, I had been planning to leave for 7 years before I actually left.
The main thing is we got away.

@Eesha Boo to Mr Artist but kudos for him being honest now. Hope everyone on the school run appreciates your hair.

@MizK I'm in the 'not trusting men' camp and I've been with Mr K 2 years🙄
I think at the start of dating someone asking personal questions and delving deeper is always going to get our hackles up, we all know not to overshare early on and thats a good defence mechanism.
What isn't so good is keeping that defence mechanism going even when things are going well.
I believe that trust has to be earnt, I mean I'm not constantly worrying Mr K will cheat but I do worry about giving 100% and then things ending. I can't allow myself to be vulnerable with him, I've been hurt too much in the past to let someone in and even with counselling I don't know how much I'll be able to change. We don't really discuss emotions, I mean we say we like each other but there is no mention of love which works perfectly for me (MrK is as emotionally unavailable as me so we're well suited/not well suited)
For now I'm just enjoying what we have and going with the flow.

@BelladiMamma thanks - I guess I’m a bit shy so find it hard to make friends and have a good social life. In some ways I find dating easier than making friends! I do have friends but they’re quite dispersed, the ones locally are parents and don’t have much free time.

Glad you had a good time at the gig! The way you live your life is very inspiring to me.

@illbeinthegarden

I'm so tired of this lark

Been on one date, great fun, good chat, texting lots... cancelled second date (moving:stressed) said he'd ring tonight as still wanted to be in touch. I texted to ask if he still wanted to chat and I'd ring... not even read message despite being online all night.

I'm so fed up of this 😔 other people seem to be quite successful at finding a partner I'm just broken I think 🙈 i just feel embarrassed yet again that I had got excited about someone who turned out to be a let down again.

How do you keep going at this!!

@illbeinthegarden I'm a good one for giving people the benefit of the doubt. Moving is stressful and busy. I had my cinema 'date' cancelled this week as he is moving next week, I've not heard from him since Sunday and he has been online but a) he is moving next week, b)he is working, c) he is likely to be packing/childcare/deliveries/shopping. Slightly different as I know him well enough now to not worry it was an excuse to get out of the cinema but moving is an all time consuming affair.

Oh and I am like @Shayelle2009 we are fellow app quiters.

@BelladiMamma
The logical part of me knows you are 100% (of course), the emotional part of me kept looking at WhatsApp, what colour are the ticks ?, has she read my messages ?, is there a response?, will I like it ?

It’s like someone has given you a tiny glimpse of some kind of potential happiness, then taken it away again.
Women - bah ! - think I’ll stick to bikes, less tricky to deal with 😣

Sorry to hear the stresses dating is causing people! Hopefully it all gets better for you.

I have 2 dates zeros one tonight and one tomorrow. I feel like I need to buy new date outfits. I'm hoping tonight's one has legs but we shall see. Now we are really getting into winter I'd really like to get to to stage where I've got someone I can curl up on the sofa with a few nights a week.

@Dazedandconfused10

Sorry to hear the stresses dating is causing people! Hopefully it all gets better for you.

I have 2 dates zeros one tonight and one tomorrow. I feel like I need to buy new date outfits. I'm hoping tonight's one has legs but we shall see. Now we are really getting into winter I'd really like to get to to stage where I've got someone I can curl up on the sofa with a few nights a week.

Your killing it 👍

@FabulousMrFifty those bloody blue ticks! I turned them off once but it was just as bad if not worse not knowing if they've read it.🤦‍♀️

I've never had read receipts or last seen turned on so I've managed to avoid the anxiety, I wish you could turn off where it says you are online! I use WhatsApp for work and so hate people thinking I'm ignoring them (I am but I'm working, I'm not socialising)

@Dazedandconfused10 you only see if the other person is online if you are in the message chat though. So if someone sees you online they are either in your chat waiting for you to message (which is weird) or about to message you.

@Dazedandconfused10 I have a dedicated work/whatsapp number, use to juggle everything on one number but late night messages got to me

[quote Isitreallyme177]@Dazedandconfused10 you only see if the other person is online if you are in the message chat though. So if someone sees you online they are either in your chat waiting for you to message (which is weird) or about to message you.[/quote]
Really? I never knew that.

More stuff to get anxious about!

I'm such a strange one. I was just looking at some photos of MrA and thinking that I wouldn't miss him and I had loads of work to do. Lust is an odd beast.

[quote StartingAgain6369]@Dazedandconfused10 I have a dedicated work/whatsapp number, use to juggle everything on one number but late night messages got to me[/quote]
I so need to do this as well. Keep the OLD chats on a separate phone

[quote FabulousMrFifty]@BelladiMamma
The logical part of me knows you are 100% (of course), the emotional part of me kept looking at WhatsApp, what colour are the ticks ?, has she read my messages ?, is there a response?, will I like it ?

It’s like someone has given you a tiny glimpse of some kind of potential happiness, then taken it away again.
Women - bah ! - think I’ll stick to bikes, less tricky to deal with 😣[/quote]
Oh gosh I totally empathise. Whenever that happens to me, I try to unpick what it is about that particular person that inspired that in me. And if I can go get that for myself, even if it's just appreciating my daily life, I really try to do that. Does that make sense?

@BelladiMamma

What I've done for a few years now is upgrade my phone every 2 to 3 years, then I use the new phone as personal the old phone for business

The old business phone either gets traded in or ebay

Also makes installing apps transferring data logins etc less stressful

@BelladiMamma it's why I went into a tizz the other day as I was writing a message to Mr Cricket not sure I was going to send it (nothing bad I just wasn't sure if it was worth it and wanted to think about it) but he appeared online ehilst I was in the middle of typing and would have seen typing... next to my name (as you can see if someone is typing you a message as typing appears by their name) so I ended up sending it.

@Isitreallyme177

Mr Cricket would have seen you online but he would only have seen you type if he was in your chat

Well, I agree the whole digital comms era is hellish for dating.

Have decided I'm going to channel my inner Tracey Ann Oberman going forward.

For those of you who don't know this fabulous actress I've attached an image. She played an agent in It's A Sin

[quote Isitreallyme177]@Dazedandconfused10 you only see if the other person is online if you are in the message chat though. So if someone sees you online they are either in your chat waiting for you to message (which is weird) or about to message you.[/quote]
no, thats not true. I can be online on a whatsapp call not messaging anyone and my contacts who care to look can see I'm online. They aren't necessarily waiting to message you or vice versa.

I know moving is the one of the most stressful things, trust me I've just moved out for an extension/refurb( don't do it anyone just don't!), but I've texted my friends, kept up with work and I'm very busy at work right now(Barrister), run my son to football training 2 evenings a week and continued to date Mr JB- not seeing him as much as we would both like, but he recognizes my effort. I'm sorry but he doesn't seem that into you if he can't eke out 3 hours for a movie. Hope it's not harsh, but i've been there a few months ago and wished I hadn't let it drag on

My work won't pay for a phone so I refuse to pay for two. I don't mind too much, it goes on do not disturb every night anyway!

[quote Isitreallyme177]@FabulousMrFifty those bloody blue ticks! I turned them off once but it was just as bad if not worse not knowing if they've read it.🤦‍♀️[/quote]
I KNOW, how can the colour of 2 tiny ticks cause so much angst

I LOVE WhatsApp, it’s so functional, chats, groups, pictures, video, mute, archive, everything, I’ve got the connected version on my IPad as well, much easier on the eyes.

@Myfabby I'm not bothered if he didn't find 3 hours to go to the cinema considering he was also running a training course on Tuesday and I didn't finish work until 6pm by which time the film was due to start and it was only on at one time as it was a special preview. He is also working this week which takes him out of the country.