Dating Thread 217: Is it burning bright or fizzling out?

[Heartbeats0708]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

The Velvetiser just sounds lovely even though hot chocolate not worth the calories usually...my spare calories are for crisps, cheese and wine! So probably shouldn't get one or I'd be doomed.

@InABetterPlaceNow

@Eesha fingers crossed you hear soon. I'm sure you will, and hope your hair is looking swishy!

@InABetterPlaceNow obviously I don't know your story but the red flags to me don't sound alarming. I certainly don't blame you for being alert to the signs of you've been through tough times. Hope he's lovely to you.

I went out with MrTattoo (ex iron turned friend) and we talked a bit about why things didn't work. He said he thought I was gorgeous and funny (softening the blow perhaps) but really tense and awkward whenever he tried to get close or physical or ask anything too personal. I think I just dont trust men at all. Not saying that this guy has me all figured out but I think I'm so determined not to allow myself to feel damaged by my ex that I actually can't be myself. Does that make sense to anyone? I like to have good energy and keep everything light but I just don't know how I can be open with a man I'm in a relationship with. Now MrTattoo and I are friends only I've let my guard down with him like I do my female friends but when we were potentially romantic I just couldn't. Ugh.

@MizK

The Velvetiser just sounds lovely even though hot chocolate not worth the calories usually...my spare calories are for crisps, cheese and wine! So probably shouldn't get one or I'd be doomed.

@InABetterPlaceNow

@Eesha fingers crossed you hear soon. I'm sure you will, and hope your hair is looking swishy!

@InABetterPlaceNow obviously I don't know your story but the red flags to me don't sound alarming. I certainly don't blame you for being alert to the signs of you've been through tough times. Hope he's lovely to you.

I went out with MrTattoo (ex iron turned friend) and we talked a bit about why things didn't work. He said he thought I was gorgeous and funny (softening the blow perhaps) but really tense and awkward whenever he tried to get close or physical or ask anything too personal. I think I just dont trust men at all. Not saying that this guy has me all figured out but I think I'm so determined not to allow myself to feel damaged by my ex that I actually can't be myself. Does that make sense to anyone? I like to have good energy and keep everything light but I just don't know how I can be open with a man I'm in a relationship with. Now MrTattoo and I are friends only I've let my guard down with him like I do my female friends but when we were potentially romantic I just couldn't. Ugh.

@MizK welcome to the 'not trusting men' club. It's so lovely to have another member 😂

I lost my trust in men ages ago. ❤️

@MizK that's my way of saying you're not alone... I'm a bit clumsy with my words sometimes. ❤️

@StartingAgain6369

No not made it there yet, keep meaning to,

Good breakfast here
www.tripadvisor.co.uk/Restaurant_Review-g1096536-d3611810-Reviews-Touchdown_Cafe-Wellesbourne_Warwickshire_England.html

I’ve been to itchy balls a few times as well, bit disappointed last time

www.facebook.com/thelongitchdiner/

@MizK I think I'm a bit like you in that respect. I come across super chilled but actually a previous partner said I was the most controlled person he had ever met. I guess it's because that is a defence mechanism so they don't get to know the real me.

Mr Artist replied saying he felt we should wait "because he thinks he has an issue with booze". Others on the thread may know that my ex is an alcoholic. I'm just done with men now. Done.

Hi All.. Great new thread. I spent the weekend with my guy. I still have my doubts as to how long things will last... but I'm just trying to enjoy things whilst they do. When I'm there he makes me feel really special but i feel a like out of his thoughts once in back home.

Off to catch up with all your adventures on the thread

@MizK I was told I need to let someone in at some point otherwise I'll be on my own forever. I just don't think I can go through the heartbreak of splitting up with someone again so I can't or won't let a man get that close.

I don't like people knowing the real me either. The only person who knew that was my ex, and he couldn't stand me, so I figured it's better for people not to know ❤️

Even Mr Gambit has run away again. I can't blame him. At least he's got out of potentially being my carer. 😂

Don't mind me... I've been diagnosed with a vitamin D deficiency and am still feeling a bit fragile. Also having terrible pain in both my hands which is as you can imagine, doing wonders for my course. 🥺

@FabulousMrFifty

I haven't been to those but heard good things, mainly stick to C&M and the Falcon at Hatton

Do you come over on the moped?

I'm so tired of this lark

Been on one date, great fun, good chat, texting lots... cancelled second date (moving:stressed) said he'd ring tonight as still wanted to be in touch. I texted to ask if he still wanted to chat and I'd ring... not even read message despite being online all night.

I'm so fed up of this 😔 other people seem to be quite successful at finding a partner I'm just broken I think 🙈 i just feel embarrassed yet again that I had got excited about someone who turned out to be a let down again.

How do you keep going at this!!

@StartingAgain6369
Moped indeed! Cheeky boy !

[quote FabulousMrFifty]@StartingAgain6369
Moped indeed! Cheeky boy ![/quote]
I've got a friend who is into his big fast bikes and always refers to them as a moped

@Eesha

I want a Velvetiser!!! But realistically I never make hot chocolate and this would mean piling on the pounds.

I'm now not sure my date is actually happening tomorrow with Mr Artist. I messaged an hour ago asking about where we are meeting and no response yet. He was meant to look for places. I even had a hair cut. Hoping I don't get a lame cancellation excuse.

Mr Italy #3 has said he's looking for a FWB and I've had to grudgingly say no because I know I wouldn't be able to handle it.

Oh bugger! Sorry they're not being more helpful ...!

[quote Eesha]@MizK I think I'm a bit like you in that respect. I come across super chilled but actually a previous partner said I was the most controlled person he had ever met. I guess it's because that is a defence mechanism so they don't get to know the real me.

Mr Artist replied saying he felt we should wait "because he thinks he has an issue with booze". Others on the thread may know that my ex is an alcoholic. I'm just done with men now. Done.[/quote]
What? 🤦‍♂️
At least you didn't get involved. Bullet dodged but 😞

@MizK @illbeinthegarden I have gone from being super attentive to detail with irons, eg have they answered my message on time, did they hold a door open for me, etc etc to now playing a high stakes high risk game, where I'm totally smitten with someone who lives hundreds of miles away and for all I know, could be seeing dozens of women 🤷🏻‍♀️. It's swings and roundabouts on OLD, and especially if you've got a bit of history it's never going to be plain sailing. So long as you have support and other stuff IRL, remember to keep your skin thick and your expectations low ... you can enjoy the ride. Or at least that's where my head is at now.

Still totally buzzing after my night out. There were lots of lovely people at the gig too, I felt very much surrounded by my tribe 🥰

I've got a few chats going from Feeld and not sure what to do with them.

One of them I definitely need to cull. I really enjoyed talking to him at first but now I've just got strange vibes, can't put my finger on it but I don't think I should meet him. He's actually been very respectful. I don't know why, there's something about his voice that has set my antenna going.

The others haven't given me a gut feeling either way really. I just want to have some options really, and I'm being greedy.

I'm also hanging back from making any other arrangements with MrA as I've made myself very available and I think I need to see if he makes the arrangements this time.

We've had some lovely chats again today. He's actually done my confidence and self belief the power of good because he's suggesting things and talking things through with me that I've been thinking about for years, career wise.

So I'm going to take that and more out of this fling. I am actually really grateful to have met him. I feel like he's reached out to me and has just encouraged me to take some baby steps in a couple of directions I wanted to. It's extremely validating. (And that my friends is why I'm still doing the work on myself because I should be able to do this without some hottie telling me it's the right thing!)

@BelladiMamma yup, it might have been the truth or could have also been his get out card if he had had a better offer for tomorrow but it annoys me as I got my hair cut! The only plus is no faffing round with childcare plus I'll look extra good for the schoolrun. I do often wonder whether this dating malarkey is really worth it. Never fails to disappoint in my case.

How's everyone else's weekend looking? Can't believe it's come round so quickly again.

@MizK I have the same issue now with getting close to men emotionally, when my ex left this year he criticised my whole personality, completely laid into me and told me I’m a shit person. So I just keep everything light and breezy with guys now, I don’t think they want to hear about all my insecurities and hang ups. It’s tiring keeping it up though.

I’m going out with Mr Beard on Saturday, maybe cinema or a walk. We had quite a hot night on Wednesday where we just jumped on each other after a couple of drinks. I think he’ll get bored of me as he’s very extrovert, has a good social life, which I don’t so much. But for now I’m enjoying the company and our similar interests in food, coffee, vampire comedies etc!

[quote BelladiMamma]**@MizK* @illbeinthegarden* I have gone from being super attentive to detail with irons, eg have they answered my message on time, did they hold a door open for me, etc etc to now playing a high stakes high risk game, where I'm totally smitten with someone who lives hundreds of miles away and for all I know, could be seeing dozens of women 🤷🏻‍♀️. It's swings and roundabouts on OLD, and especially if you've got a bit of history it's never going to be plain sailing. So long as you have support and other stuff IRL, remember to keep your skin thick and your expectations low ... you can enjoy the ride. Or at least that's where my head is at now. [/quote]
Thanks you and i know I need to brush it off and just keep going... sometimes it just makes you despair!! Oh well... I'll keep on swiping 😀

@illbeinthegarden

I'm so tired of this lark

Been on one date, great fun, good chat, texting lots... cancelled second date (moving:stressed) said he'd ring tonight as still wanted to be in touch. I texted to ask if he still wanted to chat and I'd ring... not even read message despite being online all night.

I'm so fed up of this 😔 other people seem to be quite successful at finding a partner I'm just broken I think 🙈 i just feel embarrassed yet again that I had got excited about someone who turned out to be a let down again.

How do you keep going at this!!

It’s tough for sure, I’m normally quite a confident and self assured person but both have really taken a battering from Women / OLD this year, the failure with Ms Business was particularly difficult to deal with.

I’m taking a step back for a while and will probably just have some fun with Ms Wales for a while.

When the fun stops, stop 🛑

[quote Eesha]@BelladiMamma yup, it might have been the truth or could have also been his get out card if he had had a better offer for tomorrow but it annoys me as I got my hair cut! The only plus is no faffing round with childcare plus I'll look extra good for the schoolrun. I do often wonder whether this dating malarkey is really worth it. Never fails to disappoint in my case.

How's everyone else's weekend looking? Can't believe it's come round so quickly again.[/quote]
Whichever it was, that's not someone you would want to be involved with. I'm frustrated for you.

I hope your haircut looks fabulous darling and why not take some selfies with your new 'do so that when you feel like venturing back on the apps you've got a shiny new photo

@Stayingstrongish would you like to have a good social life too? Don't let comparison to other people hold you back. If it's something you find attractive in MrBeard, why not think about it adding it to your life in different ways?

@FabulousMrFifty from your posts about MsBusiness it definitely seems like it can't have been anything personal, she'd probably just launched herself into dating without thinking through whether or not she had the time for it. She clearly wanted to meet up, it was just the reality of her lack of time which stopped anything from developing

@illbeinthegarden don't know why but your comment reminded me of 'keeeeep dancing'! It's a bit like going to the gym isn't it, just KOKO