Dating Thread 217: Is it burning bright or fizzling out?

[Heartbeats0708]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Naimee87 those lonely drives are weird aren’t they.. I always worry about the car breaking down at some god foresaken hour in the middle of the forest..

@Shayelle2009 @Isitreallyme177 @Naimee87 chocolate is one of those things that I can't eat so much of. Like the wrong sort of red wine I get a banging headache!! My life might be colourful but my diet and drinking habits are anything but.

Hehe @BelladiMamma im the opposite! Boring bloody life but I’m an alchie and a chocco fiend 🤣🤣

I shouldn’t say that really I sound very ungrateful.. I have a great life i just WISH FOR MORE EXCITEMENT! (Hear me angels!) 😇

@Naimee87 no he's not a trucker (sorry) but he does have access to the staff shop 😉

Still have no idea what I'm going to cook for Ms Sunglasses, struggling to fix the date so got a bit of breathing space

@Shayelle2009 I've got a velvetiser, best hot chocolate😋.

@Isitreallyme177 oh MY GOD if ever there was a luxury kitchen item to own this would be it! That is SO funny! Swiss chocolate is really maybe you've heard of Läderach but it's very pricey and i'd still choose cadbury's over it any day.

Well i officially am on tour tomorrow with a trucking company shadowing a driver for the day, which begins at 6am in a city over an hour away from where i live! So i'm off to bed in about an hour or so! Last call is so nearly finished!

@StartingAgain6369 too much thought goes into food, just get sloshed and tuck into dessert! You can eat the day after, you'll likely have an appetite!

@Shayelle2009 tell me about this velvetiser!?

[quote Eesha]@Shayelle2009 tell me about this velvetiser!?[/quote]

@Eesha I'm not really a fan of hot chocolate but this is amazing. I really like the white chocolate one.

oh MY GOD if ever there was a luxury kitchen item to own this would be it!

I would have to disagree and say it a bean 2 cup machine, I’ve got one of these, it’s the absolute dogs..

www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B001EOMZ5E/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_9JMSBHNY7HSVMTHXP64P?psc=1&_encoding=UTF8&tag=mumsnetforu03-21

@Naimee87@StartingAgain6369 ‘get sloshed and tuck into dessert’ he’s going to forget all about dinner 🤣🤣🤣

[quote Isitreallyme177]@Shayelle2009 I've got a velvetiser, best hot chocolate😋.[/quote]
@Isitreallyme177 we are officially soul sisters 😍😍

@VanGoghsDog hope you’ve heard from WG and he’s on his way

[quote Shayelle2009]@VanGoghsDog hope you’ve heard from WG and he’s on his way[/quote]
Nope!

He texted at 8.31 saying he was leaving about eleven. It's a three or three and a half hour journey. Four if it's busy but no reason to be busy today.
Not heard a word from him since then.

Gargh @VanGoghsDog. Hope you hear something soon.

Considering making hot chocolate but no idea where any such gubbins might be!

At home I make it in a pan with oat milk, agave syrup, raw cocoa powder and vanilla essence.

Enjoying the hot chocolate chat, hopefully we can find a nice cafe in London for the meet-up I’m a classic Cadbury’s and milk girl

@VanGoghsDog that sounds awesome!

Hi everyone, do you mind if I join?

After a 13 year abusive relationship and 6 years being single and "doing the work" I finally felt ready about 6 months ago (after a few false starts) to try OLD. A few connections, and had an impromptu meet with someone about 2/3 months ago - just sat in a park and talked for about an hour. We clicked really well I think, but I wasn't sure on his body language so thought maybe he didn't fancy me. He walked me back most of the way home as he was headed to a friends who lived in my direction and we hugged (I went back for a second as it was really nice 😂).

Then life imploded then next day (the story might come out if I stay on the thread!) and I essentially told him I while I had a lovely time I couldn't do it right then.

He's stayed in the background, touching base... and a few weeks ago (after some more implosions on my side) things started to settle down in my life and our conversation via text has picked up. Loads in common and he's made me laugh out loud.

He suggested a few days ago we have that elusive "proper" date, so it's set for Saturday.

My head is all over the place. Why did he stick around this long? Am I actually ready for someone to be back in my life?

I have loads of tools and can think things through critically but it's bringing up loads of insecurity too. I thought my self esteem was pretty good these days 😂 But my gut tells me I need to do the practical test now. I also genuinely want to talk to him in person about some of the things we've talked about over text, so that's a good sign!

Just might need a bit of a sounding board as I'm seeing potential red flags.. but then I see them everywhere these days.

Inabetterplace welcome to the thread. What are the red flags you're concerned about? Have your chats been inappropriate or is he love bombing you? Because from what you've said, it sounds like he felt a spark when you met and he thought it was worth it hanging around to meet again and get to know you better, maybe unless something better came along - which it didn't. Sounds lovely to me but rebuilding your confidence can be a slow process. Why not have an open mind and meet him again for another lovely hug?

Welcome @InABetterPlaceNow

Agree with @WeWantTheFinestWines - I don’t think you have enough information or face to face time to come to any decisions?

(I do get the overthinking and overanalysis as I’m the same but don’t let that overwhelm you!)

I’d just meet in person, see how it goes, notice any red flags or how comfortable you feel - take one contact and date at a time, it may fizzle out or it may not?

You’re not on a promise and neither is he, you’re just getting to know each other and hopefully it will be great but if not you can politely detach it’s not a big deal?

Sounds nice @InABetterPlaceNow, I’d go with it ☺️

Thanks everyone! I won't go into the red flags right now as you're all right - it's too early and they are just things to keep in mind. I can walk if I need to!

There's been no love bombing (I think?!) - He's been genuinely respectful. Though he's been saying nice things... I don't know where the line is. He's made a few digs, like "if I don't get monthly python references we'll have a problem", but I countered that with "there will absolutely everything some I don't get, but that just means we need to add it to our watch list to get me educated as I had a sheltered childhood"... which he agreed with and has become a running joke. I guess that's just called flirting?!

Deep breathes, know I can walk away any time I want, take it slowly etc... 😂 I absolutely think I am the crazy one right now!!

Thank you!

@InABetterPlaceNow

As someone who also dates “with some lifelong trauma and vulnerability” I’d say also don’t worry too much about “getting it right every time” and protecting yourself by analysing and controlling everything and trying to make things perfect ?

(This is what I’ve done myself coming from some abusive early experiences)

Just take reasonable precautions and boundaries and see how it goes, if it feels off you can just drop it?

Loads of daters have slightly shit experiences (I hope this guy isn’t for you !) you have all the agency and can just chalk it down to experience and quickly move on.

@InABetterPlaceNow have you seen him since that first meeting? I understand the overthinking and the questioning about why he stuck around. Men won't unless they want to though (need to listen to that myself). So just go and enjoy it.

Oh and I definitely understand the going in for a second hug. Mr Cricket gives the best hugs and I never want them to end, sadly they have to(and I've not had one for a month😫).