Dating Thread 217: Is it burning bright or fizzling out?

[Heartbeats0708]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@jugglingjobs no he's been splitting his time between his mum's and his brother's, he moved out last year. I'm being non-committal about it all here as I start overthinking and it does me no favours.

@Heartbeats0708 thank you, as you say once he's into a routine who knows but for now I'm doing what I should have done and concentrating on myself and getting back into my gym routine.

Just catching up with the thread after DD1 parents evening and a detour via McDonald's

I see so many attractive women in Supermarket's but can never bring myself to say anything, the only time I get spoken to is normally a very cute old lady asks me to reach from a high shelf

Nice to have you onboard @jugglingjobs

@Heartbeats0708

I'm still hopeful that the Mr cricket situation will turn out to be a slow burn *@Isitreallyme177* if things start to settle down when he's moved and got into a routine with his DC. You've had great advice *@jugglingjobs especially that distilled version of 'how to do the apps' from @SpringlikeBunk*, honestly Bunk you should write a book or set up a coaching service! My weird overthinking anxiety bubble seems to be disappearing. It's a gentle deflate rather than a pop, a PP said to just enjoy the time now for what it is and not ruin the present by thinking about the future (possibly *@Onesmallstep67*?). Hope this weekend is calm for you resilient is an excellent adjective for you, I think it whenever I read about how you've navigated life and parenting after your DH passed away. Enjoy *@Naimee87 and glad your DD is feeling a little better @BelladiMamma*. Hi to everyone else!

Thank you. She came back in from school and was so chatty and normal. It was wonderful. 1st day this week she managed school. 3 long days to get over some shitty treatment from her Dad 😞

@Isitreallyme177 as the pp said I'm all for the glass of wine oops I seem to have snogged you by mistake strategy 😁🤷🏻‍♀️ I mean we don't all want to be the Kristin Scott Thomas character in 4 weddings, however hot she is

@BelladiMamma well if we ever get to have a glass of wine or two 🤣😬

[quote Isitreallyme177]@BelladiMamma well if we ever get to have a glass of wine or two 🤣😬[/quote]
Aaargh so frustrating isn't it

I hope you'll see him soon

@BelladiMamma I'd like to see him soon even just a catch up would be nice. Hopefully things start to quieten down a bit soon.

Checking in ❤️

[quote Isitreallyme177]@BelladiMamma I'd like to see him soon even just a catch up would be nice. Hopefully things start to quieten down a bit soon.[/quote]
If I've got a crush on someone, not seeing them sends me in a tailspin, I start questioning whether or not I imagined everything.

@Isitreallyme177 yes I know what you mean, better not to over think it too much and just see how it goes.

Ugh. Analysis paralysis. MrA and I have started to share lots more. Every week we go further in terms of what we share about our lives. This week has been sharing about exes and marriage breakdown. I was happy to share and to listen to his experience. I felt ok then last night couldn't sleep and was in a dark place. Therapy session booked!

Am now feeling super vulnerable and will try to have a quiet day. Good news is I'm going out with DD and a girlfriend of mine tonight to a gig. And DD has re established her contact time with her dad, on her terms.

Crossing fingers for a good one for us all ☘️

@BelladiMamma that's how I feel sometimes so I'm trying to put those feelings to the back of my mind otherwise I start questioning whether he actually likes me as a person. But this week has been a good week for me (even if it's busy), I think getting back into the gym on Sunday really helped straighten my head out (an hour with my music and some nice eye candy always helps me🙈) .

[quote Isitreallyme177]@BelladiMamma that's how I feel sometimes so I'm trying to put those feelings to the back of my mind otherwise I start questioning whether he actually likes me as a person. But this week has been a good week for me (even if it's busy), I think getting back into the gym on Sunday really helped straighten my head out (an hour with my music and some nice eye candy always helps me🙈) .[/quote]
The gym is my happy place! Used to be the horse but I've adapted to the gym 😊

Plus I have the dogs. But nothing beats an outdoor swim in twilight at the gym

He never fails to disappoint! Yay! And his truck is no nice and new and rooomy with LED lights in blue or red! We went for red for 'a romantic ambiance' I'm enjoying a nice 'sex/zombie 4hrs sleep kind of high' about to dial into my first call in a ghost-office! I have seen about 3 people! Still haven't had a chance to catch up yet! But hope everyone's doing fine!

@Onesmallstep67 I hope you can enjoy some time with Mr V for his birthday.
Sending love and hugs 💕 to you and your daughters for this weekend, I hope you can spend it remembering the good times you shared.

@BelladiMamma Are you thinking it was too soon to tell Mr A given that you haven't labelled what you are?
I know its hard when one party shares stuff not to then share your own experience but remember just because you have wild, intense times with him doesn't mean you need to share anything that might make you vulnerable.
I hope you csn speak to your therapist as soon as possible.

@BelladiMamma hope you enjoy the gig tonight and feel in a better place soon. Everything feels worse at night when you can’t sleep I find.

@Stayingstrongish @SortingItOut it's just reliving everything and realising what a doormat I was, and how unhappy I was. I self blame and then lose my confidence. It's hard. I feel like I lost years of my life supporting someone who didn't deserve it and who actually hated me.

However, lovely times planned and thinking a lot about career moves next year. Just need to let DD have a bit of breathing space before I relaunch my work life.

@Naimee87

He never fails to disappoint! Yay! And his truck is no nice and new and rooomy with LED lights in blue or red! We went for red for 'a romantic ambiance' I'm enjoying a nice 'sex/zombie 4hrs sleep kind of high' about to dial into my first call in a ghost-office! I have seen about 3 people! Still haven't had a chance to catch up yet! But hope everyone's doing fine!

This ^

@BelladiMamma I totally understand, I'm fine with keeping my marriage tucked away in a box in my head and not thinking about it....if it rears its head it always shocks me what I went through.

I know if I see my ex my heart starts racing, I get hot and sweaty and feel sick even though we've been split 3.5yrs.

Plans for next year sound interesting.

[quote SortingItOut]@BelladiMamma I totally understand, I'm fine with keeping my marriage tucked away in a box in my head and not thinking about it....if it rears its head it always shocks me what I went through.

I know if I see my ex my heart starts racing, I get hot and sweaty and feel sick even though we've been split 3.5yrs.

Plans for next year sound interesting.[/quote]
I sat down again yesterday and wrote down some of the things he'd said to me over the years and it was so shocking. I can't believe I stayed past my first month of pregnancy. It started then. With a brief hiatus for me to get pg again.

Don't get me wrong, on the outside we were a great couple. Fancy lifestyle etc. Just on the inside when the door was closed it was nothing but insults and abuse. It was only when it turned physical and the gaslighting was constant, day in day out and in front of the kids, that I cracked. Feb 2019 is when I first served the papers and September this year is when it was finalised. Last slept with him October 2019. It's been a long hard road to get away. And now he bullies DD because he can't get to me. 19 years together!!! It's nuts. What was wrong with me? (Actually I've figured that out, I had zero experience of this sort of behaviour and he was so effusively 'in love' with me in public ... it was very very confusing).

@StartingAgain6369

Just catching up with the thread after DD1 parents evening and a detour via McDonald's

I see so many attractive women in Supermarket's but can never bring myself to say anything, the only time I get spoken to is normally a very cute old lady asks me to reach from a high shelf

Nice to have you onboard @jugglingjobs

Some advice for @StartingAgain6369

Speaking as a single woman who frequents supermarkets, I would suggest the best place to potentially start a chat with a woman is in the flower section. Then you can more easily avoid that awful thing where you keep seeing the same person up and down every aisle, as the flower section is usually set somewhat apart - near the entrance/exit usually.

Hey everyone 👋 ive been having a drama with a broken down car and a tow truck yesterday!! 🤦🏻‍♀️
@Naimee87 could have done wuth your horse power 🚛 all sorted now though! Sounds like youve had a magic time with magnet nan hehe!! LED lurrve shack!
@Isitreallyme177 so glad you're feeling brighter, you are too good for that guy anyway trust me huni!

@BelladiMamma and @Onesmallstep67 hugs and for you both xx
@Eesha you’re like the Pied Piper for those Italians!! Lucky devil!! 💃🏻
Hi to everyone else 💗💗

@Naimee87 not magnet NAN of course 😂😂