Dating Thread 217: Is it burning bright or fizzling out?

[Heartbeats0708]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

[quote Dancerinthemoonlight]@StartingAgain6369 my job is safe but I really don't like the company, it's a very toxic place and its not in the area of my sector I want to be in anyway. At least I have a job while I look for a new one[/quote]
I've been in your position when I was a lot younger and walked out of the job, the people and atmosphere was toxic. Luckily after a fortnight landed a job via an agency which I stayed at for 4 years.

@jugglingjobs I empathise here, I think we all hate online dating but it's a bit of a necessary evil these days. I have been on maybe 15 dates in 4 years as I hardly ever like someone from profiles or chat or in person and I'm pretty strict on screening. However you can only try but keep an eye out in real life too.

@StartingAgain6369 yay for the upcoming dinner (and more) with Miss Sunglasses! What are you making to go with her 'pudding'? Is this date 2?

@Isitreallyme177 sorry about the cinema being cancelled. Will Smith annoys me so perhaps you had a lucky escape with the movie.

@Dancerinthemoonlight stay positive as with any work there are peaks and troughs and the right job/interview won't go past you. You've come such a long way since you first started posting here.

@BelladiMamma enjoy the time spent with Mr A and don't let the thought of the future mess up the present. Easier said than done.

I'm still no closer to an outfit for my date (clearly more important than my actual date). I look bedraggled after another late night working so today I'm going to try and take things easier so I start looking more alive. Mr Artist has been in touch (which I like) and is very hopeful we are attracted in real life (cue me wondering about height again / not disappointing people)

I had date zero last night. It took 3 weeks to arrange as we both cancelled once. It was fine, I very much felt like he was not into me, I don't think I'm into him but then he asked me on a 2nd date... I'll go because I feel like it's worth another meet to see how things go. Conversation was easy and he's a nice guy so I've nothing to lose

Wow this thread moves fast overnight!

Yes I'm being a bit cart before horse but I was on the verge of doing a grand declaration yesterday about going exclusive and 1. Even 3 days ago I wasn't ready for that so honestly what's changed now? 2. He's in a really manic intense phase with the play, which will be over in 4 weeks and by jumping the gun, my timing would be appalling. 3. The most sensible time : thing to do would be to talk about it if he invites me again to his hometown to stay and there's a decent connection then when we are both together when he's not working (although he seems to have hit a particularly busy time at the moment, who knows, it might continue). I will just keep on keeping on and see how things go. A couple of his friends wanted him to say hi to me yesterday which I thought was really sweet. God I'm so smitten.

@Eesha thanks for your thoughts. We have a lovely connection, I know I haven't imagined it. We have great chats and he's never ever disappeared on me. So I just need to breathe. I hope you get some childcare and you're happy with your outfit. Even if he isn't the man of your dreams I hope that it's a lovely evening 😊. Does he have DC too and will he understand the situation with childcare?

@Stayingstrongish I hope things are feeling more positive this morning. My DD is finding it really hard to manage a full day at school this week. She has such a poor attendance record and with GCSE's coming up I am worried. But equally I know she's a very bright girl and has a wonderful future ahead of her; it's just it might be a marathon not a sprint with her.

@Dancerinthemoonlight ugh I hear you on the self esteem / work crap / OLD shenanigans. In the old days just think you'd have been chatted up by someone in the pub and not known whether or not you'd see them again. So much easier eh!!

@jugglingjobs OLD is a bugger indeed but if you go into it with low expectations and don't beat yourself up about the outcomes, it can be a really useful tool for meeting someone. Just keep that rhinoceros hide on!!

@Isitreallyme177 just echoing what pp said about work. Hope you get some quieter days soon, especially as we move into the shorter days. Wfh in winter can be hard.

@Dazedandconfused10 deffo go for a date 2. You might end up just as friends or have some fun nights out. I don't regret my experiences with MrTattoo or MrSardinia even though the spark wasn't there in the end.

@Eesha as for yummy I've also been beating myself up about how many women he must have after him but in fact, he's probably not everyone's type. He's extremely buff, but he's bald and very much a particular physically type (think very Celtic looking). His personality is also a particular type which I'm comfortable with as half my family have the same background as him but he's quite in your face. Honestly in the least pervy way he and I could be related ... exactly the same religious and ethnic background as one side of my family. It's made me realise that I should probably update my profile to 'working class gobby third generation Irish Catholic only please'. Of course these days I don't present like that but believe you me that's the person underneath all the sophisticated Bella image 🤣

[quote BelladiMamma]@Eesha as for yummy I've also been beating myself up about how many women he must have after him but in fact, he's probably not everyone's type. He's extremely buff, but he's bald and very much a particular physically type (think very Celtic looking). His personality is also a particular type which I'm comfortable with as half my family have the same background as him but he's quite in your face. Honestly in the least pervy way he and I could be related ... exactly the same religious and ethnic background as one side of my family. It's made me realise that I should probably update my profile to 'working class gobby third generation Irish Catholic only please'. Of course these days I don't present like that but believe you me that's the person underneath all the sophisticated Bella image 🤣[/quote]
Sorry that was also for @MizK the yummy answer

@BelladiMamma I know it must be tempting to ask as you like him so much, but wouldn’t you like it more if he was the one who asked you? He is clearly smitten with you and I just think if you can stay cool and wait if he feels it in his heart you’ll know… then again don’t listen to me as I’m a walking disaster relationship wise. But I learnt hard lessons about chasing men so I don’t anymore. I know he really likes you ❤️ Who wouldn’t??

@Isitreallyme177 so sorry your cinema meet got cancelled. I hope you aren’t feeling too down about things. At least with Christmas coming up there’ll be fun things going on to cheer us single ladies up. Hugs

@Dancerinthemoonlight same for you too it’s a shame you haven’t found your perfect job yet I think when that happens it’s going to make everything feel a bit brighter? 💛

@jugglingjobs

hi everyone, I'm popping into the world of online dating again I think

I just don't really like online dating, but I would love to meet someone for dates and I really really need some action. The problem is I don't seem to like anyone, I get bored so easily when messaging and when I do meet people from online I just never really like them.

I then wonder why I am always alone

Is anyone else like this? I think I connect better with people I meet in person, but these days I don't go out alot and when I do I don't think people are mixing as much maybe due to covid.

@jugglingjobs I could have written your post

Not going back on the apps though anytime soon. Fooking awful 😣

@Isitreallyme177 since you mentioned kitty igloos. Does your cat love them? I’m thinking of getting one for mine since you mentioned it, where did you get yours
I’m feeling kind of broody and thinking of getting another kitty! Would so love a dog, but can’t with work 😭

[quote Shayelle2009]@Isitreallyme177 since you mentioned kitty igloos. Does your cat love them? I’m thinking of getting one for mine since you mentioned it, where did you get yours
I’m feeling kind of broody and thinking of getting another kitty! Would so love a dog, but can’t with work 😭[/quote]
Please come borrow my dogs. They're also a very effective way of deciding not to get a dog 🤣 as they're complete nutters.

Get the igloo for kitty's Christmas 🎅🏻 present 🎁

@jugglingjobs I was exactly like you, its why I did casual for 18mths after my marriage ended. I get bored easily (in life/work/relationships, I always have loads of stuff on the go) so I needed a man who kept my attention.
The thrill of the chase stopped my boredom, but most of the time when we met they were boring and I never saw them again. I mean a few I did and they became FWB.

I'm not sure how I'm with Mr K still, he's interesting and as we have a life outside of our relationship there is always lots to catch up on so I don't get bored when I see him.

What hobbies do you have?
Could you join any groups to meet people?
OLD is a numbers game, moving to a meet asap seems the best way for you especially if messaging can bore you, at least if you don't like them you filter them out early on and you can move on to the next one.

[quote Shayelle2009]@BelladiMamma I know it must be tempting to ask as you like him so much, but wouldn’t you like it more if he was the one who asked you? He is clearly smitten with you and I just think if you can stay cool and wait if he feels it in his heart you’ll know… then again don’t listen to me as I’m a walking disaster relationship wise. But I learnt hard lessons about chasing men so I don’t anymore. I know he really likes you ❤️ Who wouldn’t??

@Isitreallyme177 so sorry your cinema meet got cancelled. I hope you aren’t feeling too down about things. At least with Christmas coming up there’ll be fun things going on to cheer us single ladies up. Hugs

@Dancerinthemoonlight same for you too it’s a shame you haven’t found your perfect job yet I think when that happens it’s going to make everything feel a bit brighter? 💛[/quote]
Hearing your wisdom here. I know how I feel at the moment. I also know that my life is very constrained and my feelings can change very quickly for people. And yes, how lovely and romantic would that be if he asked / told me first ♥️. Maybe I should just hold onto that as the prize ... as if he doesn't say anything obviously we won't be here in a year's time ... cos I'll have lost interest in someone who can't be arsed to take me off the market (how romantic is that 🤣)

Thanks everyone I'm hoping work quietens down soon. Now people are travelling again the travel part of my job is picking up. Also the gyms are picking up in the evenings again so I'm going to have to bite the bullet and brave the busy evenings occasionally. I might find those hot gym guys I suppose.

@Shayelle2009 pets at home, you can get ones with tops and ones without. I like the ones with tops as it gives them a safe place to hide. I want a dog too(or another cat) but not sure how she would be. Which is why I may wait until Mr Cricket has got his puppy next year, then I can get him to bring it round and see how she is with it.

@jugglingjobs I could have written your post too! Not sure what the answer is

@BelladiMamma “cos I'll have lost interest in someone who can't be arsed to take me off the market (how romantic is that 🤣)” No I hear you and id be exactly the same. When you’ve been through loads of shit, things that don’t bring feelings of happiness have to hit the kerb! Sounds like it’s burning bright though so hope you're enjoying that, as it’s pretty rare isn’t it 🧡
Oh yesssh to borrowing the hounds 🐶🐶💘

Thanks @Isitreallyme177 I think I will get her one. Hope she does use it though. Think shes feeling the chill at the minute as she’s in her senior years 💗💗💗

@Eesha

yay for the upcoming dinner (and more) with Miss Sunglasses! What are you making to go with her 'pudding'? Is this date 2?

Yes it will be date 2, more than likely the weekend after next as both of us need to juggle home arrangements. At the moment got absolutely no idea what I'm going to cook, I'm in a bit of a sweat already thinking about it

[quote Shayelle2009]@BelladiMamma “cos I'll have lost interest in someone who can't be arsed to take me off the market (how romantic is that 🤣)” No I hear you and id be exactly the same. When you’ve been through loads of shit, things that don’t bring feelings of happiness have to hit the kerb! Sounds like it’s burning bright though so hope you're enjoying that, as it’s pretty rare isn’t it 🧡
Oh yesssh to borrowing the hounds 🐶🐶💘[/quote]
Once DD has settled down again I'll make arrangements. Had a good email exchange with school today and they've been very reassuring

🐶🐕🦮🐩🐕‍🦺🐾

You may live to regret this 🤣

[quote StartingAgain6369]@Eesha

yay for the upcoming dinner (and more) with Miss Sunglasses! What are you making to go with her 'pudding'? Is this date 2?

Yes it will be date 2, more than likely the weekend after next as both of us need to juggle home arrangements. At the moment got absolutely no idea what I'm going to cook, I'm in a bit of a sweat already thinking about it[/quote]
Something that you can partly prepare the night before to help with nerves?

@StartingAgain6369
So fess up, what (or who), was for pud ?

@BelladiMamma I would wait I think. You know he likes you a lot due to being generally really attentive and you meeting his friends but you also know he is still checking Feeld plus has an extremely busy job, and in addition, actors can definitely lay on the charm. See how your next few dates go and keep that card to yourself.

Yes, Mr Artist has kids and actually our days don't really align easily. Hence I'm seeing as just a date zero which won't go anywhere but a chance to dress up (when I cam finally get my outfit sorted!)

@StartingAgain6369 I've rarely ever been cooked for so the fact that you are making any type of effort will have a positive impact!

@FabulousMrFifty Ms Sunglasses is bringing pud to the date ! I've told Ms Sunglasses I'll eat anything and before this post turns into a Carry On film script I'll leave it there but her texts have been a bit cheeky (nothing graphic tho)

My DD would love a dog but we have several cats who wouldn't be impressed. And a dog seems a much bigger commitment and needing looking after if you are away overnight. How will Mr Cricket manage a puppy and being away flying regularly do you think isit ? (sorry to hear that life got in the way of you getting to see the film together)
bella I think I would sit tight for the time being with Mr A. It sounds like you are both juggling various different demands. I think I was about 6 months or more in before I alluded in conversation to Mr V that we were in a relationship. Are you still checking in on Feeld ? From the day Mr V and I started chatting on WA I never logged back in to POF, almost 2 years ago, and I still get emails from them saying I have had a mutual match !
It's Mr V's birthday today and he has the next 5 days off so was (am) looking forward to spending a bit of extra time with him but my older Dd is coming home from uni until Saturday and has told me she's missed me and needs some quality time together. It is also the anniversary of their DF's death this weekend so I will be juggling lots of emotions and needs here too.
Wish someone was offering me a delicious pudding... euphemistically or otherwise