Dating Thread 217: Is it burning bright or fizzling out?

[Heartbeats0708]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@WeWantTheFinestWines

I'm loving all the bar suggestions, and maybe I'm showing my age here, but it seems really important that we be able to hear each other - at least at the beginning of the evening. Then we could hit a hip and happening joint, but I so want to talk to everyone! We'll have to wear usernametags of course...

Well, at least your username tag will keep the waiters coming back!

[quote Eesha]I have this
www.hush-uk.com/kinsey-sequin-skirt-black/003453-0456-6.html?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIqfb3r4CL9AIViuGzCh2uUwOBEAQYASABEgLiMvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds#fo_c=1586&fo_k=16f6ea8ef44523d35d74398a35633872&fo_s=gplauk

and have just bought this

www.clarks.co.uk/c/Pure-Caddy/p/26143536[/quote]
Ohh love the boots, cannot see a men’s size 10 !

I’ve got some Chelsea boots in black

www.clarks.co.uk/c/CitiStride-Top/p/26163728

Or some fab suede in brown (bit like these)

www.clarks.co.uk/c/CitiStride-Top/p/26163728

Or even some TCX Hero’s in Tan
www.urbanrider.co.uk/tcx-hero-waterproof-boots-brown.html

A true gent can never have enough boots..

Thats great styles you have for dates. I wish I could combine sthg stylish but well, its not my strong side.
I need your opinions please: I had 5 dates with a guy, due to his commitments - kids - we are only able to meet every 2 weeks (which is fine). On our next possible weekend he said he is seeing friends from morning till well I guess night hours. He was nice about it and as a principle I do think its okay, however as its so early into dating and we are not yet girlfriend and boyfriend it feels a bit like a let down as I would think at this early stage he would prioritise seeing me and waiting for a friends day/night when we are kind of established. He did suggested me driving to his on Friday but i cant as I have MOT and thats the only day I don't have to do school run. It all means date 6 will be a month away in December... I feel a bit low but not sure Im justified really. What do you think please?

[quote Shayelle2009]**@BelladiMamma* and @Eesha* hope youre both ok today after shitty incidents with your exs!

So looking forward to seeing everyone in Feb now! Hope everyone doesn’t think I’m a dick though, I’m not intelligent, cultured or well read like everyone here and I love tattoos 🙈 haha x[/quote]
I used to wear a leather waistcoat and Cuban heeled boots as student, I really was a dick.

Hmm will username tags will be that conducive to people asking @Isitreallyme77 if it's really her ?

@HairyArsedMan

Hmm will username tags will be that conducive to people asking *@Isitreallyme77* if it's really her ?

And asking you...........for evidence??

And asking you...........for evidence??

😂😂😂😂

Oh I'm not saying I'll be there @VanGoghsDog - but feel free to attempt to verify that

I do love the south bank and usually stay in Southwark when getting my culture fix and would love to be there in Feb. but I need to see how childcare arrangements fall in the new year.

@Hehx3 I don't think you're right, if he (and you)have limited free weekends then you have to see friends, family, life admin still.
It comes across as controlling that he should see you over and above his friends.

No one should put someone they are dating above friends and family.

I understand its not ideal as your time together is limited but I think its good he is maintaining friendships still.

@HairyArsedMan

Hmm will username tags will be that conducive to people asking *@Isitreallyme77* if it's really her ?

🤣 haha very clever !!

God I hope Im not controlling. I just felt down as its so early into dating, but I agree with the principle of maintaining own lives.

@Hehx3 Try not to take it personally, he suggested another day which you then cant do.

Maybe think about if your friends organised a night out on the same day you should meet this man, I'd hope you'd go out with your friends and not dump them for a man you're newly dating.

@Hehx3
Hmm tricky one, if was newly seeing one and I really liked them, I would try and see them as much as possible, but if that person said I should ditch my friends/ family too see them it would certainly be a bit off putting, sorry, of course the other side of that is not having a date for a month, which is also a bit off putting,
Is there no option even for a quick meet up to keep things “ticking along” ?

I am definitely not making him shit about it and was kind with my answer so I hope Im not shit. I guess I'm relieving my fears, as my ex husband left me after major operation to see his friends (i then had to look after our 2 boys). It was traumatic for me (and 7 yrs ago!). Of course its okay to see family and friends, I have just thought it is so early and we are not yet "in love" so bond is not that strong. My only defence I guess is that he is seeing his friends every Monday and some Fridays. Eh it is so difficult, protecting yourself from being hurt down the line and balancing giving people fair chances...

Thank you @FabulousMrFifty I havent suggested to him he needs to change his plans and accepted without trying to make him shit about it in a kind way. It was just my feelings around it, low and shit maybe a-bit scared too and yes thinking a bit like how can I maintain it for 4 weeks... I have Fridays free but he has his children, we both work full time and live an hour away so no not really other option 😞

@Hehx3 once we are a bit older with career and family responsibility this is genuinely the biggest barrier to making any relationship work, whether it's OLD, a friendship or just seeing your family enough. We all live quite 'silo'ed' lives but with digital comms we also expect others and ourselves to be 'always on' and that includes dating. It's hard to give in to the ebb and flow of peoples' lives. Plus none of us are fools who jump in anymore!

However. I totally get where you're at. I find differing schedules and priorities really challenging. Just breathe through it and consider whether or not you want to do some 'light' dating or meet ups with people in that time. Or if you have something you'd really like to do that you've never got round to.

Personally I think 3 weeks is the max I could wait between meets but in the early stages of dating it's very hard to impose your needs as a priority over and above the other person's pre existing commitments. I'm in such lust with MrA I think I'd spontaneously combust or sleep with someone else by mistake just to let off some steam 😁. Sorry that's probably not what you want to hear!!

@Hehx3 Have you ever had counselling after your marriage ended?
I wonder if you might benefit from some?
You keep saying about being shit, that's quite negative, you are not shit,you are you and you are great.

Its an interesting choice of words you used before, about not 'in love' yet, surely no one loves anyone for a good few months and you seem to be implying that once you're in love he's fine not to see you and go out with friends.

I'm with Mr K and sometimes we are not able to meet and it is disappointing and overthinking doesn't help that, when I think rationally I'm fine with it but when you first know about it, it feels like you've been let down and that is not the case at all.

@Hehx3
Can you not have a couple of voice/ zoom/ FaceTime calls to keep the connection going even if a physical meet up is tricky?
A few WhatsApp calls ?

@WeWantTheFinestWines

YY 100% agree

its ages to organise yet but I think first priority is just to get everyone somewhere we can all "introduce and check-in with each other" in a relaxed way, as it can be a bit daunting otherwise just walking into somewhere especially if it's noisy or a sit-down meal!

plus its nicer if everyone is sitting in a circle and can see and talk to everyone initially.

if we do a whatsapp group closer to the time we can see what times everyone is coming in and go from there.

@SortingItOut yeah i had counselling, quite extensive and long as my ex was abusive and leaving was hard. I am past that in a sense that I know I wasn't at fault but I just don't want make same mistakes again and I kind of felt shit. Yes I know what you mean, in me talking this way however I do have a self worth but I was taught that my feelings don't matter so while I know they do I keep questioning myself and well I do really want to be fair and a good person.
I guess I think when bond is created and you can be sure of other person then its more okay to "leave them to it" as you can trust its just not going to disappear so it felt he is not too worried about that and Im just convenient when I am there.
@BelladiMamma that made me smile, I cant date others if I went to bed with him and i dont have mental capacity. Im not worried about that time in a sense Im quite happy on my own and can fill it eith other stuff. I just thought it just dont feel like he is that bothered.
@FabulousMrFifty no chance for zoom as im homeschooling my younger (he has ASD) and I dont want him to hear him as its waaaaay to early for them to be involved in any shape or form.

Aww thanks you guys I love how we are all different yet everyone feels included and noone’s looked ‘down’ on for any reason (as sometimes that does happen, even with me by my own family etc). I love this thread! 🥰 everytime I check in before and after work it feels like I’m seeing my buds 👯‍♂️👯‍♂️ And we really will in Feb! It’s gonna be fun, and quite the experience!! 😆

@Isitreallyme177 you can tell me about this studio when we meet up! And @SortingItOut that’s amazing having a back piece! Painful on the spine 😨

When’s your date @eesha? Hope he turns out to be a sparky one! X

@Hehx3 I would feel a bit weird too as in the early stages, you want someone to be really excited to see you. As long as he's suggesting alternative dates, then that's what matters, ie keeping things moving.

I am really into baggy knits at the minute. Bring on the Christmas wool 💗