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Relationships

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Original poster

Pregnant and treated like shit!

103 replies

SickOfCrap · 30/10/2021 06:11

I am 34 weeks along, have Gestational Diabetes and cannot be any more stressed than I already am.
DH's ex decided to leave the country for 2 weeks (or so she says), and left my step kids with him. Now I am 8 months pregnant and had absolutely no say on that.
He agreed with her behind my back, never asked for my opinion, when we had talked about having people here before... We agreed we wouldn't have the kids until my baby is born, because for f&s sake I need a break!
Now, he goes behind my back, agrees with this. Treats me like shit and I feel like I have nowhere else to go.
I'm so angry, I am so frustrated and tired.
I just want to rest. The house is always loud now. I might have to be induced, and I'm dreading having to have my baby when his kids are here. I might have to do everything ny myself, even the birth...
What would you do?

OP posts:

Original poster

SickOfCrap · 30/10/2021 06:12

PS I have no family here, so running away to my Mom's would be out of the question..

OP posts:

Anycolourwilldo · 30/10/2021 06:18

He shouldn't have gone behind your back but it is unreasonable of you to say he couldn't have his children staying with you while you're pregnant. He is still their father and has a responsibility towards them. It would be awful if he suddenly dumped them just because he has a new baby on the way. Sorry this isn't what you want to hear but I think you're being unfair.

Original poster

SickOfCrap · 30/10/2021 06:20

But for 2 weeks when I can have my baby at anytime and their mom is just out and about enjoying life? How is this fair?

OP posts:

WheelieBinPrincess · 30/10/2021 06:21

Well where would they have gone as an alternative?

34 weeks you aren’t likely to have your baby anytime surely? You could have 6/7 weeks to go yet!

madisonbridges · 30/10/2021 06:22

I get that you're tired, stressed and feeling like crap. But they're his children. How can they not come to his house to spend time with him, especially if their mother is away? You married him knowing he had children so I think it's unreasonable to suddenly say they can't come to their second home for several weeks.

Unanananana · 30/10/2021 06:24

He wasn't going to have his children for FOUR TO SIX WEEKS because you need a break? Is that correct?

He shouldn't have gone behind your back but they are his children and its their home. Would you refuse to see your own children for that long for the sake of this one?

Sorry you've had a rough time but the world doesn't revolve around your pregnancy. You can relax when the DC are at school and your DH should be taking the reins when they are home.

madisonbridges · 30/10/2021 06:25

@SickOfCrap

But for 2 weeks when I can have my baby at anytime and their mom is just out and about enjoying life? How is this fair?

You think the mother should curtail her life because her ex decided to have a baby?

Anycolourwilldo · 30/10/2021 06:26

Your pregnancy isn't her responsibility. Why should she not go on holiday just because her ex's new partner is pregnant?. I get that you want a break, which must be hard. Can you speak to the step kids - tell them you need their help at the moment. Take time out for rest whenever you can. Presumably their dad does most of the parenting when they're over anyway?

Aquamarine1029 · 30/10/2021 06:26

@SickOfCrap

But for 2 weeks when I can have my baby at anytime and their mom is just out and about enjoying life? How is this fair?

Who said being a parent or stepparent is fair? Far from it.

You married a man with children. I'm sorry, but he can't just turn off being a father for your convenience.

Player001 · 30/10/2021 06:26

Why is their mum not allowed to be out and about having fun just because you are pregnant?

No, he shouldn't have made this decision without discussing it with you but he obviously knew it would be pointless because you would have said no.

InTheNightWeWillWish · 30/10/2021 06:29

I’m 35 weeks and have GD too. I get the exhaustion, the stress, wanting baby to stay out just long enough to be cooked but get them out before worrying.

However, he can’t leave his kids. Especially if their mum has gone off somewhere. It’s not fair that he wouldn’t see his kids because of the new baby. That’s really going to make his kids feel like shit. He’s being a good dad and whilst you’re tired and stressed, you want him to be a good dad because it means he’ll be a good dad to your baby. The ex doesn’t owe you anything, you can’t control her actions.

LoekMa · 30/10/2021 06:43

But for 2 weeks when I can have my baby at anytime and their mom is just out and about enjoying life?

I really hope those words dont come back to bite you OP. Like if you two split up and his new partner makes a fuss about your child being around. Imagine how that would feel

BenJackinoff · 30/10/2021 06:47

He’s their father of course he should be able to have them at his house

What are you going to do if you have another? Send it away for weeks at a time because you need a break?

He doesn’t get to stop being a parent just because you’re pregnant. He has responsibilities.

Suprima · 30/10/2021 06:47

@SickOfCrap

But for 2 weeks when I can have my baby at anytime and their mom is just out and about enjoying life? How is this fair?

Don’t have children with a man who has done it all before if you feel that way

Really hope those words don’t come back to bite you

KurtWildeWitchOfTheWoods · 30/10/2021 06:49

He doesn't get to stop being a parent to his other DC just because you're pregnant. And him deciding to have more children isn't his ex's problem. I totally get how exhausted you feel, but your partner has existing children to consider too.

Couldhavebeenme3 · 30/10/2021 06:49

You're 34 weeks. You could have another 8 weeks before you give birth, and you don't want your dh to see his KIDS AT ALL until baby is born?

I get it. Gd is hard. But yabvvvu. They're his kids too

Popopopo · 30/10/2021 06:58

A lot of people have to look after their other kids when they're about to have another baby or habe just given birth....this is no different, sorry. I know its hard, I've done it myself!

Mrbob · 30/10/2021 07:00

WTAF. They are his children. They don’t just leave when it’s convenient

TopCatsTopHat · 30/10/2021 07:08

Your baby is his third (?) child, couples who are on their third child have to manage as you are doing now, it is entirely fair that he is taking responsibility for his children even though he has another on the way.

It was utterly crap that he landed you in this without discussing how it would work or giving you warning etc. Perhaps this kind of behaviour is why he isn't with the mother of his first children? Does he usually behave thoughtlessly or disrespectfully to you?

If it's a one off I'd imagine maybe she put pressure on him and knowing you would refuse he took the cowards route of doing it without consulting you. If he often takes no notice of your wishes then you've probably got a deeper problem.

You can't expect him to go weeks without seeing his other children though, that's not fair on them and not a good way to start the relationship with their new little sibling.

What to do? It doesn't sound like you have much choice other than to cope with it sadly. If you have somewhere to go then take it.

Missey85 · 30/10/2021 07:22

YABU their his children of course he said yes to having them their his family just because your pregnant doesn't change that

Amberflames · 30/10/2021 07:55

@SickOfCrap

But for 2 weeks when I can have my baby at anytime and their mom is just out and about enjoying life? How is this fair?

This must be a reverse. Surely no one expects the ex to be home doing nothing for weeks on end just because the new girlfriend is pregnant?

gamerchick · 30/10/2021 07:57

You can't ban his kids OP, they're his kids and you took a man on who was a dad already. You and your baby don't trump the bairns already here.

I'm pretty much thinking reverse as well tbh. Reverses are irritating.

Holly60 · 30/10/2021 08:03

You chose to become part of a blended family. This is what it is like. Your partner has children that he has responsibility for.

anon12345678901 · 30/10/2021 08:11

They're his kids. Of course he should have them. You chose to get involved with a man who has kids, this kind of thing is to be expected. He can't not see his children simply because you're pregnant. You aren't being treated like shit in this instance. He's just doing what's best for the kids and they should come first.

Naunet · 30/10/2021 08:21

SickOfCrap
But for 2 weeks when I can have my baby at anytime and their mom is just out and about enjoying life? How is this fair?

Who looked after the kids when he was off having fun meeting you? Fathers are just as responsible for theirs kids as mothers are. She’s allowed to enjoy her life, just like he is.

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