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Original poster

Pregnant and treated like shit!

103 replies

SickOfCrap · 30/10/2021 06:11

I am 34 weeks along, have Gestational Diabetes and cannot be any more stressed than I already am.
DH's ex decided to leave the country for 2 weeks (or so she says), and left my step kids with him. Now I am 8 months pregnant and had absolutely no say on that.
He agreed with her behind my back, never asked for my opinion, when we had talked about having people here before... We agreed we wouldn't have the kids until my baby is born, because for f&s sake I need a break!
Now, he goes behind my back, agrees with this. Treats me like shit and I feel like I have nowhere else to go.
I'm so angry, I am so frustrated and tired.
I just want to rest. The house is always loud now. I might have to be induced, and I'm dreading having to have my baby when his kids are here. I might have to do everything ny myself, even the birth...
What would you do?

OP posts:
MrsBobDylan · 30/10/2021 08:38

I don't think you've thought this through op.

You're having a baby with a man who already has two kids. It will impact on you and your baby. How could you not know that?

Affjo · 30/10/2021 08:41

What a drama queen

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 30/10/2021 08:53

How selfish , of you not him!

You got pregnant to a man with children, he is responsible for his children and it’s incredibly unfair if you to “claim” he wasn’t having his children for 6-8 weeks.

The ex can do whatever she wants, she’s left her children with their father and what she’s does during that time is nothing to do with your.

Your pregnant not ill!!!

RacketeerRalph · 30/10/2021 10:18

I think the title should read "pregnant and treating others like shit".

KatherineJaneway · 30/10/2021 12:14

@SickOfCrap So what did you think the kids should be doing with their Mum away?

kitkatsky · 30/10/2021 12:27

Sorry OP but you need to grow up. They're still his kids even if you're carrying another one. Once baby is born you're in for a massive shock when you're no longer the most important person. If you're that unwell then let him look after the kids and get plenty of rest, but you're not being treated like shit here

Bluntness100 · 30/10/2021 12:34

I’m sorry op I understand you’re worried and stressed but these are his kids. He can’t just ban them like you wish, and I’m sure you won’t want them there after the birth either.

updownroundandround · 30/10/2021 12:36

@SickOfCrap

I get that you feel like shit with the pregnancy and GD, but unfortunately, that's life.

You always knew he was already a Father. And I get that it was shit of him to spring the kids 2 week stay on you with zero warning. But that's a 'you and him and communication' issue not a DC issue or an Ex wife issue Hmm

It's totally unreasonable for you to try to dictate when he's allowed to see his kids because you're tired ffs ! (You think you're tired now ? Just wait until you've had your baby for a couple of months ! Trust me, you're not that tired yet !!)

What his Ex does in her kid free time is bugger all to do with you, but of course the kids should be left with their Dad while she's away.

Did you think that his Ex should have her child free holiday revolve around your pregnancy ?

It sounds like you're not really understanding what it's like to be a 'parent' yet, but once your DC is here, I think you'll understand a lot more.

A good parent will do anything to spare their kids a moments hurt or anguish, and it sounds like he's a good parent.

And you'd better think again if you expect your DC to prioritize your DC over his first 2 kids, because that will never happen, because they are all HIS kids.

He's doing his best for his DC, and you should applaud that, not keep trying to force him to put you above his children.

I hope your pregnancy goes well and you have the birth you hope for. Flowers

Chloemol · 30/10/2021 12:37

So just don’t do anything for them, he can look after them, feed them etc

Monr0e · 30/10/2021 12:40

Is this your first?
If you have another, are you going to send the one you are pregnant with away for an indefinite amount of time until you give birth to that one?

Imagine if you break up and he meets someone else, how would you feel to him treating your child the way you are expecting him to treat his existing children

RantyAunty · 30/10/2021 12:44

Is he actually taking care of them or has he dumped all their care on you?

Beautiful3 · 30/10/2021 12:56

You chose to be part of that family by being with him. His children don't need permission to be in their home. If their mum dies, ou do realise that they'll come live with him permanently. So I do think that you are being unreasonable.

Motherland101 · 30/10/2021 13:04

He agreed with her behind my back, never asked for my opinion, when we had talked about having people here before... We agreed we wouldn't have the kids until my baby is born, because for f&s sake I need a break!

WOOAAHH!! People? You mean his children? They aren't just some random visitors. What is wrong with you? Yeah sure he should have discussed it with you before but hardly need your permission to have his children staying with him. Do you have children or is this baby your first? What happens when you have your second child? Are you going to ship them off for 6/7 weeks because "for fucks sake, you need a break!" ??? Poor kids. You must be so welcoming.

Opentooffers · 30/10/2021 13:28

It could be seen as out of order if he expects you to look after his own kids. His ex probably had this trip planned for a while, it's off that your DH just landed it on you, but these are the times where he should step up for his DC's and have them. It's unreasonable to stop them coming round. But, it would not necessarily be unreasonable for you to go away at this time for a few days break, perhaps in the 2nd week, his responsibility to ensure he has childcare in place while you go for a rest Grin

CokeZeroAddiction · 30/10/2021 13:32

Sorry OP, but you’re in the wrong here.

Alexandria94 · 30/10/2021 13:45

Poor kids. You seem to be playing the role of 'evil stepmother' to perfection here. You don't want his kids to stay with their dad for months? You're only 34 weeks, you could go on for another 6-8 weeks. And then with your attitude I cant imagine you will welcome the kids after the baby is born, which is when things really will get tough.

I understand being pregnant is tiring and emotional, and I'm sure you're not a bad person. You are just focussing too much on yourself and not thinking about what is fair to your dh and his kids.

As other posters have said, think of how you would like your DC and yourself to be treated if you ever split up and dh embarked upon a new relationship.

However, and this is a big however, if all of the care of the kids is dumped on you then that does change things. I hope he is pulling his weight and doesnt leave everything to you.

Bookworm20 · 30/10/2021 15:05

He absolutely should have consulted with you on this. I take it the dc are with you at the moment for longer than they normally would be? So I am totally on your side that he should of discussed this with you, pregnancy or no pregnancy.

However, they are his dc and can’t just be left out of the equation because you are tired and stressed. I understand it’s hard right now, but you knew he had them before you got pregnant and they have as much right to be in your house as your baby will have.

As a step parent, it is difficult, but your dh should be taking up the slack here so you can rest. Which he should be doing also if you are that exhausted if they were your own dc.

Yabu to ban them from your house until the baby comes. Think about it. If you have another baby are you going to ban this one from the house for weeks at a time around when it’s due?
Of course not. That would be ridiculous. So you cannot treat your stepchildren any differently.

I’m sorry you are struggling. And I think maybe hormones might be getting the better of you over this. I don’t think some of these comments are helpful, so ignore the ones attacking you. Suggest to your dh to take the dc out somewhere for a bit then take yourself off to bed, watch some Netflix, have a bath, anything to help you destress for a couple of hours. You’ll get through it op, and soon you’ll have your beautiful baby with you.

justustwoandmoo · 30/10/2021 15:36

Honestly I can understand that you are tired. I wonder though if it is making you act a little irrationally? I am part of a blended family (2 small step children and my own 12 year old daughter). I can't ever imagine telling my partner that he can't see his kids for 6 weeks, pregnant or not. They need him and he has a responsibility towards them. Imagine if this was your third child, you wouldn't be able to send the other two away so you can rest.

He definitely shouldn't have gone behind your back but honestly he's stuck no matter what he does. In trouble with the ex if he doesn't and in trouble with you if he does.

I hope you are ok xxx

BurntTheFuckOut · 30/10/2021 16:07

You’re very, very wrong.

You can’t expect him to go potentially 2 months without seeing his existing DC. That’s unbelievable . Will you then be too tired with a newborn for them to come and see their Dad, too?

Whstdoyouthink · 30/10/2021 16:12

You’re being unreasonable

Twolostsoulsswimminginafishbow · 30/10/2021 16:36

Please please please don’t let those children hear how you feel. Your DH’s priority is those children, his home is their home, yet everything you write says that’s not true.

Monr0e · 30/10/2021 17:03

I find it shocking that any half decent father would agree not to have his own children for up to 2 months at the request of his new partner. His poor kids. This is the man you have chosen to have children with, presumably you would be just as happy for him to not arse himself with your child.

Therealjudgejudy · 30/10/2021 17:21

They are not 'people' they are his kids!

You sound so selfish

genfakshaw · 30/10/2021 17:47

Any form of diabetes in pregnancy is bad news. It's not just a case of feeling a bit rubbish. It's dangerous for both the mother and the unborn child. It is a high risk pregnancy.
It is highly unlikely that the OP will go to full term because the medical team looking her will probably recommend delivery by 38 weeks.
The OP mentioned being induced and that is a very probable outcome. One of the reasons for this is that there is a higher rate of a baby dying in utero when going to full term in diabetic pregnancy than there is in an non - diabetic pregancy. Therefore, delivering by 38 weeks is advised to avoid this outcome.
It is absolutely imperative that the OP's blood sugars are managed well. Easier said than done.

NowEvenBetter · 30/10/2021 17:49

😂😂😂 ‘how dare my husbands ex have free time?! How is that fair, when I chose to be impregnated?! Wehhhhh!’