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Original poster

Pregnant and treated like shit!

103 replies

SickOfCrap · 30/10/2021 06:11

I am 34 weeks along, have Gestational Diabetes and cannot be any more stressed than I already am.
DH's ex decided to leave the country for 2 weeks (or so she says), and left my step kids with him. Now I am 8 months pregnant and had absolutely no say on that.
He agreed with her behind my back, never asked for my opinion, when we had talked about having people here before... We agreed we wouldn't have the kids until my baby is born, because for f&s sake I need a break!
Now, he goes behind my back, agrees with this. Treats me like shit and I feel like I have nowhere else to go.
I'm so angry, I am so frustrated and tired.
I just want to rest. The house is always loud now. I might have to be induced, and I'm dreading having to have my baby when his kids are here. I might have to do everything ny myself, even the birth...
What would you do?

OP posts:
itsgettingwierd · 30/10/2021 17:52

He should have discussed it with you.

But you shouldn't be considering saying no. They are his kids. They will come first and we're there before you were. You don't get to push them out.

And what if this was your own 2nd or 3rd baby? Would you send your own biological kids away from 8 months?

Of course you wouldn't - so don't expect your DH to do the same to his.

But do ask him to take them out so you can rest, make sure they are being considerate and all that.

justustwoandmoo · 30/10/2021 18:03

@genfakshaw

Any form of diabetes in pregnancy is bad news. It's not just a case of feeling a bit rubbish. It's dangerous for both the mother and the unborn child. It is a high risk pregnancy. It is highly unlikely that the OP will go to full term because the medical team looking her will probably recommend delivery by 38 weeks. The OP mentioned being induced and that is a very probable outcome. One of the reasons for this is that there is a higher rate of a baby dying in utero when going to full term in diabetic pregnancy than there is in an non - diabetic pregancy. Therefore, delivering by 38 weeks is advised to avoid this outcome. It is absolutely imperative that the OP's blood sugars are managed well. Easier said than done.
That's not in question. I was the same but it still doesn't mean that the step kids should be kept away. I think the DH needs to step up here and take full responsibility whilst they are there x
DoesHePlayTheFiddle · 30/10/2021 18:05

If the mother has gone away somewhere, why doesn't he care for his children at her house? Then you could rest properly.

Crystalvas · 30/10/2021 18:06

OP I know how tiring the 3rd trimester can be. I sincery hope your DH dosn’t expect you to look after the children on your own while he swans off to his hobbies or whatever else hes diing. Its very inconsiderate of him to not consult you before agreeing to have the children for two whole weeks. Especially as your so tired and as you say you could go any day now. I went 5 weeks before my due date so i understand where you are comming from.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 30/10/2021 18:06

You married a man with kids, this is what happens.
Its why I will never date a man with children because like it or not they will always be around and you will have no say in the matter.

PleaseGoDontGoAgain · 30/10/2021 18:16

He shouldn't have gone behind your back but you didn't give him any choice, he knew you'd say no. What then? then he would have to ignore your no because they are his fucking kids.

Pregnant or not you are being unbelievably selfish and OTT, I would expect this to impact your relationship with DH.

Couldhavebeenme3 · 30/10/2021 18:21

@DoesHePlayTheFiddle

If the mother has gone away somewhere, why doesn't he care for his children at her house? Then you could rest properly.
Seriously? It's their mum's home! They have a home with their dad.

I can picture OP's face if he told her he was moving into the exes house for 2 weeks leaving her home alone when her baby might be born ANY TIME IN THE NEXT 8 WEEKS

PurpleOkapi · 30/10/2021 18:22

They're his kids. He should have told you in advance, but you don't get veto power over his young children staying in his house. If that bothers you, you shouldn't have married a man with young children. It was patently unreasonable for you to expect him to not have them for months on end because you "need a break." Do you think no one who already has children ever has gestational diabetes with a subsequent pregnancy? They don't just send them off somewhere for their entire pregnancy.

Look at it this way: When you and he inevitably get divorced, you can dump your child on him when you need a vacation, too.

P.S.: It won't get easier when the baby is born. Start sucking it up, because you'll need to later.

lynntheyresexpeople · 30/10/2021 18:25

Yabvvvu. They're his children, you cannot expect him not to have them until your baby is born. You could have another 8 weeks yet - you're not being treated like shit op, you're in the wrong here.

Patapouf · 30/10/2021 18:25

If you didn't want step children you shouldn't be in a relationship with a man that already has kids. Get a grip!

muldersspeedos · 30/10/2021 18:35

Unless he's expecting you to look after his dc then yabu.

Mermaidwaves · 30/10/2021 21:24

You sound like my exs new partner! It's all about her and her baby/pregnancy even though she chose to get involved with a married man with children.

His children need him, he doesnt get to dump his first family for you, you're pregnant not Ill so suck it up! His kids won't just disappear because it suits you, you knew he had kids when you got involved with him I presume?

NotaCoolMum · 30/10/2021 22:25

His kids aren’t just for when it’s convenient @SickOfCrap! It’s not like they’re random strangers! They’re his children!! 🙄

Viviennemary · 30/10/2021 22:32

Why should you be lumbered with his kids at such a time. I'd tell him to make other arrangements. Its cheeky. You need this time to relax.

HouseOfFire · 30/10/2021 22:40

How old are they?

HouseOfFire · 30/10/2021 22:41

@Viviennemary

Why should you be lumbered with his kids at such a time. I'd tell him to make other arrangements. Its cheeky. You need this time to relax.
So you think he should send his children away??
Viviennemary · 30/10/2021 22:46

That would be up to him. I wouldn't act as a childminder if I didn't want to. And certainly not for a six week stretch. Sounds to me like the ex has deliberately dumped them on OP for spite. At this difficult time.

Youknownothingsnow · 30/10/2021 22:47

This is awful. Why are you having a child with someone who already has kids if you don’t like noise? This is the easy part, I know this and I was ill whilst pregnant too.

You DH and his kids come a package, it should be an open door policy. His home is their home. How would you feel about someone saying that about your child?

NotaCoolMum · 30/10/2021 22:48

@Viviennemary- she’s not a child minder though is she?- she’s a StepMUM. I swear your way of thinking is the whole reason Step parents are so vilified.

stressysal · 30/10/2021 22:49

How do you think families with multiple kids cope? You can't just send your own kids away for the duration of your pregnancy so that you can have a rest. I get they're not your kids but they come as a package with your dh and it's unfair to expect him to stop parenting them for this reason.

RacketeerRalph · 30/10/2021 22:49

[quote NotaCoolMum]@Viviennemary- she’s not a child minder though is she?- she’s a StepMUM. I swear your way of thinking is the whole reason Step parents are so vilified.[/quote]
Don't engage. Vivienne Mary just comes on to threads to cause arguments.

Grumpsy · 30/10/2021 22:50

I feel like this is a post that belongs in AIBU - my response YABU…

Your husband has a duty and obligation to his current children and the world doesn’t change because you are pregnant

Viviennemary · 30/10/2021 22:53

I just stated how I would feel about the situation. I have agreed with OP. How is that causing an argument. Id say the ones disagreeing with OP are causing the arguments if anybody is.

OfNick · 30/10/2021 22:57

Let's hope you and DP don't split up and he finds someone else hey? If this was AIBU then you would be totally unreasonable!! When you meet someone with children you come second not them. You're pregnant not dying...

PurpleOkapi · 30/10/2021 23:25

@Viviennemary

Why should you be lumbered with his kids at such a time. I'd tell him to make other arrangements. Its cheeky. You need this time to relax.
Because she married and chose to be impregnated by a man who's "lumbered with kids." He can't selectively un-lumber himself because his new wife's pregnancy makes this an inconvenient time for him to be a father. And he'd be a shit excuse for one if he tried.

That said, I do think he should do whatever he'd have done it he was single - either watch them himself or hire someone to do it. But OP's main complaint is that the house is loud, not that she's expected to actually do anything, so it seems he's doing that anyway.

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