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Original poster

Pregnant and treated like shit!

103 replies

SickOfCrap · 30/10/2021 06:11

I am 34 weeks along, have Gestational Diabetes and cannot be any more stressed than I already am.
DH's ex decided to leave the country for 2 weeks (or so she says), and left my step kids with him. Now I am 8 months pregnant and had absolutely no say on that.
He agreed with her behind my back, never asked for my opinion, when we had talked about having people here before... We agreed we wouldn't have the kids until my baby is born, because for f&s sake I need a break!
Now, he goes behind my back, agrees with this. Treats me like shit and I feel like I have nowhere else to go.
I'm so angry, I am so frustrated and tired.
I just want to rest. The house is always loud now. I might have to be induced, and I'm dreading having to have my baby when his kids are here. I might have to do everything ny myself, even the birth...
What would you do?

OP posts:
BustyDusty · 30/10/2021 23:39

I'm horrified at the vitriol towards the OP on this thread.

Crystalvas · 30/10/2021 23:47

@BustyDusty

I'm horrified at the vitriol towards the OP on this thread.
Me to its absolutly disgraceful. People are latching onto certain parts of what OP said while completly ignoring other parts of her issues that explain why she feels how she feels. No wonder OP has stopped replying.
BustyDusty · 30/10/2021 23:51

OP come back.

Women can be vile.

BustyDusty · 30/10/2021 23:55

"chose to be impregnated by a man" ?

What?

PurpleOkapi wrote this.

Wtaf?

HouseOfFire · 30/10/2021 23:56

@Viviennemary

That would be up to him. I wouldn't act as a childminder if I didn't want to. And certainly not for a six week stretch. Sounds to me like the ex has deliberately dumped them on OP for spite. At this difficult time.
What bollocks! He is their father, not some random from down the pub. We have no idea why he has agreed to have them for the 2 weeks, probably because op is refusing to have them nearer the birth??

Where are people getting 6 weeks from? OP said 2 in the first post

Crystalvas · 30/10/2021 23:56

I wouldn’t blame OP if she dosn’t come back the comments on here have been appaling.

HouseOfFire · 30/10/2021 23:58

@BustyDusty

I'm horrified at the vitriol towards the OP on this thread.
Well maybe if op was a little more understanding to her partners dc then she might get more sympathy. We agreed we wouldn't have the kids until my baby is born, because for f*&s sake I need a break! Now, he goes behind my back, agrees with this. Treats me like shit and I feel like I have nowhere else to go.* people?? Her partners children, not people
BustyDusty · 31/10/2021 00:01

There needs to be some serious examination of a thread like this.

The OP has been ambushed. No sisterhood here of any sort.

Bloody awful.

PurpleOkapi · 31/10/2021 00:02

@BustyDusty

"chose to be impregnated by a man" ?

What?

PurpleOkapi wrote this.

Wtaf?

She doesn't claim to have been raped, she's chosen to carry the pregnancy to term, and she seems to believe her DH is the father. What am I missing here? Are you suggesting immaculate conception?
PurpleOkapi · 31/10/2021 00:03

@BustyDusty

There needs to be some serious examination of a thread like this.

The OP has been ambushed. No sisterhood here of any sort.

Bloody awful.

Most of us aren't such overt sexists that we're more willing to tolerate horrid behavior from a woman than from a man. If you are, then you could stand some 'examination' yourself.
Strangevipers · 31/10/2021 00:09

OP , you are not feeling well and stressed and in this circumstance you and your partner need to put yourself and your unborn child first.

You need to be careful with Covid and it being brought into your house past 28 weeks.

Don't worry OP I'm sure his children are rational normal human beings who would of understood and if not now would understand in the future.

Make sure once the baby is here you put your foot down and explain the space and time YOU need and the new BABY needs before it all goes back to your needs and your babies needs being irrelevant again, which it will

Your husband has a lot to answer for
Their mother knows what she is doing and if she was that great of a person why didn't she take her children on holiday with her for two weeks

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 31/10/2021 00:42

The OP has been ambushed. No sisterhood here of any sort

So sisterhood means a father should not see how children for possibly months because OP needs a break Hmm

What about the rest break of the children’s mother, should she just suck it up because apparently she doesn’t matter as “more pregnant”

PurpleOkapi · 31/10/2021 00:49

in this circumstance you and your partner need to put yourself and your unborn child first.

No. The feelings of one's spouse absolutely do not come before the basic care of one's existing children.

his children are rational normal human beings who would of understood and if not now would understand in the future.

Yes, we all know small children are eminently rational creatures. They're not going to "understand" Dad dumping them on social services or some random relatives for several weeks because their stepmum is an entitled drama queen.

Their mother knows what she is doing and if she was that great of a person why didn't she take her children on holiday with her for two weeks

That may be, but it doesn't change the fact that they're his children and if their mother is unwilling or unable to care for them for any reason, he needs to step up and do it himself. It wouldn't shock me if he married two similarly selfish women in a row - many men do - but it really doesn't change anything here.

Strangevipers · 31/10/2021 01:19

@PurpleOkapi

in this circumstance you and your partner need to put yourself and your unborn child first.

No. The feelings of one's spouse absolutely do not come before the basic care of one's existing children.

his children are rational normal human beings who would of understood and if not now would understand in the future.

Yes, we all know small children are eminently rational creatures. They're not going to "understand" Dad dumping them on social services or some random relatives for several weeks because their stepmum is an entitled drama queen.

Their mother knows what she is doing and if she was that great of a person why didn't she take her children on holiday with her for two weeks

That may be, but it doesn't change the fact that they're his children and if their mother is unwilling or unable to care for them for any reason, he needs to step up and do it himself. It wouldn't shock me if he married two similarly selfish women in a row - many men do - but it really doesn't change anything here.

You seem upset

All I will say is OP and her child could die. What OP has is very serious. So yes OP and her unborn child come first on this occasion

OP asked for opinions. I have given mine , you have just had a go at me I did not ask for your opinion

NewbieSM · 31/10/2021 01:38

Op I do understand why you feel upset that your husband went behind your back to arrange this, that's not ok and he should have discussed it with you beforehand. However have you put some thought into WHY he felt the need to do this without telling you? Seems to me he knows how you feel about having his kids over while you are pregnant and this puts him in a pretty tough situation.

I sympathise with your need to relax but does this come before the needs of his existing children? You got pregnant knowing he has responsibilities to his kids and they don't just go away because you are having another baby. Gestational diabetes is not imo a reason to ban the kids from your house until after you give birth. By all means make sure he takes over ALL additional work to do with the kids and carve out some alone time for yourself but sorry I do think YABU to unilaterally dictate whether he can have contact time with his kids. You are pregnant not dying.

BustyDusty · 31/10/2021 01:26

Wow. So many women piling in to slag off the op.

MN at its thick as shit best.

hibye123 · 31/10/2021 07:06

This is why I'd never be in a relationship with someone who already had kids because I really couldn't take being in these sort of situations.

It's totally understandable that you'd want to rest and like some peace and quiet during the rest of your pregnancy but unfortunately his previous kids do still exist. The mother isn't going to stop the kids from seeing their dad just because you're pregnant. Or in this instance, if she'd leave the kids with their dad whilst on holiday, she wouldn't look for childcare elsewhere just because you're pregnant.

As someone said before, his kids come first and you come second. As harsh as it may sound, it is really true. I hope the two weeks goes quickly so you're able to relax more towards the end of the pregnancy

Mrbob · 31/10/2021 07:08

Make sure once the baby is here you put your foot down and explain the space and time YOU need and the new BABY needs before it all goes back to your needs and your babies needs being irrelevant again, which it will

This is truly vile.

hibye123 · 31/10/2021 07:09

I get they're not your kids but they come as a package with your dh and it's unfair to expect him to stop parenting them for this reason

Yes this is it really!

NowEvenBetter · 31/10/2021 10:17

OP disgraced herself, there’s no justification for her behaviour and words. None. This isn’t an impregnated woman whining about her symptoms, read her post. She doesn’t want her husbands ex to have free time, because it’s ‘not fair’.
Read her post again and justify that to us.

HouseOfFire · 31/10/2021 12:43

@BustyDusty

Wow. So many women piling in to slag off the op.

MN at its thick as shit best.

So you think it's OK for the father not to have his children for 6 weeks pre birth, and probably 6 after??
Ginger1982 · 31/10/2021 12:45

Going by OP's other threads, her DH is no prince.

Bagelsandbrie · 31/10/2021 12:50

Reading your other threads you say your dh is constantly rude to you so regardless of this situation (in which you’re actually being unreasonable) why not just leave and be a single parent? Then you won’t have to put up with him or his kids.

Strangevipers · 31/10/2021 14:17

@Mrbob

Make sure once the baby is here you put your foot down and explain the space and time YOU need and the new BABY needs before it all goes back to your needs and your babies needs being irrelevant again, which it will

This is truly vile.

The kids mother is allowed a two week break surely they step mother is once she gives birth especially sold she has a c section due to her condition

Many moons ago and long before Covid I had my SIL children ages 3 and 9 for a month while she recover from a c section. Yes day visits by all means but the children didn't sleep there

Can't OP refuse overnight stays while she gets into a routine and recovers and bonds with her child and just have day visits or can't the father go and see the children away from the house while she settles.

Babyghirl · 31/10/2021 14:46

Alot of people on her saying it's the kids house to yes your right but it's also op house aswell, could of been her house before she met her dh or they bought it together.
So yes it should of been decussed with op and not just through on her out of the blue.
They are a team well meant to be and meant to run things past each other isn't that how a relationship works. 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️