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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

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Original poster

3 hours till he leaves for work and I need the toilet

108 replies

SorryZac · 27/10/2021 19:44

I had a lovely time today with LO. We went to some soft play place. It was a last min invite from a friend. She was there with her 4 kids and OH. My LO had a wonderful time playing with my friends children. When it was time to go they asked if we'd like to join them for a bite to eat, I declined but they insisted on us coming so we went and again LO had a lovely time throughout it I just kept looking at his face and he was just so happy.

I was so envious of my friend she has a lovely life, I know she has struggles but she has a husband who is always there for her. I was watching him with the kids, hes just proactive and a doer.

Anyway me and LO got home about an hour ago. I had a shower and went up only to find my OH was still asleep. He went to bed at 8am(works nights). This is what he does unless I tell him to get up. His priority is sleep. Any time he has off is spent sleeping or watching tiktok. He looks at me then says come and give me a kiss I said no you dont smell very nice atm.

Anyway he went to the toilet then, then comes and sits on the sofa and starts rubbing his face against me, I moved my body away. He does it again and again and I'm asking him to stop but he just keeps doing it to the point where I'm having to really push him away and shout and I can feel my eyes watering because hes not listening, my LO grabs my hand at this point and says something and I calm down and OH backs off. I said to OH why I didnt like what he was doing, he then proceeded to swear at me and call me am idiot, so I said your a 40 year old man calling me an idiot cz I didn't want to kiss you or want you to touch me because you have morning breath and crap on your face. He then kept saying shut the fuck up and kicked me in my knee. I took LO and said all because I didn't want you to touch me you kicked me for no reason, he then got the half eaten cereal bowl LO had and told me to fuck off and threatened to throw it at me. I just came straight upstairs with LO. I hate that LO was wiping my tears and saying 'dont be cry mummy'.
Hes ruined our lovely day as always.

I need the toilet but I'm going to have to go downstairs past him, which I really dont want to do.

OP posts:

grumpy21 · 27/10/2021 19:49

Call the police. Don't go down if you don't feel it's safe to do so. Can you pee in a nappy?

ConservatoryHell · 27/10/2021 19:50

I couldn’t read and not post. I am so sorry this happened to you. Do you have a friend or someone you could call? Could they collect you and your LO for the night?

I am sure someone else will be on here with better advice. But this doesn’t seem like a good relationship to stay in.

grumpy21 · 27/10/2021 19:51

Sorry that sounded blasé about the nappy, but if you need to go you need to go. But seriously, call the police.

ConservatoryHell · 27/10/2021 19:52

I agree with grumpy. Call the police.

ConservatoryHell · 27/10/2021 19:52

If you have an empty plastic box you could wee in that and tip it out the window.

BrumBirth · 27/10/2021 19:54

Call the police, you shouldn’t be scared to wee in your own house.

Milkteefs · 27/10/2021 19:54

Please confide in someone about this in real life xx

SmileyClare · 27/10/2021 19:55

If you're afraid he's going to be violent, or he has in the past, then you can call the police.

Longer term you need to make plans to leave. Contact Women's Aid who can advise you and help you leave. This is emotional abuse and will be taken seriously if you speak up.

I'm so sorry I'm guessing that seeing your friend with her partner and family has brought home to you how unhealthy your own relationship is for you and your son. Let this be a turning point for you x

Row1n · 27/10/2021 19:56

Definitely call the police, he kicked you and that is not ok, especially infront of a child. Tell them you dont feel safe, that you need the loo but cannot get to one without passing by him and you dont feel safe to do so.

Once hes gone to work or the police arrive, can you quickly get together bags for you and LO and call someone to let you both stay there for a night or two. Do not go back to this man, he is abusive and will get worse

I hope you're ok?

Chewieboora · 27/10/2021 19:58

You need to leave OP. No way for your child or you to live, he sounds abusive and disgusting. Can you go to family or perhaps to your friend? Have you confided in anyone?

CrispNeveN · 27/10/2021 20:03

@MNHQ @hebe Please can you post domestic violence websites and phone numbers xxx

Original poster

SorryZac · 27/10/2021 20:06

I heard the front door slam, hes gone to the gym. I feel really lonely alot of the times, like it's me and LO. Most days it is me and him tbh

OP posts:

itsgettingwierd · 27/10/2021 20:07

You need to contact the police. He's assaulted you.

You can tell them he's gone out and where he's gone.

Don't live in fear. Abusers start small and get bigger. Don't wait for what's coming next.

DrSbaitso · 27/10/2021 20:08

Get out of this horrible relationship with this abusive turd. It's only going to escalate and guess who he'll be going after next?

Your friend wouldn't have her lovely partner if she had been shackled to a shit one.

MNHQ

ClaraMumsnet · 27/10/2021 20:10

Thanks for flagging this thread, @CrispNeveN.

We're so sorry to hear you're going through this, OP.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged to us we like to link to our web-guides, which we hope may be helpful. If you'd like to, please do feel free to take a look at our Domestic Violence page.

www.mumsnet.com/webguide/domestic-violence

If you feel in immediate danger, we'd urge you to call 999.

Very best wishes from all at MNHQ.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 27/10/2021 20:11

Please report him to the police and get help to get him out of there.

autumnboys · 27/10/2021 20:11

Please, please leave, he sounds horrible. You & your LO deserve a better life than this.

Bananalanacake · 27/10/2021 20:11

Is this a one off or is he always like that.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 27/10/2021 20:12

How can you be helped into leaving your abuser?.

Women’s Aid can be contacted on 0808 2000 247, they also have a chat facility.

Original poster

SorryZac · 27/10/2021 20:15

I've been taking pictures and slowly trying to get all important documents back into my possession.

When he is not here there is a sense of peace and calm, when hes here I feel this weight that I'm carrying.

When I think about the future i find it overwhelming.

OP posts:

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 27/10/2021 20:19

Hi OP sorry you've had to tolerate this. Have the police not arrived yet?

Goawaymorningsickeness · 27/10/2021 20:19

He’s assaulted you. You need to ring the Police. These things are never a one off. You also have a duty to protect your child from witnessing his behaviour. I hope you’re ok and have some support.

neednotknow · 27/10/2021 20:20

please reach out and call the police, thats the only way to get freedom my love

Beautiful3 · 27/10/2021 20:22

I'm so sorry. This is absolutely abusive behaviour.

Thatsplentyjack · 27/10/2021 20:23

Who's house is it OP?

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