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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

3 hours till he leaves for work and I need the toilet

108 replies

SorryZac · 27/10/2021 19:44

I had a lovely time today with LO. We went to some soft play place. It was a last min invite from a friend. She was there with her 4 kids and OH. My LO had a wonderful time playing with my friends children. When it was time to go they asked if we'd like to join them for a bite to eat, I declined but they insisted on us coming so we went and again LO had a lovely time throughout it I just kept looking at his face and he was just so happy.

I was so envious of my friend she has a lovely life, I know she has struggles but she has a husband who is always there for her. I was watching him with the kids, hes just proactive and a doer.

Anyway me and LO got home about an hour ago. I had a shower and went up only to find my OH was still asleep. He went to bed at 8am(works nights). This is what he does unless I tell him to get up. His priority is sleep. Any time he has off is spent sleeping or watching tiktok. He looks at me then says come and give me a kiss I said no you dont smell very nice atm.

Anyway he went to the toilet then, then comes and sits on the sofa and starts rubbing his face against me, I moved my body away. He does it again and again and I'm asking him to stop but he just keeps doing it to the point where I'm having to really push him away and shout and I can feel my eyes watering because hes not listening, my LO grabs my hand at this point and says something and I calm down and OH backs off. I said to OH why I didnt like what he was doing, he then proceeded to swear at me and call me am idiot, so I said your a 40 year old man calling me an idiot cz I didn't want to kiss you or want you to touch me because you have morning breath and crap on your face. He then kept saying shut the fuck up and kicked me in my knee. I took LO and said all because I didn't want you to touch me you kicked me for no reason, he then got the half eaten cereal bowl LO had and told me to fuck off and threatened to throw it at me. I just came straight upstairs with LO. I hate that LO was wiping my tears and saying 'dont be cry mummy'.
Hes ruined our lovely day as always.

I need the toilet but I'm going to have to go downstairs past him, which I really dont want to do.

OP posts:
25yearsnhsworker · 27/10/2021 20:25

So sorry he has ruined your day. Don't let him ruin anymore, you deserve better.

MrsSkylerWhite · 27/10/2021 20:25

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Monsterpumpkins · 27/10/2021 20:27

You need the police involved op.. You need to build a case against him on paper.. Your dc need you to keep them safe. The police can help you do that.
Ring woman's aid...
Register yourself for the text 999 service..
Take care op..

grumpy21 · 27/10/2021 20:29

@MrsSkylerWhite

ConservatoryHell

If you have an empty plastic box you could wee in that and tip it out the window.“

You’re either a fuckwit or a nasty bastard.

Why?
Chakraleaf · 27/10/2021 20:29

I feel so sad. This was my life a decade ago. One day I snapped and called police but I quickly regretted it because I thought I loved him anyway a decade on and I'm free of him. No longer in pain or sad or lonely. The best thing you can ever do is call police x

MrsSkylerWhite · 27/10/2021 20:31

Today 20:29 grumpy21

MrsSkylerWhite
ConservatoryHell

If you have an empty plastic box you could wee in that and tip it out the window.“

You’re either a fuckwit or a nasty bastard.
Why?

That suggested to me that grumpy was taking the puss and didn’t take this seriously.

My apologies if I got that wrong.

DrSbaitso · 27/10/2021 20:37

@SorryZac

I've been taking pictures and slowly trying to get all important documents back into my possession.

When he is not here there is a sense of peace and calm, when hes here I feel this weight that I'm carrying.

When I think about the future i find it overwhelming.

You can have a different future. One with that peace and calm.
ThePlumVan · 27/10/2021 20:37

The longer you spend with someone that isn’t right, the longer you have you wait for someone who is.

Please take care OP Flowers

ThistlesAndUnicorns · 27/10/2021 20:37

PLEASE call the police. He has physically assaulted you and threatened to do more never mind the verbal abuse.

If you let this slide he will think he has the green light and it WILL get worse.

I know how scary it must feel to involve police but I promise you, you'll be doing the right thing for you and your child x

JustaPOV · 27/10/2021 20:40

I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. I hope you have support from real life friends and manage to free yourself from this. This is abuse and it’s not ok. Not ok for you, and not ok for your LO.

Lilymossflower · 27/10/2021 20:41

He is abusive, you and little one need to leave there or get him to leave, likely with the police or court help.

Flowers
inmyslippers · 27/10/2021 20:41

Op you don't deserve to live like this xox

WonderfulYou · 27/10/2021 20:43

What is your reason for still being with him?
I can think of nothing worse than being unhappy in my own home.

Regardless of whether he is violent or emotionally abusive or not you don’t need an excuse to leave.

Do you have anywhere you can stay for a few nights?
Life is too short. You need to go as soon as you can.

Whatinthelord · 27/10/2021 20:44

I’m so sorry op, this sounds terrible. He sounds selfish and abusive. I’m glad you are making plans to leave, get things in order.

What is positive though is that you and your son can see what life is like when he isn’t about. If you can manage to get away from him it sounds like you would have a lovely chilled life.

I echo others suggesting seeking advice via women’s aid helpline of the police. Maybe they can help you plan a route out.

Do you have parents or anyone you could stay with.

WonderfulYou · 27/10/2021 20:44

That suggested to me that grumpy was taking the puss and didn’t take this seriously.

My apologies if I got that wrong.

I think PP was just trying to be helpful as OP said she needed the toilet and didn’t want to go past ‘D’P.

Original poster
SorryZac · 27/10/2021 20:50

I want to say it all, just everything from the start, and be able to just breathe again.

I know what I need to do. For me it's not that simple. I will literally have no one and will have to start all over by myself. I will have to leave my family and friends and start a new life and never have contact with them.

Thank you everyone for comforting and supporting me

OP posts:
3scape · 27/10/2021 20:52

I do think for the OPs safety at that point staying out of this nasty piece of work was the drive of the thread.

While he's out can you get some stuff together? Even if you can't bear to run right now can you pack a secret bag?

Unfortunately his behaviours will only deteriorate and you need to prepare yourself and child to flee if you can't get him out another way.

Lasair · 27/10/2021 20:53

@SorryZac why would you have to have no contact with your family?

3scape · 27/10/2021 20:53

I'm sure some of your friends and or family will be more interested in you and your safety than this maggot. But right now he's got a hold over your rational thought.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 27/10/2021 20:55

Why would you lose all contact with your family and friends going forward?. He has likely managed to isolate you from these people but this is what abusers do to their chosen target.

You can and should rebuild your life as well as your child’s without him in it day to day.

The freedom programme could also help you as part of your overall recovery from his abuses of you and in turn your child.

WonderfulYou · 27/10/2021 20:57

Who’s name is on the tenancy?

If you are close to your family you can ask him to leave or go on the housing list.

You don’t need to move far away from your family and friends and if he bothers you you can ring the police.

HerRoyalWitchyness · 27/10/2021 20:59

Why would you lose your family? Wouldn't they want to help keep you and the little one safe?

Please pack an emergency bag, that way if you need to get out in a hurry you have essentials.

Original poster
SorryZac · 27/10/2021 21:00

There was a post on here a while back. It was a woman who was leaving her OH and I remember her documenting it and putting pictures up of her boot full with her stuff. I think she ended up going to stay with her mum. If anyone remembers this post can you link it please.

I remember reading it and feeling some what encouraged to do something about my own, that's when I started taking pictures

OP posts:
SmileyClare · 27/10/2021 21:01

I will have to leave my family and friends and start a new life and never have contact with them

Start to gather proof of his abusive behaviour; texts, e mails, photograph injuries. This can be used to get a restraining order against him if you are worried about the repercussions of leaving for you or your wider family and friends?

When he leaves for work at 10 tonight, contact Women's Aid. You may have to persevere getting through but they will help you form an action plan and lead you through the steps you need to take. You need support to leave and it will feel far less daunting once you take the first step.

Wishing you strength x

Yogawankonobi · 27/10/2021 21:02

Call your friend that you were with today. I bet she will be a good person to confide in.

Don’t keep living like this, you and your lo deserve so much more.