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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Ex asking Son to live in Caravan!!!

130 replies

Oakleaf40 · 26/10/2021 16:23

Will try to cut a long story short my Ex and I and my Son decided it was best for him move to live with his father and his new GF to go to a college that was best suited for my son. (Due to having a really bad time at his previous school he didn't want to go any of the colleges where all these kids went that made his life hell were going to attend)

The Ex did not tell his new partner that my son was going to be moving in with him , Quite understandably she was not happy to not find this out without discussion and we had a few heated exchanges between us. She had said it was something she was trying to figure out if it would work etc..anyway the Ex must have smoothed things over with her and he moved in.

Now after a not even 2 mths she's started to pick at everything he does...Claiming to now have OCD!! ( Never in the whole time hes been with her has this ever come up) Oh and now shes claustrophobic..... he's got to keep everything as she wants it.. Cant use a cup, glass without it having to be washed up and cleared away right that moment.
She ripped up his cable for his playstation 4 times!! and left it on a pile in his room and broke it.
This weekend when I went to collect him they have asked him how he would feel about him living in a Caravan!!

Im at my witts end and I do not know how to sort this situation out.. She knew what she was getting into but I also cannot believe my Ex would even suggest this!! or allow this to even happen to his son...

Am I wrong to be totally disgusted at the suggestion???
Need help and advice before i explode. !!

OP posts:

PlanDeRaccordement · 26/10/2021 16:28

Honestly the GF sounds abusive and controlling towards your son. I would not want him staying there. I’d move myself to get him to a new college or look into train/bus passes to see if he could commute or even look at online colleges.

smoko · 26/10/2021 16:32

Is it uni or school?

If he is being bullied at school & by this GF can he live with you & do his college course online?

Is there any reason you can't move with your son somewhere new for a fresh start?

Babyiskickingmyribs · 26/10/2021 16:34

Wow. That’s totally unacceptable. What a ridiculous suggestion. Your son clearly can’t stay living in this house with her. She’s treating him appallingly. A big part of this is your ex’s fault for not telling his gf this was happening. He should not have agreed to have your son be resident in these circumstances. He could fix it by ditching the gf, but that’s probably not worth suggesting, he’s unlikely to do it based on his current behavior.
You need to get your son out of this situation. I’m sorry this has happened. You and your ex made a decision to keep your son safe from bullying at school (reading between the lines) and now he’s being bullied at what should be his home.

Original poster

Oakleaf40 · 26/10/2021 16:36

@PlanDeRaccordement Shes so controlling. Shes trying to stop myself and the Ex to stop communicating!! Sending me messages to ask me to stop all non essential contact..

I really do not want him there any longer. Hes is such a lovely boy hes trying to accommodate her need's etc and the excitement of his own little place he cant see it.. Which is even more sad..

OP posts:

Viviennemary · 26/10/2021 16:36

He should move back in with you and transfer to a nearby college. Its just not working out at his Dads. Unless his Dad is prepared to kick the girlfriend out or into a caravan.

Babyiskickingmyribs · 26/10/2021 16:36

Could he board at school ? (I know it’s an unlikely option).

Original poster

Oakleaf40 · 26/10/2021 16:40

@smoko @Babyiskickingmyribs Hes doing a Carpentry Course at college and is enjoying making new friends etc which is so nice because he had such a horrible time before.

OP posts:

Babyiskickingmyribs · 26/10/2021 16:46

You could try talking to the school and see if there is any provision for finding a homestay place or student accommodation - if they ever have international students or students from too great a distance to travel in to go home everyday there might be something organized. Although with covid there may be fewer people interested in hosting students. If he had any close friends who would consider hosting him weeknights that could work too but it’s probably much too big an ask for friends he only met 2 months ago.

MagicWorkout · 26/10/2021 16:48

I think there are worse things for a (presumably) 16/17 yo than living in a caravan, assuming it's sound and warm etc. I imagine many of them would love the idea of their own space.

They're asking how he feels, how does he feel?

Hawkins001 · 26/10/2021 16:52

I guess if it's all fully furnished and up to date, with power, water ect it will give a more private area

Original poster

Oakleaf40 · 26/10/2021 16:53

@MagicWorkout

I think there are worse things for a (presumably) 16/17 yo than living in a caravan, assuming it's sound and warm etc. I imagine many of them would love the idea of their own space.

They're asking how he feels, how does he feel?

Well as you can imagine hes 16.. The winters in a caravans are awful.. He thinks it will be fun, but 'im sure after a few weeks the reality will set in. Wifi Elec etc hows that going to work.. what about food etc?? Changing the toilet,, Frozen pipes in the winter..

Im appalled

OP posts:

MagicWorkout · 26/10/2021 16:55

Lots of people live all year round in mobile homes. My Grandad had one as a "Granny flat" in my uncle's garden for years. He was very comfortable there.

smoko · 26/10/2021 16:56

OP yes some caravans are like deluxe studio apartments - but weather over there is a concern, would worry on a cold winter's night.

Can you pay for him to have an apartment & you go to stay on weekends?

girlmom21 · 26/10/2021 16:56

Surely he moves back in with you and you work out the logistics of him getting to college?

SleepingStandingUp · 26/10/2021 16:57

How far away do you live op?
What's the options if he says no or changes his mind?

I'd be concerned how well equipped this caravan is, where will it be located, will anyone be actually parenting him?

KidneyNewName · 26/10/2021 16:57

@MagicWorkout

Lots of people live all year round in mobile homes. My Grandad had one as a "Granny flat" in my uncle's garden for years. He was very comfortable there.

Presumably they were grown adults not 16 year oldS? And chose to live there rather than essentially being told that's the only option

OP I would be fuming!

Original poster

Oakleaf40 · 26/10/2021 16:58

@girlmom21

Surely he moves back in with you and you work out the logistics of him getting to college?

I live in Peterborough and his father in Sheffield .. I have him e very other weekend..

OP posts:

smoko · 26/10/2021 16:58

Would like to add that if he is studying carpentary, campervan & caravan fitouts can be very lucrative business in my country! So he could get his carpentery ticket, do an Aussie backpacking trip & help finance his adventures by doing van fitouts.

overthethamesfromyou · 26/10/2021 16:58

I guess the bigger problem is that only two of the three adults who are affected by this were consulted about it. He may have had an easier ride if your ex had discussed it with his gf first.

Options are for you to move closer to college and have your son live with you, move him to a college near you, make him commute everyday or tough it out in a caravan. Do they mean in their garden or on a separate site?

MagicWorkout · 26/10/2021 16:58

Well he was in his 80s yes, but it gave him a semi independent living space. Exactly what a 16yo needs.

Original poster

Oakleaf40 · 26/10/2021 16:59

@SleepingStandingUp

How far away do you live op? What's the options if he says no or changes his mind?

I'd be concerned how well equipped this caravan is, where will it be located, will anyone be actually parenting him?

She posted on face book looking for a cheap caravan up to £1,000 as long as it water tight and in working order !!!

OP posts:

girlmom21 · 26/10/2021 17:04

@Oakleaf40 then move him home and he'll have to move colleges

Onelifeonly · 26/10/2021 17:09

Would it be in their garden or on a camp site? The gf sounds awful, though can't blame her for being put out if she wasn't consulted.

Can he swap to a college near you but not in your town, so doesn't he mix with nasty ex school mates? Was he living with you most of the time until recently?

Notaroadrunner · 26/10/2021 17:13

Why isn't she doing that? It's not up to her to source a caravan. It's up to your Dh to sort this and stand up to his gf. If she has OCD then she should be getting help for that and not making other people's lives a misery because of it. Tell your exDh if he has no intention of putting his Ds first and allowing him stay in the house, then he'll just have to pay for digs or a house share for Ds instead, but a cheap caravan is not the solution. Incidentally does your exDh own the house jointly with his gf?

Notaroadrunner · 26/10/2021 17:16

Should say "Why is she doing that"

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