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Original poster

Ex asking Son to live in Caravan!!!

130 replies

Oakleaf40 · 26/10/2021 16:23

Will try to cut a long story short my Ex and I and my Son decided it was best for him move to live with his father and his new GF to go to a college that was best suited for my son. (Due to having a really bad time at his previous school he didn't want to go any of the colleges where all these kids went that made his life hell were going to attend)

The Ex did not tell his new partner that my son was going to be moving in with him , Quite understandably she was not happy to not find this out without discussion and we had a few heated exchanges between us. She had said it was something she was trying to figure out if it would work etc..anyway the Ex must have smoothed things over with her and he moved in.

Now after a not even 2 mths she's started to pick at everything he does...Claiming to now have OCD!! ( Never in the whole time hes been with her has this ever come up) Oh and now shes claustrophobic..... he's got to keep everything as she wants it.. Cant use a cup, glass without it having to be washed up and cleared away right that moment.
She ripped up his cable for his playstation 4 times!! and left it on a pile in his room and broke it.
This weekend when I went to collect him they have asked him how he would feel about him living in a Caravan!!

Im at my witts end and I do not know how to sort this situation out.. She knew what she was getting into but I also cannot believe my Ex would even suggest this!! or allow this to even happen to his son...

Am I wrong to be totally disgusted at the suggestion???
Need help and advice before i explode. !!

OP posts:
Flowersintheattic2021 · 26/10/2021 20:30

Right this entirely depends on what area of Sheffield. So let's say s5 region or so or s3 I would say def no!!!!! S10 or 11 maybe. However maybe if you can fund a houseshare over in student Village (crookes) he would be very happy. Or ring social services. I know sheffield very well live in barnsley

Flowersintheattic2021 · 26/10/2021 20:32

S2 not so

Sakurami · 26/10/2021 21:16

Wtf?? I would have a go at your ex!! How one earth is he allowing this? Poor boy.

Move him back with you

daisypond · 26/10/2021 21:31

Isn’t it up to his dad to do the parenting when he is at his? The dad will have parental responsibility and it is up to him to judge and make the decisions. If you don’t think the dad is looking after your DS properly, then I guess you have to go to court. But as your DS is 16, it’s really up to him. What does he think? I don’t think there’s anything intrinsically wrong with a caravan.

timeisnotaline · 26/10/2021 21:41

Comment on the Fb post- you can’t move a 16 yo into a cheap freezing caravan over winter just because you don’t want him in the house!!

Flowersintheattic2021 · 26/10/2021 23:10

If they live in shiregreen shirecliffe parsons Cross do not let him move into a caravan

Jesskir89 · 26/10/2021 23:33

@timeisnotaline

Comment on the Fb post- you can’t move a 16 yo into a cheap freezing caravan over winter just because you don’t want him in the house!!
This... horrible cow putting your ds in a cheap, cold, caravan i would defo comment
Justcallmebebes · 27/10/2021 08:34

girlmom21 Tue 26-Oct-21 17:04:38
@Oakleaf40 then move him home and he'll have to move colleges

@girlmom. Have you read the OP's posts?

Original poster
Oakleaf40 · 27/10/2021 09:37

@smilingthroughgrittedteeth

I have step children who are now young adults, the OCD and feeling claustrophobic really struck a cord with me as thats how i felt when they were here for extended periods (more than a week) i really struggled not having any space or time without them especially evenings when i just wanted some quiet time to watch tv in peace and hated how they just left stuff everywhere instead of tidying up so i sort of feel sorry for the girlfriend HOWEVER i recognised that was my issue so i found ways of coping that didnt make my DSC feel unwelcome. I got a comfortable chair for my bedroom and invested in a smart tv then i rearranged my bedroom so i could still have a space for myself in the evening where i could watch what i wanted or read in peace which left the lounge free for everyone else. I bought boxes for each of them so anything left around got put in the box so they knew where to find it but i didnt get so pissed off at the cables and hoodies and earphones left everywhere as i just had to open a cupboard door and launch it in there, DP had/has a box too as he is just as bad for leaving crap everywhere which is why they thought it was ok. We have 3 young children together now and im sure ill feel the same when they are teenagers but its easier to cope with the mess and invasion of space when its your own children, you sort of grow with it.

Thats a long way to say i get how she feels but she needs to find ways to cope and moving your son into a caravan is not acceptable.

One would think that she would do this but obviously not.. They had 6mths of free time together, no kids etc.. while I was falling apart on the other end.

No the Ex said that his son's wanted to stay for longer periods of time the tables have turned.. and she was not pleased and contacted me telling me how the Ex didnt care about how she feels and she wasn't sure if it could work... Now at this point she should have decided yes or no if she wanted my sons with her...
Now i do understand it would be hard as having to grown up boys coming to stay with you would be hard. However you have to accept that your partner has children and that she said it was ok!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Oakleaf40 · 27/10/2021 09:47

I do not want him in a Caravan .. I get it would be somewhere to hang out... They live very rural so its all enclosed at the property so he's not on a campsite but on the property they rent...

He seems excited as any young lad would,,.. But the reality will soon set in. I have said that this needs further discussion with the BOTH.. Not just his father. Ask the questions.. What if he doesn't like it etc.. whats the plan ..ETC

OP posts:
daisypond · 27/10/2021 09:50

Your anger and dislike of the GF are really showing and may be clouding your judgment. That’s fair enough, but you need to park those feelings for now. Your son has said he wants to try the caravan. That’s OK. He’s 16. It’s not up to you to decide for him - because he is living with his parent, and his parent is deemed capable of parenting him in just the same way you are. You and your ex may have different views on the matter, but that’s irrelevant. Your ex’s views are just as valid as yours, and he can make what choices he wants while his son is living with/at his. The dad and son both want to try the caravan idea.

daisypond · 27/10/2021 09:53

You might not want him in a caravan, but your ex and the son do want that. You don’t have any say over what your ex does with his semi-grown-up child.

Original poster
Oakleaf40 · 27/10/2021 10:14

@daisypond

You might not want him in a caravan, but your ex and the son do want that. You don’t have any say over what your ex does with his semi-grown-up child.
Anger. Dislike.. Would you want your child to be picked at constantly? Felling like you cannot move or do anything unless you get told off? Of course I am angry at her!!! Make a huge decision to move away from his mother and friends....everything was good. she was always really nice to him, they got along really well. (which I was so happy and relived about)

And now suddenly its all gone tits up..
Would you want to live in a Caravan in the winter??

OP posts:
daisypond · 27/10/2021 10:36

You might be angry and dislike her. You might be justified in that. But it’s completely irrelevant. No, I wouldn’t want to live in a caravan in winter. But I’m not a 16/17-year-old boy who wants to attend college near his dad. His dad is allowed to make the decision on behalf of his son. If you don’t like it, it has nothing to do with you. If you think your ex isn’t parenting properly, then you need to go to court/get social services involved. But your son is 16. What he wants will carry weight. You don’t seem to understand that you have no say. You can be as angry as you like. If you didn’t want his dad to be able to choose how to bring up his son, your son needed to stay under your roof. When your son lived with you, did you make decisions for your son without consulting his dad? Even small ones? What clothes he wore, what activities he did, what he ate for tea? It’s the same with this. Your ex is allowed to make decisions without consulting you - because he is his parent.

Porcupineintherough · 27/10/2021 11:26

@Pinkbonbon

I presumed they just meant to put the caravan on their driveway. That way he can still go inside if need be.
Yeah I'm sure he'll be very welcome in the house anytime. Hmm
forrestgreen · 27/10/2021 11:28

I don't the distances. But what about moving home to you and getting on of those mopeds to travel to college

MoreAloneTime · 27/10/2021 11:30

Its not ideal but I think you have to work out what the least worse option is here. Your ex sounds like the sort who just assumes everyone will fall in line with his plans, son moves in GF will be fine, GF not fine then caravan will be fine. It doesn't sound like he'll step up and put the needs of his child first sadly

cansu · 27/10/2021 11:34

I would be telling your ds that he is welcome home at any time. This is unacceptable. If he is doing something anti social in the house they need to speak to him about this. Living in a caravan in winter will be cold and very uncomfortable. It isn't something that I would accept tbh.

daisypond · 27/10/2021 11:40

It isn't something that I would accept tbh.

But there’s nothing for you, or the OP, to accept. What is she going to do about it? There’s no choice. The OP’s son wants to try the caravan. The OP can persuade her son to come home to hers if he wants to. He doesn’t, it seems.

Yourstupidityexhaustsme · 27/10/2021 11:41

Fuck that. He’s coming home.

I appreciate that he wanted to do the carpentry course but unfortunately his father is making it impossible for him to stay there.

They haven’t asked him to move into a caravan. He has to move into a caravan. I’m November at 17 years old at the start of what has been predicted to be one of our coldest winters. Watch his health decline when he’s living in a caravan, chest infections, lethargy, withdrawal, weight loss etc. A £1000 caravan will be outdated, uninsulated and have absolutely no sanitary facilities. They should be ashamed but especially Dad.

No fucking way. Bring him home and start looking for alternative carpentry courses. Let his college know that his father and step mother have made him remaining in their home unsafe and a risk to his mental and physical health. Is there any assistance they can offer to get him into a course closer to home?

Yourstupidityexhaustsme · 27/10/2021 11:43

In*

Yourstupidityexhaustsme · 27/10/2021 11:44

@forrestgreen

I don't the distances. But what about moving home to you and getting on of those mopeds to travel to college
I thought that but unfortunately it’s about a 2 hour journey between Sheffield and Peterborough.
Dillydollydingdong · 27/10/2021 11:48

Can't the gf live in the caravan?

SinisterBumFacedCat · 27/10/2021 12:01

@Newwifeatnumber10

It’s actually none of your business!
It’s her child you idiot
ZeroFuchsGiven · 27/10/2021 12:03

The GF sounds like an utter twat and You should bring him home.

On the subject of caravans though, there are some very odd views of what a caravan is.

My Ds has lived in a caravan in my garden for the last 4 years, They are not the tin boxes they used to be, people caravan all year round now.

They are not cold in winter as they have heating.