Ex asking Son to live in Caravan!!!

[Oakleaf40]

Will try to cut a long story short my Ex and I and my Son decided it was best for him move to live with his father and his new GF to go to a college that was best suited for my son. (Due to having a really bad time at his previous school he didn't want to go any of the colleges where all these kids went that made his life hell were going to attend)

The Ex did not tell his new partner that my son was going to be moving in with him , Quite understandably she was not happy to not find this out without discussion and we had a few heated exchanges between us. She had said it was something she was trying to figure out if it would work etc..anyway the Ex must have smoothed things over with her and he moved in.

Now after a not even 2 mths she's started to pick at everything he does...Claiming to now have OCD!! ( Never in the whole time hes been with her has this ever come up) Oh and now shes claustrophobic..... he's got to keep everything as she wants it.. Cant use a cup, glass without it having to be washed up and cleared away right that moment.
She ripped up his cable for his playstation 4 times!! and left it on a pile in his room and broke it.
This weekend when I went to collect him they have asked him how he would feel about him living in a Caravan!!

Im at my witts end and I do not know how to sort this situation out.. She knew what she was getting into but I also cannot believe my Ex would even suggest this!! or allow this to even happen to his son...

Am I wrong to be totally disgusted at the suggestion???
Need help and advice before i explode. !!

@ZeroFuchsGiven

The GF sounds like an utter twat and You should bring him home.

On the subject of caravans though, there are some very odd views of what a caravan is.

My Ds has lived in a caravan in my garden for the last 4 years, They are not the tin boxes they used to be, people caravan all year round now.

They are not cold in winter as they have heating.

I agree caravans can be a great solution. However the no more than £1000 jobbie that the step mum is appealing for on Facebook doesn’t exactly sound like comfort personified.

From the way he’s been treated already it reads as though they will buy him a caravan and that is it. No worries if he’s cold, poorly sheltered, it’s leaks etc.

£1000 caravans are can be tiny, dated, dirty and cold. Usually it’s a shell. DS’s carpentry skills could come in handy for doing it up but that’s a long term project. If they are not prepared to pay for somewhere habitable then this is abuse.

Also presumably their landlord wouldn’t be overjoyed about a tatty old caravan being dumped in their garden.

The novelty of a caravan will wear off by day 4, which is about how long it'll take him to get through an expensive bottle of gas eves/nights trying to keep warm, which you can bet they won't be happy about. I doubt they've factored in £100/wk on gas bottles. And when the gas bottle gets too low and he doesn't realise, he'll wake in the morning feeling ill from having been poisoned by the fumes leaking out overnight.

If he keeps the heating on minimum to make the gas last 2 weeks then firstly he'll be cold, even with a hot water bottle and sleeping in a coat/clothes/wooly hat. Secondly, the interior of the caravan will have to be wiped down daily for mould due to condensation, even with the windows cracked open permanently. The duvet will need to be replaced every couple of months max due to black mould growing in it where his body heat causes condensation to form on the outside of the fabric, it will feel wet every morning. This is assuming the caravan doesn't leak, which for max £1k it most probably will.

Chemical toilets aren't pleasant to deal with. The leisure battery will need regular charging so he has lights and if it's knackered a replacement will be needed if it won't hold a charge. You'll be lucky if the cooker and fridge is present and working properly in a cheap caravan. It won't be practical to use the bathroom for showering.

It's a ridiculous suggestion from his father and girlfriend.

I understand the girlfriends perspective, she doesn't want a teenager living with her, causing mess, playing noisy computer games and generally being a teenager. She didn't sign up for that when she moved in, she thought it would just be he two of them with a few overnight stays from your son per week. Your ex hasn't consulted her because he knew she'd say no. He's being just as controlling as she is, by moving the boy in without telling her it. But this just means she has a DP problem and shouldn't be trying to solve that by treating your son like shit. You ex is a complete bastard for going along with her suggestions for a caravan. Sounds like the pair of them deserve each other!

@InPraiseOfLadyGrey

The novelty of a caravan will wear off by day 4, which is about how long it'll take him to get through an expensive bottle of gas eves/nights trying to keep warm, which you can bet they won't be happy about. I doubt they've factored in £100/wk on gas bottles. And when the gas bottle gets too low and he doesn't realise, he'll wake in the morning feeling ill from having been poisoned by the fumes leaking out overnight.

If he keeps the heating on minimum to make the gas last 2 weeks then firstly he'll be cold, even with a hot water bottle and sleeping in a coat/clothes/wooly hat. Secondly, the interior of the caravan will have to be wiped down daily for mould due to condensation, even with the windows cracked open permanently. The duvet will need to be replaced every couple of months max due to black mould growing in it where his body heat causes condensation to form on the outside of the fabric, it will feel wet every morning. This is assuming the caravan doesn't leak, which for max £1k it most probably will.

Chemical toilets aren't pleasant to deal with. The leisure battery will need regular charging so he has lights and if it's knackered a replacement will be needed if it won't hold a charge. You'll be lucky if the cooker and fridge is present and working properly in a cheap caravan. It won't be practical to use the bathroom for showering.

It's a ridiculous suggestion from his father and girlfriend.

I understand the girlfriends perspective, she doesn't want a teenager living with her, causing mess, playing noisy computer games and generally being a teenager. She didn't sign up for that when she moved in, she thought it would just be he two of them with a few overnight stays from your son per week. Your ex hasn't consulted her because he knew she'd say no. He's being just as controlling as she is, by moving the boy in without telling her it. But this just means she has a DP problem and shouldn't be trying to solve that by treating your son like shit. You ex is a complete bastard for going along with her suggestions for a caravan. Sounds like the pair of them deserve each other!

Everything about this. Completely. Utterly.

Bring him home before he's coming home half way through February with pneumonia.

Caravans of such a low caliber are NOT designed for long term use, especially during winter. He doesn't like he would even confess to how bad it is because he wouldn't want to make home more uncomfortable/fess up to you it's not working.

Being alone in such a toxic environment does things to any adult's head let alone a vulnerable teenager. He may begin to feel he is an imposition anywhere he goes. Please, please convince him to come home.

@InPraiseOfLadyGrey

The novelty of a caravan will wear off by day 4, which is about how long it'll take him to get through an expensive bottle of gas eves/nights trying to keep warm, which you can bet they won't be happy about. I doubt they've factored in £100/wk on gas bottles. And when the gas bottle gets too low and he doesn't realise, he'll wake in the morning feeling ill from having been poisoned by the fumes leaking out overnight.

If he keeps the heating on minimum to make the gas last 2 weeks then firstly he'll be cold, even with a hot water bottle and sleeping in a coat/clothes/wooly hat. Secondly, the interior of the caravan will have to be wiped down daily for mould due to condensation, even with the windows cracked open permanently. The duvet will need to be replaced every couple of months max due to black mould growing in it where his body heat causes condensation to form on the outside of the fabric, it will feel wet every morning. This is assuming the caravan doesn't leak, which for max £1k it most probably will.

Chemical toilets aren't pleasant to deal with. The leisure battery will need regular charging so he has lights and if it's knackered a replacement will be needed if it won't hold a charge. You'll be lucky if the cooker and fridge is present and working properly in a cheap caravan. It won't be practical to use the bathroom for showering.

It's a ridiculous suggestion from his father and girlfriend.

I understand the girlfriends perspective, she doesn't want a teenager living with her, causing mess, playing noisy computer games and generally being a teenager. She didn't sign up for that when she moved in, she thought it would just be he two of them with a few overnight stays from your son per week. Your ex hasn't consulted her because he knew she'd say no. He's being just as controlling as she is, by moving the boy in without telling her it. But this just means she has a DP problem and shouldn't be trying to solve that by treating your son like shit. You ex is a complete bastard for going along with her suggestions for a caravan. Sounds like the pair of them deserve each other!

1. Why would he need gas? The heating will run on electric plugged into the main house.

1. No decent Van would need wiping down daily for mould and condensation.

1. Chemical toilets are not pleasant BUT I can't see why that would be an issue, surely he would be using the facilities in the home and only using the loo at night.

1. He wouldn't need a leisure battery if he was plugged into the mains.

1. Showering, Again surely he would use the house.

1. Yes at the minute Caravan prices are high and will remain so for at least another year but it is quite possible to pick up a dry van for £1000, yes it might not be the most modern but it is certainly not impossible and this time of year is the best time to buy.

Again I am of the opinion he should move back with his Mum but this bonkers attitude towards Caravans is baffling and I 100% know what I'm talking about on this issue

Rural in Sheffield??

@Flowersintheattic2021

Rural in Sheffield??

:-O Well I mean where they are its not in a town and down a quiet lane with fields arounds them

@ZeroFuchsGiven

1. Not necessarily. Plenty of old caravans the heater runs on gas.

1. They're not planning on buying a decent caravan, they're planning on buying a cheap one, which means old and/or leaky.

1. They've already made him feel unwelcome in the home. He'll instinctively use the chemical toilet more than he has to. He'll also have to empty it somewhere ie the toilet in the house. That's going to last as long as the first time he spills something on the floor, when in all probability all hell will break loose, given he's expected to wash up a cup the instant he's finished using it. In lots of areas the drains are separate for sewage and general water so emptying down a drain wouldn't be ok.

1. That's a big if. They don't sound considerate people or as though they're willing to spend any money on extra cables etc.

1. Again, he isn't being made to feel welcome. I can imagine this girlfriend making it difficult for him to use the house bathroom to shower at the times he needs to.

1. Yes you can get one that doesn't leak for £1k but do you think this girlfriend is going to be picky about testing or just accept the sellers word for it? And there's far more leaky ones than dry ones for that price. But it's kinda besides the point since an old cheap one is likely to get damp problems through condensation anyway.

My attitude about caravans comes from personal experience. Nothing bonkers or baffling about it.

My attitude about caravans comes from personal experience. Nothing bonkers or baffling about it

I'm sorry You have the personal experience of buying a shit Caravan, There is lots of helpful info online for 1st time buyers and if you are ever in doubt You can ask a Caravan engineer to do a pre sale check for you to check for damp etc.

I actually eat, sleep and breathe touring caravans, Its my business and has been for the last 15 years, I must know something about them as my customers keep coming back

Op, Like I have said (for the 3rd time) I believe Your DS should come home to You, if that is not possible then please speak to Your ex and ds about getting any caravan checked over before purchase to check for damp :)

Given the girlfriend’s attitude to used glasses etc, I presume she is not intending for him to eat with them or do his own cooking in the house. Will he be allowed in to watch TV in the long winter evenings? Or will that make her feel claustrophobic?

@EdgeOfTheSky

Given the girlfriend’s attitude to used glasses etc, I presume she is not intending for him to eat with them or do his own cooking in the house. Will he be allowed in to watch TV in the long winter evenings? Or will that make her feel claustrophobic?

I guess I am the odd duck that also believes that glasses, plates, whatever, should be washed as soon as done with. Why would you do otherwise? Do you leave dirty glasses in the living room or bedroom because it's just too much hassle to wash them? Or because you think it's someone's job to clean up after you?

The caravan could be a good compromise. We lived in ours while our house was being renovated over winter. They have heating ;). He would probably enjoy the independence, Its not a terrible idea however she sounds horrific and in fairness it sounds like she was lied to in the first place. She sounds very unhappy with your ex.

I think if the caravan idea soeamt work out. He will have to change College or you will have to move

I wouldn't like this at all. Even a really decent caravan/mobile home would get cold, damp and pretty lonely in winter. Would it be possible to look into apprenticeships near you so that he doesn't need to mix with the people he is trying to avoid too much (I think it's usually a day or two per week in college)? Or look at colleges he could get to from yours by bus but that are a bit further away? Could you move with your son? I'd just have a big chat about it with him next time he's with you for the weekend and try and get him to see that it won't be great and he has other options.

Even a really decent caravan/mobile home would get cold, damp and pretty lonely in winter

This is just not true!

The lonely maybe but that really depends on the situation!

My Ds has a caravan in my garden and this will be his 4th winter, He is certainly not cold or damp. Caravans Have heating!

Considering that most 16 yr olds spend most of their free time alone in their bedroom, I don't think loneliness will be an issue. If anything the caravan will probably be the favorite hangout for his friends.

I guess I am the odd duck that also believes that glasses, plates, whatever, should be washed as soon as done with. Why would you do otherwise? Do you leave dirty glasses in the living room or bedroom because it's just too much hassle to wash them? Or because you think it's someone's job to clean up after you?

I put them besides the sink in a neat pile until there's a sink load to wash then do them all at once.

Zero fucks. I really don't give a fuck what you know as an industry expert. You've come at this solution for your son from a place of knowledge and care. The OPs son's father and new partner don't appear to give a shit about the boy just wanting him out the house and their solution a cheap caravan as soon as possible off Facebook, that's the difference.

@InPraiseOfLadyGrey

Zero fucks. I really don't give a fuck what you know as an industry expert. You've come at this solution for your son from a place of knowledge and care. The OPs son's father and new partner don't appear to give a shit about the boy just wanting him out the house and their solution a cheap caravan as soon as possible off Facebook, that's the difference.

If You are going to quote me at least get my name right.

For the 4th time I BELIEVE OPS SON SHOULD GO BACK AND LIVE WITH HIS MUM!

I'd be phoning the ex stating out him in a caravan and I'd be getting him home and taking him to the cleaners for child support that should put a fire up his backside

@freeingNora

I'd be phoning the ex stating out him in a caravan and I'd be getting him home and taking him to the cleaners for child support that should put a fire up his backside

This makes no sense whatsoever.

@freeingNora

I'd be phoning the ex stating out him in a caravan and I'd be getting him home and taking him to the cleaners for child support that should put a fire up his backside

What?

If your ex allowing his son to be treated like that then he’s a terrible dad. If at all possible I’d get your son home.

@freeingNora

I'd be phoning the ex stating out him in a caravan and I'd be getting him home and taking him to the cleaners for child support that should put a fire up his backside

Sorry, me quoting You again but Why have You not asked Op if she is paying CM whilst her child is living with his Dad?

(No office op at all, I'm just curious why Nora has this stance)

*offence

By the way, I'm a New Zealander and I don't know any teenagers living in a caravan. I admit we have a housing shortage and expensive rents but the idea that most of our youths are in caravans is not true in my experience.

It sounds dreadful. Presumably the girlfriend means that he is not to be allowed in the house at all given that her OCD is not triggered by him sleeping.