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Original poster

Ex asking Son to live in Caravan!!!

130 replies

Oakleaf40 · 26/10/2021 16:23

Will try to cut a long story short my Ex and I and my Son decided it was best for him move to live with his father and his new GF to go to a college that was best suited for my son. (Due to having a really bad time at his previous school he didn't want to go any of the colleges where all these kids went that made his life hell were going to attend)

The Ex did not tell his new partner that my son was going to be moving in with him , Quite understandably she was not happy to not find this out without discussion and we had a few heated exchanges between us. She had said it was something she was trying to figure out if it would work etc..anyway the Ex must have smoothed things over with her and he moved in.

Now after a not even 2 mths she's started to pick at everything he does...Claiming to now have OCD!! ( Never in the whole time hes been with her has this ever come up) Oh and now shes claustrophobic..... he's got to keep everything as she wants it.. Cant use a cup, glass without it having to be washed up and cleared away right that moment.
She ripped up his cable for his playstation 4 times!! and left it on a pile in his room and broke it.
This weekend when I went to collect him they have asked him how he would feel about him living in a Caravan!!

Im at my witts end and I do not know how to sort this situation out.. She knew what she was getting into but I also cannot believe my Ex would even suggest this!! or allow this to even happen to his son...

Am I wrong to be totally disgusted at the suggestion???
Need help and advice before i explode. !!

OP posts:
Cakequeen1988 · 26/10/2021 18:15

If you are in Sheffield why doesn’t he move back to you and send him to carpentry college locally or to avoid the bully’s if they are local you have the national specialist construction college on your doorstep in Leeds, send him there

Redburnett · 26/10/2021 18:19

Your ex needs to step up and put his son first, and stop pandering to this ridiculous woman. If anyone moves out it should be her.

SleepingStandingUp · 26/10/2021 18:20

@Pinkbonbon

I wouldn't want some teenager living with me either tbf. But why are you mad at her? It's not her son? How she feels is something your ex should be handling. You shouldn't get involved.

I think the caravan is actually a great idea anyway! It means they'll both have some personal space. Good idea from dad!

I presume you moved all your kids our at 16 so you could have personal space from them?

If you don't want to live with a teen, don't date someone who's got them. It's always a risk.

SleepingStandingUp · 26/10/2021 18:23

@Avarua

The entitlement on this thread!! Loads of teens live in caravans and sleepouts! It's practically the norm in my part of the world. Caravans are fine. He has his own space. He might quite like it. I think mum should butt out. It's dad's business what he does to house his kid.
Out of interest, where is that? What's the temperature like over winter? What quality are the caravans?

If you're boasting that lots of kids sleep in sub standard dwelling with limited utilities I wouldn't. If you're not, it's a pointless addition to the conversation

MagicWorkout · 26/10/2021 18:28

We did have one situation here where the council gave a homeless 16yo a tent....

I work with troubled teens and once they're 16, they do have some very unsuitable living conditions.

I do think a good caravan in a caring parent's garden is an ideal place for that transition between child and adult, but that doesn't seem to be what's going on here.

TheFormidableMrsC · 26/10/2021 18:30

@Avarua

The entitlement on this thread!! Loads of teens live in caravans and sleepouts! It's practically the norm in my part of the world. Caravans are fine. He has his own space. He might quite like it. I think mum should butt out. It's dad's business what he does to house his kid.
Really? I mean I've been around for 52 years, I've got two kids, one an adult now yet I don't know a single child who lives in a caravan or "sleepout". Not one. Where do you live where this is normal?

The problem here is the "father" has a perfectly good home but is unable to put his own child first. It's disgusting.

SleepingStandingUp · 26/10/2021 18:34

The entitlement on this thread!! also @Avarua you're seemingly upset at the entitlement of a CHILD to a safe and secure home. Have a word with yourself

Avarua · 26/10/2021 18:35

Yes, New Zealand, and yes, usually old bangers.

Avarua · 26/10/2021 18:35

Highest house prices in the world here though.

Avarua · 26/10/2021 18:39

I think we perhaps expect more resilience from our kids down here. My DH built an entire sleepout of his own at 16 or 17. Just different expectations of capability I guess.

smilingthroughgrittedteeth · 26/10/2021 18:42

I have step children who are now young adults, the OCD and feeling claustrophobic really struck a cord with me as thats how i felt when they were here for extended periods (more than a week) i really struggled not having any space or time without them especially evenings when i just wanted some quiet time to watch tv in peace and hated how they just left stuff everywhere instead of tidying up so i sort of feel sorry for the girlfriend HOWEVER i recognised that was my issue so i found ways of coping that didnt make my DSC feel unwelcome. I got a comfortable chair for my bedroom and invested in a smart tv then i rearranged my bedroom so i could still have a space for myself in the evening where i could watch what i wanted or read in peace which left the lounge free for everyone else. I bought boxes for each of them so anything left around got put in the box so they knew where to find it but i didnt get so pissed off at the cables and hoodies and earphones left everywhere as i just had to open a cupboard door and launch it in there, DP had/has a box too as he is just as bad for leaving crap everywhere which is why they thought it was ok. We have 3 young children together now and im sure ill feel the same when they are teenagers but its easier to cope with the mess and invasion of space when its your own children, you sort of grow with it.

Thats a long way to say i get how she feels but she needs to find ways to cope and moving your son into a caravan is not acceptable.

DinkyDaisy · 26/10/2021 18:42

Been on Google.
Looking at the caravans at the 700- 1000 mark - look ok for summer.
But, and it is a big but- is he feeling unwanted? He is 16 and needs care, warmth and love from his Dad at least.
On the subject of warmth, how easy is it to keep warm in an on the drive caravan?
I can understand as his Mum you are in a horrendous position. If he is enjoying college he is not going to want to move.
You need to satisfy yourself he is mentally and physically well.

MarshmallowSwede · 26/10/2021 18:44

Take your son back home with you. The fact that this is even being asked is ridiculous. And your ex is a trash father for allowing his partner to treat his child this way.

girlmom21 · 26/10/2021 18:44

@Avarua

I think we perhaps expect more resilience from our kids down here. My DH built an entire sleepout of his own at 16 or 17. Just different expectations of capability I guess.
I don't think that's the case. Your DH built that because he wanted to. Not because he was being kicked out of his home.
MagicWorkout · 26/10/2021 18:44

The college may be able to help him find digs. Not ideal when he has a nearby parent who should be stepping up but it could a be a solution.

SleepingStandingUp · 26/10/2021 18:45

@Avarua

Yes, New Zealand, and yes, usually old bangers.
... and the coldest June, July and August...and in winter between 10 - 15ºC. So that's NZ. In England the maximum average temp from Nov to March is below 10°C. I mean it might be possible the difference is in part temperature rather than NZers being better parents raising better kids.
CheeseCakeSunflowers · 26/10/2021 18:49

It looks like the train between Sheffield and Peterborough takes about 90 mins. Could he travel to you every Friday evening after college and travel back to Sheffield early Monday morning. That way he would be with you 4 nights a week and there for 3, not ideal I know but it seems a shame to move him from a college he likes.

RonaKnob · 26/10/2021 18:51

Could you find a host family he could stay with? It's like being a lodger but with a responsible adult to turn to, a great transition option. I'd have him here if I knew you, wasn't probably slightly too far out from Sheffield, and wouldn't sound like some crazy internet person by offering.

I was the unwanted step-teen. It's not a nice feeling and moving out at 16 was the best thing for me. But it was hard.

A caravan is really not suitable coming into winter.

EdgeOfTheSky · 26/10/2021 18:59

Haha at the climactic similarities between Sheffield, a Peak District / Pennines Northern town and NZ….

Original poster
Oakleaf40 · 26/10/2021 19:01

My son loved with me full time untill they sorted out there little love nest, . He didnt see them for 6 mths as he was always making excuses why he couldn't see them.. she was happy with him visiting weekends etc was so lovely to him. And what I mean is she knew what a 16 year old was like is like as she has her own kids all grown up.!!
And dame right I had a a say as to how my
son is treated... or cared for !! He had terrible time when we separated and same in school and now hes got someone who's showing him she doesn't want him at there place (rented by the way) and the caravan would be a few yards from the house and not in view if it makes sence. .
My ex is a coward because hes told so many lies he can't remember how to tell the truth..
My son wants to try it and YES I've asked him to move back to me..

OP posts:
Mumoftwoinprimary · 26/10/2021 19:07

@Avarua

Yes, New Zealand, and yes, usually old bangers.
New Zealand and the U.K. have very different winters. I’ve just done a quick google.

New Zealand’s coldest month is July where the average minimum temp is 8 degrees and average maximum temp is 14 degrees.

In the U.K. our coldest month is January and in Peterborough the average minimum is 2 degrees and the average max is 7 degrees.

Cold is a serious problem in the U.K. and every year a tragically large number of elderly people die - in houses - as a result of it due to not wanting to put their heating on. We have winter fuel payments to try and get around it but people still die.

Babyiskickingmyribs · 26/10/2021 19:12

Avarua I think there’s a big difference with a older teenager being offered a caravan or sleepout as an alternative to sharing a room with siblings or step siblings but still using communal spaces and kitchen and bathroom as normal and a child being booted out of the house and put in a caravan because dad’s gf doesn’t want him or his stuff in the communal spaces. The risk here is that he’s going to be expected to have to negotiate time in the bathroom for showers and might not feel welcome watching tv or hanging out in the lounge in the evenings.

Crazydoglady1980 · 26/10/2021 19:46

I would let him give it a try on the understanding if it doesn’t work for him, he can return home to you.
There are a few colleges around Peterborough so hopefully if he did return he could access one of those. I know that there is regular transport to Stamford and Grantham colleges too.

choli · 26/10/2021 20:15

A friend of mine did this for the last two years of high school, the equivalent of A levels in the UK. This was in Ireland. It was his choice and he loved it. I would let your son try it.

LidlMiddleLover · 26/10/2021 20:27

He might like the independence and caravans can be cosy in winter but safety is an issue if its an old one

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