The Spookster

[spook]

Hi girls.Can't post on that one so it'll have to be this one!!! Phew-close one.

Spook - my exh did exactly the same. In time I rationalised it (with the help of some professional counselling) as being very similar to a teenager.

They start of loving you and never wanting to be without you - then they start to want to leave

The only way they can make the break is to try to destroy the love that they hold for you, hte easiest way is for them to make you stop loving them. They can then let themselves off the hook -they didn't make the choice to leave - they were forced to because mum/the wife didn't really love them any more.

Don't know if this makes any sense to you - but I do believe that the foulness is all part of the falling out of love bit which they need to go through so that they can absolve themselves of all guilt!

Hugs to you - what a load of shit you;ve had to deal with

The idea is to be neither upset nor triumphant, but to live in peace. He is depriving you of that option. You have done nothing wrong. You cannot control his actions. He is responsible for what he does. Your anger is justified, and you are right to show it. God knows how much more he would wipe his feet on you if you didn't stand up to him.

One of the things I realised after I split with my ex was that I believed certain things about him, such as that he would never behave unfairly with finances, that he was a good man, that he had certain principles. Why did I believe these things? Eventually the only reason I could find was that he had told me they were true. If you accept that the man is a liar it wipes those things out.

I agree with Freckle about making out you are staying in the local area for the time being. If it makes your life easier why not? You have to fight fire with fire if you are to protect yourself from his manipulations.

Fantastic. Now he wants 2 more agents to come in and value and make us a fucking offer. Get this...

Your solicitor has said the same thing. What's the point of having the money in a solicitors account
when the house would be making us more money? How will you rent if they've got all the money?

Fact is the settlement split needs to be agreed before any of this can happen.
I am not being hard to deal with. The whole thing has a set of rules that need to be followed.
In the meantime, live in a beautiful house next to school and all amenities. Can't be as bad as
renting for god's sake.

I am not selling at their cost. I'll get Groves and Sarah Mains to compete first.

I am upset and fed up too. I wish it was easier but the reality is your lot need to know
everything about me and it needs professionals to verify it.

AAAAHHHHH, I think I am definately mentally unstable and getting mentally unstabler by the minute.

And then he sent me this!!!!!!!

Yasser Arafat's last request- to be dressed in a Newcastle Shirt, Tottenham shorts and a Rangers scarf..............
he wanted to be buried in the Gazza strip!

(probably coz trampgirl wouldn't get it. Think Gazza was before her time)

I don't think he has a snowball's chance in hell of having residency granted to him. The problem is that, at the last moment, he can put in an application for residency. The process then has to run its course and that can take a very long time, depending on how manipulative he (and his solicitors) want to be. The end result is that you will get a residency order in your favour, but he will have delayed the financial settlement by 1 year to 18 months. I've seen it happen.

And Wigandrobe, the problem here is that the house isn't in Spook's sole name; it's in joint names.

And what if the property market slumps - as it is predicted to do? What does he think happens to money in solicitors' accounts? They are under an obligation to place it in a high interest-earning account and to pay you any interest earned when the money is finally paid over.

How about saving the money you are paying on a mortgage? Rent on a reasonably sized property probably won't come to as much as your mortgage repayments. So what with that money saved and the interest earned on money in the solicitor's account, you might even make money - particularly if property prices fall.

There's no harm in having other agents value the property. Ask what their sole and multi agency rates are. If they are similar to the agent you are already dealing with, then stick with that one. Have you signed anything yet? With the agents?

'set of rules that need to followed' -
yeah, like writing 'Fuck off' over all the forms!

What planet is he on? Patronising git.

Thanks for that invaluable advice Freckle! have just copied most of it in a mail to him. You say it so much more succintly than me

I know Anorak.Quite incredible really isn't it!

bearing in mind I know nothing... could you not agree to put the money from the sale into a high interest account that is controlled by your solicitors?

agree you need to act before the market drops any further

and he's being petulant if you ask me. You're not the one being difficult here imho.

Hi alicatsg. That is exactly what would happen.That is the procedure and it's quite common. He on the other hand obviosly has a trained background in divorce law and knows better.

Oh I see - its one of those "damn women applying logic situations again" is it? shame

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Oh hi WigandRobe.I'm so glad you're there. i tried to CAT you but wouldn't work. I don't think he's getting me to sign over the property he is just stalling and stalling for time. He justw ants me stuck herre so his children are round the corner and he doesn't have to see us drive off into nthe sunset. As my solicitor agreed this afternoon I am completely stuck. A court order of sale could take forever as will a court order for the finances side of thing. Unless we are both in agreement the estate agent said she can't sell the house. She could probably market it and put up the sign etc but it's pointless coz any offers could not be accepted.
I can't believe I can be stuck in this position. He has got me EXACTLY where he wants me.

spook, can't your solicitor push for divorce, financial settlement and residency (?) of children ASAP? You don't have to sit around waiting for him to decide what happens when, surely?

The only problem with freezing his bank account W&R is that I will have no money. I don't have a credit card left that works and am massively overdrawn. There is no money left in our pot to give me.(though I notice he's still driving a sports car and living on the quayside and entertaining a tramp!)

Hi JanH.Yes my solicitor can push for all those things but a court order for the financial side of things takes on average 9 months and costs about 5 grand.The divorce will be done and dusted pretty darn soon. Meanwhile I'm stuck in a house I don't want to be in in a city I don't want to be in.

Not ignoring anyone. Going for a tab!!

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Oh God. I am SO looking forward to seeing him tomorrow when he picks the boys up. Goodo. Another day in the shit life of Spook the doormat
Thanks everyone. I cannot tell you how much I've needed you all the last few days and as always-there you all were XXXXXXXXX

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W&R. If you get a minute will you just give me a rundown of my options here honey. Either here or cat me. I feel now that he has got me exactly where he wants me and I just don't understand what I can do. I need to throw something at him which makes it look like I know what I'm talking about. I know it's Friday night so obviously just when you get a minute over the next few days?? I would be ETERNALLY grateful XXXXX

Crikey-get me with my bold "eternally" Cool!

Hi Spook, sorry, no advice to give, though hopefully W&R and Freckle will be able to give you good advice over the weekend. Just wanted to let you know that even if I'm not posting, I'm thinking about you and keeping up-to-date with your many threads! Hope you're OK. HUG.