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Original poster

Why do you think he responded like this?

111 replies

EndlessRose · 24/10/2021 14:43

I know what I think this is but I'm curious to see how others would interpret it.

It's not exciting - sorry about that!

My boyfriend goes out with his friends one evening a week for a drink. His biggest complaint since lockdown lifted has been that everywhere is so quiet. He says he likes striking up conversations with random strangers.

Except that, when we went out on Friday, a random stranger struck up a conversation with us. Well me, because my boyfriend just ignored him. And was coldly silent to the extent that in the end this man said, "Well, I think I'm going to go now," and awkwardly left.

Seemed a bit odd for someone who claims that random chats with strangers can really make the evening.

I know what I think was going on but what's your first thought?

OP posts:
TurnUpTurnip · 24/10/2021 14:44

He means women

Original poster
EndlessRose · 24/10/2021 14:46

Thank you.

That's what I thought too.

Just wanted to make sure I wasn't being too quick to jump to that conclusion.

OP posts:
Pissoi · 24/10/2021 14:46

Yes he likes chatting to (up) other women, but doesn't want to see you chat to other men.

Original poster
EndlessRose · 24/10/2021 14:47

It's obviously one of many little things.

But I really want to call him out on it.

OP posts:
GoodnightGrandma · 24/10/2021 14:52

Yep, he likes the thrill of chatting them up.
It’s lots of little things that add up to resentment sometimes.

Feelingparanoid · 24/10/2021 14:53

He wants to have all the attention on him. When you're getting it, he doesn't like it?

TurnUpTurnip · 24/10/2021 14:54

My ex was like this use to call chatting up other women “networking”

Original poster
EndlessRose · 24/10/2021 15:06

@Feelingparanoid

He wants to have all the attention on him. When you're getting it, he doesn't like it?
I think that is probably quite true too. Although the man was originally speaking to both of us. And far too young for me to be interested.

I think that because I'm older (40s, he's 50s) that he assumes it doesn't happen to me.

OP posts:
Feelingparanoid · 24/10/2021 15:10

You say he probably assumes that it doesn't happen to you because you're older. He probably doesn't think like that. My ex went in a mood after a lady in her 70s started chatting to me in a restaurant. I believe it was because she chose to speak to me rather than to him that annoyed him.

Original poster
EndlessRose · 24/10/2021 15:17

Maybe not but I told him a while ago that women find it rather tedious going out and being chatted up/to men when they are out with their friends. He argued that I was wrong and it was flattering for women to know that men found them attractive.

He implied that if I knew what it was like/was woman who was approached by men, then I'd like it too.

I didn't tell him it happens every time I go out. Because men.

OP posts:
Feelingparanoid · 24/10/2021 15:22

He sounds tedious, OP.

Honestly, if he thinks that women find it flattering that random men find them attractive...

Next, he'll be telling you that women 'just open up to him' see him 'like an agony aunt' are 'lonely and like talking to him'....

Tedious and dull.

Pemmican · 24/10/2021 15:23

You can do better, OP.

You sound great. Him, not so much.

category12 · 24/10/2021 15:23

Yeah, he means women.

Sakurami · 24/10/2021 15:37

Wait, he thinks you're not attractive enough to be chatted up? And yes it happens at all ages.

Original poster
EndlessRose · 24/10/2021 15:43

I do want to call him out on it though. I think he needs to know. I haven't spoken to him yet since and no doubt he'll make a reference to the night out when he calls tonight.

I'm thinking of playing dumb and saying I was really surprised because he's always telling me that he likes talking to random people and yet, when one spoke to us, he made it obvious he didn't want to talk to him and was rude to the point the man walked off.

And see what he says. I'd really like to hear what he has to say tbh.

I'm gearing up towards ending it anyway. We've got a lot on together over the next couple of weekends and I don't want to do anything before then for a number of reasons.

I think I've realised I just find him to be selfish, lazy, dull, self centred, uninterested in me and a bit sleazy to boot.

Shame because I love his friends and have become quite close to one of them 😕

OP posts:
Original poster
EndlessRose · 24/10/2021 15:50

@Sakurami

Wait, he thinks you're not attractive enough to be chatted up? And yes it happens at all ages.
Yeah that's pretty much what he said.

I've spent several months thinking he was embarrassed by me because he thinks he could do better.

But I had a bit of an epiphany last week. I actually think he feels inadequate and is trying to knock my confidence. He often implies that I'm a bit 'silly' or that my jokes aren't funny or that what I say doesn't make sense.

Except, he's the only person who thinks any of these things about me... 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
Chocaholic9 · 24/10/2021 15:53

I'm annoyed on your behalf that he clearly thinks you're not attractive enough to be chatted up and has the cheek to imply this. He sounds like a twat.

category12 · 24/10/2021 15:53

He's negging you.

ChargingBuck · 24/10/2021 16:10

Maybe not but I told him a while ago that women find it rather tedious going out and being chatted up/to men when they are out with their friends. He argued that I was wrong and it was flattering for women to know that men found them attractive.

Oh FFS leave the tedious mansplainer already.
He's a patronising arsehole who thinks he knows better then women what women are about.
And clearly views them as mere receptacles for male attention.

frozendaisy · 24/10/2021 16:21

He means he can talk to whom he likes.
You cannot.

Although just for balance he might not talk to random strangers whilst you are there.
Perhaps he doesn't like the thought you might talk to random strangers when he isn't there.

Just tell him what's good for the goose is good for the gander. See how he reacts to that.

Mabelface · 24/10/2021 16:36

Essentially, you're with an inadequate, miserable fucker who'll eventually suck all the joy from your life whilst he goes off to chat up other women.

1MillionDollars · 24/10/2021 16:44

I think I've realised I just find him to be selfish, lazy, dull, self centred, uninterested in me and a bit sleazy to boot.

I think you're done. Who cares about calling him out if this is how you feel. Screw what you've got going on in the next few weeks. To me it seems you are going to use him for the next few weeks to socialise then dump.

Animood · 24/10/2021 16:46

It's time to take the rubbish out.

Original poster
EndlessRose · 24/10/2021 17:13

@1MillionDollars

I think I've realised I just find him to be selfish, lazy, dull, self centred, uninterested in me and a bit sleazy to boot.

I think you're done. Who cares about calling him out if this is how you feel. Screw what you've got going on in the next few weeks. To me it seems you are going to use him for the next few weeks to socialise then dump.

Not use him, no, but we have things planned with his friends and mine. I was thinking more about neither of us missing out or having to answer awkward questions and messing up numbers etc.

I'm quite happy to do these things on my own.

OP posts:
Original poster
EndlessRose · 24/10/2021 17:18

@category12

He's negging you.
Yeah that's what I've started to realise.
OP posts: