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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

When to have The Talk

828 replies

ToastOnCheese · 19/10/2021 19:22

Hi,

I've been dating someone now for three months, it's all going brilliantly in my opinion. We have a lot of fun together.

We've both said we are open to seeing where things go, however we haven't discussed anything beyond that.

I have deleted the dating apps and I am not interested in dating or seeing anyone else, I dont know his opinion on this.

Is three months too early to ask this? Too late? If he was really interested would he have already asked me?

Thank you

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Juletide · 04/02/2022 19:31

Oooooohhhh. Smile

beastlyslumber · 04/02/2022 19:39

Ooh sounds very promising OP! How easy was it to get to exclusivity with someone you really like Grin

Keep us posted, obvs.

Original poster
ToastOnCheese · 04/02/2022 19:44

@SecretKeeper1
Yes, that's right, thanks! Guy 3 is no more and I'm not going to see Guy 2 again after cancelling his date this evening.

@beastlyslumber
So blooming easy, I cant believe it. We are going out for food tonight, we cancelled our dates and had no plans so thought it would be rude not to!

Is this how it's supposed to be?!

OP posts:
SecretKeeper1 · 04/02/2022 19:49

Is this how it's supposed to be?!

Yes!! You have to kiss a few frogs before you find a prince, as my gran used to say!

beastlyslumber · 04/02/2022 19:54

It should definitely feel easy and not stressful, yes! The mutual excitement and enjoyment is a lovely thing. Enjoy!

HairlookslikeanEasterEgg · 06/02/2022 20:00

I've been following your post and so pleased for you. How was your weekend with Guy No 4? Got everything crossed for you 😄

DancinOnTheCeiling · 06/02/2022 22:07

Oh this is all very exciting @ToastOnCheese. Guy 4 sounds great. Really into you, honest, no game playing, familiar to you, chats till 2am... I love that you both wanted to be exclusive at the same time, and that he brought it up. So so chuffed for you. Please update us - I bet you’re too busy because spending the whole weekend together which would be a fab reason for not updating xx

Original poster
ToastOnCheese · 07/02/2022 00:49

Thanks all for your lovely comments!

I've just got home, been with guy number 4, we went to the cinema and for food. We went out also on Friday for food and drinks. He is amazing. We have a double date planned with my friends in 2 weeks time and he has invited me to a family party this weekend. We will spend our first night together after the party Grin

I have not felt anxious for even one nanosecond. What is happening now makes all of the previous shit worth it. Even if things don't progress with him (i really can't see that happening) then I will always be grateful at discovering that this is how it should be!

OP posts:
DancinOnTheCeiling · 09/02/2022 21:52

All of this sounds amazing @ToastOnCheese. How are things going? Xx

Original poster
ToastOnCheese · 09/02/2022 22:38

@DancinOnTheCeiling
I couldn't ask for anything more/better, things are going amazingly! Thank you for asking. I've dated a looot over the last 3 years and never experienced anything like this. I used to read threads on here and people would say, "if someone was into you you'd know" "if it's right you wouldn't be posting here" etc and I didn't ever think that could be me, I thought I was too damaged from previous people and it was all my fault that I couldn't relax. I now know that they were just all wrong for me.

Hes meeting my dog tomorrow so a lot rides on this! But I'm sure my dog will love him.

Its still early days but I am enjoying every single second and not once have I felt anything other than happy, secure and safe!

OP posts:
Juletide · 10/02/2022 07:23

Smile Smile Smile

DancinOnTheCeiling · 10/02/2022 08:01

Oh this sounds amazing @ToastOnCheese. Enjoy every second of it. I hope your dog will love him!! Totally agree, if things go well with someone there’s no need to over analyse/ask others for their opinion etc as everything is just easy. So so chuffed for you. Please keep us posted xx

bebarkered · 10/02/2022 08:10

It sounds absolutely blissful! I'm thrilled for you. Your doggie is going to love him!

Didimum · 10/02/2022 08:27

I wish you the absolute best with guy 4. I’m glad you’re having a fun time. You met him a week and a half ago? All I would caution is just to not overly invest yourself emotionally at this premature stage.

beastlyslumber · 10/02/2022 10:37

It sounds lovely! I agree with Didimum though - it's very early days and especially as you've had some emotional vulnerability, it's a good idea to not to invest too much. Honestly, I think the best idea is not to sleep with him for a few months - but I guess it might be too late to say that!

Hope your dog loves him, too :)

Original poster
ToastOnCheese · 10/02/2022 11:46

Thanks all.

I know it probably looks like I'm rushing because I'm here chatting about him, but really it doesnt feel intense. I havent slept with him (or done anything other than kiss) yet and I havent actually seen him since Sunday due to our work shifts. We haven't confessed undying love etc, we are just enjoying each others company. If it ended tomorrow I'd be absolutely fine, I just really hope it doesn't. We started talking 4 weeks ago, im under no illusion that I know him!

My feet are firmly on the ground. Grin

OP posts:
bebarkered · 15/02/2022 18:04

Did you two do anything for Valentines Day?

Original poster
ToastOnCheese · 15/02/2022 18:16

@bebarkered
He got me some flowers and chocolates delivered in the morning and then just came to mine after work. We watched a romantic film and had a baked camembert, crusty bread and some nice treats! We'd been out on the Friday and Saturday so I just wanted to chill.

I still think he is absolutely lovely!

OP posts:
DancinOnTheCeiling · 15/02/2022 18:27

As that’s lovely @ToastOnCheese. Thanks for the update. So chuffed for you!! Please keep us posted 😘

DancinOnTheCeiling · 15/02/2022 18:28

Ps I’m also curious whether any of the other guys have been in touch again? It would be so typical if they did - because of the no longer interested vibe 🤣🤣

bebarkered · 15/02/2022 18:56

It really does sound heavenly. And, you deserve it ❤️

Original poster
ToastOnCheese · 15/02/2022 18:59

@DancinOnTheCeiling
Thank you! Yes! Guy 2 (I think) messaged me a good few times, telling me he misses me, that he really likes me and thinks it could go somewhere. I think he sent me around 10 messages in all. I did respond after a few to say I was no longer interested but then he sent more.
Guy 3 got in touch twice, one just general chit chat and one a link to a video.

The original guy I started this thread over never got in touch again!

OP posts:
Original poster
ToastOnCheese · 15/02/2022 19:00

@bebarkered
Aww thank you!! I am so happy.

OP posts:
beastlyslumber · 15/02/2022 20:30

I love this thread! I feel like we've all been through something together Grin

Am very happy you're happy OP. Keep us posted.

bebarkered · 15/02/2022 20:45

Lovely! You're like me, you're a relationship person ♥️