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Relationships

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Original poster

Lingerie…just can’t be arsed with it

107 replies

Justcannotbearsed · 16/10/2021 22:05

I can barely summon up the enthusiasm for sex. It’s usually ok in the end. Menopausal, stress job, stressy husband, lots of stuff going on.

He really likes me to wear lingerie. I haven’t for ages. I used to quite like it but, just can’t be arsed.

Should I just suck it up as just a harmless little thing that keeps him happy and make the effort once in a while?

OP posts:

user1481840227 · 16/10/2021 22:15

In a good relationship that I wanted to last where I wanted to make him happy I would definitely treat him to what he liked every now and again unless of course it was something I hated.

In a shit relationship where I wasn't really arsed with my husband I wouldn't, but then I wouldn't expect the relationship to last either if we got to that point!

Justmuddlingalong · 16/10/2021 22:17

It's not a harmless little thing to you. You can't be arsed, which is all the reason you need to ditch the lingerie.

user1481840227 · 16/10/2021 22:21

@Justmuddlingalong

It's not a harmless little thing to you. You can't be arsed, which is all the reason you need to ditch the lingerie.

But people often do things that they can't be arsed doing but they know their partner likes, like say a massage or making them a cuppa every morning or buying them a birthday present or so on.

If everyone just dropped things because they couldn't be arsed then wouldn't most relationships die a death?

MMmomDD · 16/10/2021 22:25

You sound down and exhausted. I am sure it’s life in general. But it’s not helped by the menopause.
For me, personally, the estrogen gel made a world of difference. Mood, levels of tiredness, libido - all perked up.

Lingerie or not is not really an issue. I think if you felt less drained and were actually up for it - your sex life would be more enjoyable for both of you.

Justmuddlingalong · 16/10/2021 22:26

I don't think your examples of making an effort are in the same league as the OP's. She says she has a lot on, so I think not dressing up in lingerie is not a big enough issue to kill a relationship.

Brollywasntneededafterall · 16/10/2021 22:28

Buy some big pants. See a few sparkly bits on...

SpindelWhorl · 16/10/2021 22:32

"Treat him"??

Ffs. Maybe he could stick a finger of fudge up his arse.

user1481840227 · 16/10/2021 22:35

@Justmuddlingalong
No but you said that 'can't be arsed' is all the reason anyone needs!

user1481840227 · 16/10/2021 22:36

@SpindelWhorl
These threads get so bloody boring when people pick on the language used.

Dizzy1234 · 16/10/2021 22:38

I'm with you, I wear big knickers that I can tuck me tits into 😂

girlmom21 · 16/10/2021 22:38

Do you think not doing it is negatively impacting your relationship?

Original poster

Justcannotbearsed · 16/10/2021 22:57

@girlmom21 yes it is. And yes you do have to do things in a relationship that you can’t be arsed about.

I think I do need to sort out better hrt, gel might be the way to go.

Big sparkly pants would help.

The more I do it the better it might get I suppose.

OP posts:

FreeButtonBee · 16/10/2021 23:04

Meh. I am over sexy underwear. Maybe buy a nice nightie or something but fucks sake I don’t have the time energy or space in the laundry schedule for washing silk. He can have me naked or not at all. My husband seems to survive

Notthemessiah · 16/10/2021 23:10

Sounds fine, as long as you wouldn’t complain if he stopped doing something you liked because he couldn’t be arsed.

Maskless · 16/10/2021 23:19

@Notthemessiah

Sounds fine, as long as you wouldn’t complain if he stopped doing something you liked because he couldn’t be arsed.

This.

AliceinBorderland · 16/10/2021 23:22

@Justmuddlingalong

It's not a harmless little thing to you. You can't be arsed, which is all the reason you need to ditch the lingerie.

Well exactly.

An ex boyfriend once commented on my "crappy" bras. I told him I hated his boxer shorts as they were ugly and unflattering.

He said they were comfortable...and so are my crappy bras ...

You get the picture. I wear it for myself no one else and if you don't want to you don't want to.

HeddaGarbled · 16/10/2021 23:27

Does anyone at the age to be menopausal still pander to this sexist nonsense?

Thisthatandtheotherthing · 17/10/2021 00:07

There are plenty of things I ask my partner to do that he probably can't be arsed with that involve alot more effort than putting some lingerie on, so personally I think it's worth it for the amount of happiness he gets from it.

user1481840227 · 17/10/2021 00:18

@HeddaGarbled

Does anyone at the age to be menopausal still pander to this sexist nonsense?

what sexist nonsense? lingerie?

AliceinBorderland · 17/10/2021 00:40

I think the sexist nonsense is wearing uncomfortable underwear purely to please someone else.

CatonMat · 17/10/2021 00:47

My idea of dressing up is to put my newest slippers on.
I so think it's ok to sometimes do stuff you don't fancy, just for a partners benefit, but I wouldn't be cause I just can't be arsed.

user1481840227 · 17/10/2021 00:48

@aliceinborderland, well most lingerie doesn't stay on for very long so it's not a very strong argument.

Sometimes women like men to wear uncomfortable stuff or put effort into sex too believe it or not, so it's not sexist!

CatonMat · 17/10/2021 00:49

I make no demands of my man, because I can't be arsed with that, either.

AliceinBorderland · 17/10/2021 00:50

[quote user1481840227]@aliceinborderland, well most lingerie doesn't stay on for very long so it's not a very strong argument.

Sometimes women like men to wear uncomfortable stuff or put effort into sex too believe it or not, so it's not sexist![/quote]
Oh sure I actually have no issue with lingerie whether I wear it just for me or a partner likes it

But the OP doesn't want to and shouldn't have to justify that to anyone. She doesn't need a strong argument for it Jesus Christ why should she need one?!

Flowersinthefireplace · 17/10/2021 00:51

the more I do it the better it might get I suppose

Pretty depressing statement…..leave him

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