Where to find friends aged 50-60?

[OverTheHill50]

OK, they don't have to be exactly 50-60, but I mean my age group (55) and stage of life.

My youngest has gone to uni and DH and I are rattling around. Although we've lived in the same town over 20 years I suddenly feel really lonely and lacking in friends! I've realised how much of our social life revolved around the DC's school and events/ concerts/ other parents etc.
Covid has kiboshed a lot of those friendships/ relationships with hardly anyone socialising over the last 18 months.

I have good friends dotted around up to an hour away, but seeing them always requires advance organisation and planning.

I already do a few hobby things - a music group, book group and an ad hoc walking group, but it seems that most of the people in these are older than me (65+) and although lovely, haven't developed into strong friendships/connections.

Where are all the other 55 year olds? What are they doing?
Are they working and caring for elderly parents with no time for socialising?
I'm not working and sadly lost my remaining parent years ago, so I wonder if perhaps I have more time than others of my age? I don't have any other family except a sibling I don't see much 400 miles away.

Working with schoolage kids IME

National Women's Register nwr.org.uk/

Agree with the dog walking - I have met so many nice people locally by walking my dog. I don't really have time to pursue those friendships beyond our chats as I am working and have a teen, but they are all really interesting, decent, friendly people who I would be delighted to spend more time with if I could.

I also find local groups have much older women. Strange.

I’m extremely happily married but have always wanted to make more friends. Have only one long distance friend from school and none from uni. My DW not so worried about making friends but again has virtually none from education days

Best thing we ever did was ballroom dancing classes where we created a whole new social circle. Couples though

Zumba would be good for single women

I belong to a ukulele group which has been great. True beginners are welcome if they are prepared to practise a bit

How about women’s choirs? I know of one which grew out of a WI group. Then there’s WI itself

I do mentoring for small business owners for free. How about using your skills? You just need to get past the concept of doing work for nothing

Lots of great ideas on this thread - will re-read for inspiration!

The barbershop chorus choir I’ve recently joined has lots of friendly women 40-60

I’m your age and think active things are your best bet. So, join a Pilates/strength/tennis course (courses are best as the group will be consistent). Go to Park Run. Is there a GoodGym near you? This is a great initiative that combines running with community projects. Keep busy: could you be a school governor? Are there local charities that could use your skills?

I'm in the same boat OP. I'm a similar age and just wish I had some friends to mooch around the shops with, have a coffee, or a chatty lunch.

It's hard I think as you get older. I'm a member of various things, but it's the things I mention above that I miss.

I don't know what the answer is though.....

Comments like 'most 55 year olds are working their asses off' are just unhelpful. Even people who work have days off. And many have lost jobs recently and have more time to fill.

So based on what you've said, it's not meeting people but converting activity based friendships into "let's hang out" friendships. I don't have the answer but I agree this is the tricky thing and ultimately it just takes time.

It's really more than an activity-based friendships, although these are a good place to start.

It's activities where you also have a responsibility for something that will really kick-start a friendship or galvanise a group of like-minded individuals into friends. So being on the committee of a community group that is interesting to you. Helping organise something for the local foodback, soup kitchen or other charity. Being on the committee of the WI. Becoming a coach for a sport that you enjoy or helping people to tap into taster sessions or whatever. You might have to kiss a few frogs, but you will get there.

It's the committee meetings in the pub, the banter on the whatsapp groups, the christmas meal with your fellow organisers of whatever it is that you do where activities really turn into friendships.

Participation is good, but organisation is next level!

This is an interesting thread op - thanks for starting it.

Firstly, I sympathise. I'm not working for various reasons (late forties). Too young to retire, I have started down the path of launching a small business on-line and this has kept me occupied/gets me out and about as I don't want to return to the office but this doesn't necessarily bring me into contact with many people (I suppose a lot of people might find this if they are now wfh). I have also had children later so not facing the empty nest as such and sometimes I feel relief about having them later for this reason because I have struggled with friendships and they give me focus.

But recently, I too, have realised that I would really like to have more friends and/or people to do activities with. I wouldn't rule out having older friends - a good friend of mine is 20 years older than me but I think for me, I need a range of friends/acquaintances. I would love to go to the pub now and again for example but no-one I know drinks or they already seem entrenched in existing friendship groups. Things aren't helped by the fact I don't have much extended family (parents deceased and brother lives some miles away). I attempted to join an interest group recently, only to discover it is still being held via zoom so things really haven't returned to 'normal' I don't think quite yet.

I don't know the answer to this op, my only idea is to try a scattered approach to it - by joining interest groups and doing a bit of volunteering and hoping I will eventually develop a tribe. Going to work obviously brings you into contact with people and keeps you busy but I want to try other things first (without the pressure and demands) and it sounds like you do as well op.

Watching with interest.

Where are all the other 55 year olds? What are they doing? lots are going to still going to be parenting as older mums of teens!

Not RTTT but community choirs are great for this.

With that in mind JamMaking have booked a local rock choir taster session in a couple of weeks! Sounds fun.

OverTheHill50 I know exactly how you feel! I'm 52 and realised the other day that I'm very very lonely. My life consists of 5am gym, work by 7.30, home around 5.30 then just me and the cat until bed ready to start again. Ex and I split up in 2015 and for a couple of years before that I was out nearly every evening doing something (symptomatic of a failing marriage and desire to do more than watch TV of an evening).

Children all away at uni/work although one home every weekend. I didn't have many friends even before Covid but was always the one to plan nights out etc with the couple I did have. Now I'm just so bone tired from work stress and life stress that I wish someone would ring me and ask if I fancied a coffee or wine (although I can't seem to tolerate alcohol any more - thanks to perimenopause).

Trouble is if the government brings in any winter restrictions I doubt groups would be able to meet. Not sure yet...

My advice would be to build on relationships with people you do meet, regardless of age and life stage, provided they are nice and you have at least something in common. I'm 52 and only know 2 other people in their 50s. They're not at the same life stage, as they have young DC while mine are adults. The other people I know are at least ten years younger, many 20+ years younger, with just one friend 15 years older. Its just the way my life has worked out (my DP is very young and have met people through him) but I like it. Shared points of reference are only one aspect of friendship and its very enriching when relationships blur the generations imo. Also the more people you meet and the more you get out, the wider your pool so your chance of meeting your target demographic is higher.

I have a few groups of friends. The first lot I met through someone at Slimming World who invited me to a book club. They are mostly retired and a bit older than me but we all like books/theatre/films etc etc.

The second - well a lady moved in next door to my mum. I got friendly with her (as did my mum who is no longer with us sadly). She was in a group of men and women who were single - either divorced/never married/widowed and asked if I would like to join them. I was a little hesitant at first as some of them went to church and I am not into that. However they, like my other friends, are a lovely group and I occasionally go on holiday with them (going to Eastbourne in November with them!).

Another couple of friends I met at work.

I value these friendships enormously as I don't see much of my brothers and their families. Just the way it is sometimes!

Now I'm just so bone tired from work stress and life stress that I wish someone would ring me and ask if I fancied a coffee or wine (although I can't seem to tolerate alcohol any more - thanks to perimenopause).

I wish this too but I've realised it is rare and I have to make the effort if I want company for a coffee. Joining a couple of interest groups is on my agenda as is voluntary work as the activity is already pre-planned/common interest and doesn't involve me becoming resentful because my 'friends' don't make the effort 80% of the time to arrange something when I do. I think I've become a bit cynical or perhaps my expectations are a bit high so I want to try the scattered approach in an attempt to have an array of friends/acquaintances to enrich my social life. I'm happy in my own company with my interests etc. and with limited time, I think I am more choosy about the company I keep/activities outside of this, so again want to try a number of things until I find a good fit (I've already tried two groups - one pre-covid and one when lockdown eased and have ruled these out).

parkrun

Running is great if you're into it and I agree a good way to meet people. It has been suggested to me on a couple of occasions. Trouble is, I just don't enjoy it.

blobby10 That does sound tough. Can’t solve your wider life issues but there is a solution to the wine v middle age thing.

Biodynamic wine. Seriously. Mere organic or natural wine doesn’t work - but if you seek out actual biodynamic wine you may well be delighted by the lack of crushing misery the day after indulging. Try it.

I'm in my 30s and feel this way too. I think it's the legacy of Covid and for me, working from home and losing all of those connections that I used to have when working in person.
I'm looking into volunteering and getting involved in local political party activism. Not everyone's thing but I wanted to find a way to get involved in a community cause. Only thing that sucks is that it's mainly online for now but I suppose we have to start somewhere.

How friendly are you? I'm mid 50s and have made loads of friends when I moved to a new town alone, by being friendly. I know people from 30 to 93 who suggest beer/coffee/lunch etc because I am a good listener, and say yes to things. Some of the most hilarious, brightest and most up for a laugh people I know are those in their 70s and 80s.

@Atsomepoint

You don’t actually need to run a single step to be at Park Run. You could walk the 5k, you’ll never be last as there’s always a Tail Runner & you could choose to walk with them. You could also volunteer for any of the positions, you don’t have to be a runner to help. But all the people who turn up are very friendly and inclusive. I was so impressed when I got an email celebrating the fact that the average time has increased, which means more non-runners are taking part.