Where to find friends aged 50-60?

[OverTheHill50]

OK, they don't have to be exactly 50-60, but I mean my age group (55) and stage of life.

My youngest has gone to uni and DH and I are rattling around. Although we've lived in the same town over 20 years I suddenly feel really lonely and lacking in friends! I've realised how much of our social life revolved around the DC's school and events/ concerts/ other parents etc.
Covid has kiboshed a lot of those friendships/ relationships with hardly anyone socialising over the last 18 months.

I have good friends dotted around up to an hour away, but seeing them always requires advance organisation and planning.

I already do a few hobby things - a music group, book group and an ad hoc walking group, but it seems that most of the people in these are older than me (65+) and although lovely, haven't developed into strong friendships/connections.

Where are all the other 55 year olds? What are they doing?
Are they working and caring for elderly parents with no time for socialising?
I'm not working and sadly lost my remaining parent years ago, so I wonder if perhaps I have more time than others of my age? I don't have any other family except a sibling I don't see much 400 miles away.

[LionelMessy]

BorrowMyDoggy dot com - you take other folks dogs for a walk for an hour or two, and you'll be amazed every 2nd person will chat because you've a dog.

Your runner buddy will be free again soon as doggy training classes often 8 weeks long maybe. In meantime go run your local parkrun 5km Saturday mornings - the community spirit and friendliness is guaranteed at parkruns.

Charity shop volunteer a good way to get chatting to folk too.

[gettingolderbutcooler]

I'm free! Surrey.
Can you message privately on MN?

[EdmontinaDonsAutumnalHues]

[DottyHarmer]

What mean posts about working. I know some very lonely people who work full time. Not everyone works in a sociable office and in fact may wfh full time and not see a soul all day.

It is difficult - everything I have investigated has either given me the bum’s rush (creative writing/book groups) or has a very much older membership. Of course I am happy to make older friends - I used to have excellent chats with the professor over the road - but one lady I got chatting to at a local event started ringing me up and telling me about her ailments and wanting lifts to appointments.

[Soggychip]

Is there more than one WI group in your area? If so have you tried them ? Where I am theres 3 within reach and they are all completely different. One is very traditional and rather stereotypical but the other two are more my sort of thing. The age range I’d not be too concerned about, it’s more whether the people are your sort of people. At our group I’m really friendly with a woman around 20 years younger than me and one who’s 10 years older and their ages just don’t matter at all. They are interesting, fun to be around, easy to be with.

Are there any nature reserves within reach? Would you be interested in volunteering. One of my friends does one day a week as a guide at one nearby and also does a lot of hands on work. She has learned new skills like hedging, dry stone walling, working with classes on school visits etc. She has made some really good friends there who share similar interests.

It is really difficult at the moment with covid. Lots of groups of all types have recently opened up face to face but how long for who knows. But park run and walking groups should be fine and anything else outdoorsy.

[Fiveminutestospare]

I know some very lonely people who work full time. Not everyone works in a sociable office and in fact may wfh full time and not see a soul all day.

I worked in a sociable office but never made any meaningful friendships. I turned up every day and made pleasant chit chat (brought me into contact with people admittedly) but no friendships ever developed so I can understand this comment.

Also, regarding a comment about being a good listener, I think people have arranged meeting up with me for this purpose because in effect they get a free counselling session. Whilst this is okay, I want friendships with people who enjoy activities and are fun to be around etc. and not just me being relied on as a listening post. Another 'friend' arranges meet ups because her child is lonely and wants access to my child as a play mate, yet doesn't invite me to anything socially such as the pub etc. I do think you have to be a bit wary unfortunately and make sure YOU get something out of it too. When I volunteer, if it doesn't suit me, I will have no hesitation in moving on. I think the perimenopause has stripped me of some caregiving hormones and pushed my needs more to the forefront.

Fifty-sixty is a difficult age group to meet new people because many are caught up in working (and not helped that pension age has been pushed up). I know someone who attempted to meet other mums by starting a local craft group during the day - I don't think a single person under 60 attended and we live in a reasonably affluent area.

[DottyHarmer]

I agree that we become a lot more choosy as we get older. As a youngster you all rub along and tolerate foibles. Now I think life’s too short to put up with people who have deal-breaker faults.

I too have dumped several volunteering things. I understand it’s hard managing volunteers, but start by not being so flippin’ rude to them !

[greedygut]

There is a nice Facebook group called
Social events in Sussex / Surrey and beyond
I joined a few weeks ago and just reading they seem really nice , I haven't had time to join in any events yet or meet anyone

[MagpieMary]

It like be really helpful to know where people are based on this thread.

[HundredMilesAnHour]

I'm 51, work full time (in a quite stressful job) but live alone and am incredibly lonely. How sad does that sound? I'm very sociable and know lots of people but my close friends either live miles away (or in other countries), or are just wrapped up with different lifestyles (teenage kids that require constant ferrying around to sports etc).

I've made friends through my gym (but most of them are 20+ years younger and I don't want to go out drinking these days) and through work (but they live outside London and commute in) but I don't have friends to see at the weekends. I would love to have local friends I could meet for coffee or for brunch or for a walk in the park. Just simple things really.

[EdmontinaTiresofNameFlipping]

I would love to have local friends I could meet for coffee or for brunch or for a walk in the park. Just simple things really.

You know, I’m beginning to wonder if this model of new friendship is realistic nowadays …

There is too much choice of activity. It’s easy to be ‘friendly’ in passing - but why, really, would one middle aged person want to go to the trouble of leaving their cosy house to walk, or sit in a cafe, conversing with someone they barely know?

Contrast this with two or more people engaged in a shared project (something that actually matters), spending hours talking and thinking together. Coffee will be drunk, maybe you’ll all go to the pub to continue talking about the project. The odd comment, relating the shared endeavour to one’s personal life, may occur. This is honestly a much more rewarding and unforced (though formalised) model of beneficial interaction.