Dating thread 215 we are over here!!!

[BelladiMamma]

Ok folks new thread, hopefully everyone will find is!!

@BelladiMamma yes, it's still a bit
breadcrumby at the moment. But for now that suits me because my job is taking so much of my energy right now. Plus Dd is not getting on very well with her Dad so my child free time has been curtailed.

The state of play at the moment is that we're both off the apps and seeing how things go. No date to meet up but that is more down to me than him. That's life I suppose!

I'm going to get rid of MrWhatsApp - he's asked this morning for about the 5th time if I'm on WhatsApp, I've said "no" and now he's asking about Linkedin and Instagram (he's not traceable himself though I think he is who he says he is).

VanGoghsDog

Wow !! That’s very descriptive
I’m feeling that bad sex for you

Sorry it made me chuckle
Me with my NO sex

It's just blatantly - "I want to look at more photos of you in advance" and "get my own way before we've even met".

He's said now "it's hard to articulate when living in a woodblock".

@SpringlikeBunk so do you prefer to message via the app or have you given your burner phone number out? I don't mind the switch to whatsapp because it means less logging onto the app and getting distracted. I think i've moved people over really rather quickly actually. But the 'more photo's' question is a deal-breaker for me. I really hate that. I'm also not on social media either so can't look anyone up or have anyone look me up. This i think has lead some men to not believe i am who i say i am. I just really cannot understand social-media it's a sure fire way to comparing yourself to others and more often than not you end up feeling down. I can see it with my DS and the insane amount him and his friends talk about the number of 'likes' they get on videos they made. It leads to a false sense of having a huge number of friends. I feel for kids growing up in this day and age forming proper friendships and eventually getting into good and healthy relationships will be very very difficult. Seems success is measured in how many friends you can get regardless of whether the friendship has any value.

@VanGoghsDog,
Jeez, you don’t pull your punches do you, that almost needs an 18 guidance rating.
I read she comes 1st the a few years back, most enlightening,

But unfortunately while physical problems are an issue, ED and PJ are so easily treated these days it’s really poor that a man can’t ‘deal’ with those issues without embarrassment or delay.
But delayed ejaculation is more tricky, sometimes you have to just give up if it’s just not working..

PE not PJ…

[quote Languidleopard]@BelladiMamma yes, it's still a bit
breadcrumby at the moment. But for now that suits me because my job is taking so much of my energy right now. Plus Dd is not getting on very well with her Dad so my child free time has been curtailed.

The state of play at the moment is that we're both off the apps and seeing how things go. No date to meet up but that is more down to me than him. That's life I suppose![/quote]
My DD situation is very similar. And if she wants to change her mind at the last minute will respect it, because I'm just not going to force her to go when so often it's a negative experience.

So in the same boat as you and hoping one of my guys becomes regular but undemanding 🤣

@SpringlikeBunk

It's just blatantly - "I want to look at more photos of you in advance" and "get my own way before we've even met".

He's said now "it's hard to articulate when living in a woodblock".

Wow read the room mate and be more imaginative about how people live their lives ... and there are other ways of checking people out!!!

So rude!!!

TBF he has now kind of said he'll call tonight so I'll see how it is over phone.

It's actually deja vu - I had exactly the same early conversation with MrMilitary when we matched two years ago, I said he sounded great and appreciated the service he did (blah blah blah) but I'm just not one of those fast-paced confident extroverted types who'd suit him, and in reality I'm sensitive introverted and geeky and more emotionally suited to geeky softboi types.

And I got exactly the same reply - I was "judging" him for being in the military, he wasn't an imbecile, he'd read a book once in 2010, officers have qualifications....but same issues down the line?

Completely different lifestyles and personality types.

I need my professor who sends me photos of Miss Tiggywinkle! Bumble says he's still abroad so sitting tight.

@SpringlikeBunk, I think the early stages of messaging are some of the most difficult to navigate in OLD but I'm not hearing anything here to suggest he's worth hanging on in there with. I have learnt ( I hope ) a huge amount from being on these threads and if I am back on the apps at some point I will really endeavour to keep my search/response focused on what I know I want and not get side tracked by interactions with guys where there's clearly something not sitting right with how they are being.

@Naimee87

I do understand people have fears about being catfished etc.

But really, they have to "play the game" and just accept that sometimes it happens....

but you can't put off everyone else by being defensive or demanding personal details?

I mean my flake last night, I couldn't track him down before we met, and he flaked, so maybe that was a factor...

but I'm not going to demand passport scans and surnames and NI numbers from the next ten guys I match with?

As "on the whole" people do turn up when they say they will.

I caved & sent a brief video message to MrActor telling him where my head was at and we are now organising our next meet.

Phew 🤣

Still going to see MrSardinia as I might explode before then

I never found Computer Geek on social media for a 36 man that was a bit strange I thought as he is of the age group who were on MySpace and Facebook first (so am I) but then my brothers and sister aren't.

I consciously keep barriers between any solid personal details and irons as obviously there’s the risk of some nutter stalking your personal details.

If the first meet is low key and public, there’s no need to overcheck.

Maybe it’s an age thing but I freak out at people wanting to get Instagram details straight away.

I’m not on Instagram but not sure how someone seeing pictures of me pouting and pretending to be cool is helpful! Or things I’ve eaten

Plus I think it “gives people an idea of you” but whether or not it’s true is another matter?

So you have someone you might not even meet trawling through flattering snapshots of you - not sure how that encourages any intimacy or getting to know someone?

It’s just very low investment connection. A bit like all these WhatsApp “talks” and “chats” that actually go nowhere as it’s very detached and meaningless.

Phone calls - I actually enjoy them and feel that you can get more of an idea of the person?

Plus it’s more vulnerability/commitment/opening up than just scrolling through my details or me going through theirs.

Obviously I’m not down with the yoof

but I’ve seen lots of very impressive social media/Instagrams of people who don’t really seem to be as glam or attractive in real life at all! I mean they’re not unattractive but a lot of the shots are clearly highly curated and edited.

So not even sure what the point is exchanging Instagram details early on?

@naimee87 just finished my work meeting so catching up on the thread. Thank you. She has good days and bad days. Unfortunately it's the big C and as it's now got very advanced very quickly (less than 2 months from diagnosis to inoperable) it's about making her comfortable until she no longer has a good quality of life. Thankfully the good days really out number the bad day.

Really going to up the ante with the job search after the company meeting. I think they are treading in some very murky waters in regards to plans for the next year

So after my date cancelling last minute last night, I have another tonight with Mr poly, who I've been chatting with for a while. Problem is I'm mooning over Mr Scot... I've also got a chat going with another guy but he's making my spidey senses tingle a bit with his slight love bomby messages (although nothing on the scale of @BelladiMamma!) and his self deprecation. No mention of meeting yet either. No idea what to wear tonight. Dating in the cold weather is a bit more challenging as I really feel the cold and would be teeth chattering away!

Hi all, can I join?

It's been about 3.5 months since my last relationship went down in flames and I'd quite like to find something stable and nice now. I'm 37 and want kids...and want to find someone who does too. I know that may be a tall order and am wondering how early to broach this.

At the moment I've been on two dates with a 36 year old - let's call him mr cartoon (he works on kids tv things). He seemed genuinely v enthusiastic on the first date, said he was ready for a relationship after a few years off (he had a very tough time looking after a sick sibling who eventually died). Then we went on a second which was fun, but maybe too fun...got drunk and had sex. Good sex, but I feel vulnerable and we don't have another date in the diary despite him asking for a second when we were on our first. He is texting every day though and I've been busy every night this week, which he knows, so perhaps he's waiting for me to quieten down a bit?

He's got friends staying this weekend, going to leave him to it and maybe see if he's around next week...

I've frozen some eggs which he knows and asked about in the last date, and I think I fluffed it a bit by acting more chilled about kids than I am. I actually would like them in the next couple of years. So I need to correct that misapprehension, and see if it scares him of or not. Ugh. I hate dating at this age!

@Misty9 i'm the same i've already got tights on under my jeans and multiple layers! Got my legwarmers out today as well. You won't be sat outside though will you? So i've clearly no advice here as i'd likely rock up to my date wearing full on eskimo gear. But just thought i'd let you know we're similar

@StartingAgain33 i think if kids are really important to you, i would ask him if its something he is looking for. Give yourself a time limit in your head. I have friends who asked this early on and at least everything was on the table. My best friend didnt, and then things ended up taking ages. Now married but no children as its gotten so late in the day for them.

@Misty9 I'm the same, although weirdly (and this makes my best friend laugh) I very rarely wear boots so always have my ankles out if I'm in jeans (easier to drive in trainers). I turned up to meet Mr Cricket back in September in a jacket and scarf 🤦‍♀️🤣 .

thanks @Eesha, he says he would like 'nothing more than to meet the woman he'd like to have kids with', but he also has only just moved to London for career reasons and says he wants to be in the right position financially before having them which I worry means he's not quite in the right life stage. He doesn't yet own his own place either and is someway off (although I do so maybe that matters less?)

I am a bit worried this all means he's not ready though :(

Good luck to all with dates tonight. I have one, possibly my last one before I take some time out for me, depending on how things go. But it's a night out regardless, and I do enjoy meeting new people.

@BelladiMamma

I caved & sent a brief video message to MrActor telling him where my head was at and we are now organising our next meet.

Phew 🤣

Still going to see MrSardinia as I might explode before then

@BelladiMamma ooh, that's all sounding very positive re Mr Actor.

As for my Dd not wanting to go to her Dad's, yeah it's a tricky one. Like you, I don't make her go if she doesn't want to. She's 14 & quite mature so doesn't need a babysitter, but not old enough for me to be out all hours and certainly not overnight. I feel stuck tbh.

I vented to a friend IRL about it and she offered to come and stay over at mine. But how do I explain that to Dd? She knows Mr Breadcrumbs and I sometimes meet up but obviously not the gory details. I don't want to start lying to her. And I don't feel like I know him well enough to have him stay over at mine.

So for now, it's going to be a daytime/evening thing which he knows and has accepted. I actually feel like I'm more breadcrumby than he is atm. I don't feel like a good dating prospect for anyone right now 😕

I tried to reason with my ex about it but his attitude is that he discharges his duty by paying child maintenance and I just need to deal with it - nice