Dating thread 215 we are over here!!!

[BelladiMamma]

Ok folks new thread, hopefully everyone will find is!!

@JustAnother0ldMan but when your feelings start coming into play being rational doesn’t do anything does it. You can know all the logic but when you feel upset and down, none of that really helps.

@Isitreallyme177 glad she is better 💗they are little monkeys, worrying us. They do it on purpose too.

@Eesha well if it’s nice then no reason to stop is there. Maybe if you get to know him better you might find more things in common. Nice guys are defo rare as we all know ☺️

Sorry to hear about your dog @Dancerinthemoonlight
Too much sad pet news lately

Just reading the crap that everyone goes through on here is enough to remind me to steer clear of the apps. Reading about everyone else going through the same shit reminds me of how horrible they made me feel! I wish they just didn't exist, I think dating in general would be so different and better without them.

@JustAnother0ldMan

*Justanother Sounds like a break is needed for you Come off the apps and do other hobbies You’ll perk up , really you will flowers We’ve all been there No one can online date when they feel shit about themselves I only do it when I’m ovulating (for now 😬)

Thanks, I have deleted them all now,
Not sure about the ovulating, maybe I to wait until I have an erection ?
But I’m so old those days are few and far between 🤷🏼‍♂️

🤣 I like your sense of humour (and you need one to support Norwich!) Mr cancel definitely didn't get mine... 😬

@Misty9 @SpringlikeBunk I cancelled my last minute date zero but I'm meeting her tomorrow instead

@Dancerinthemoonlight so sorry to hear about your dog

@ all the regulars coming back with their hood news stories - thank you for reminding us battle weary babes that there is occasionally gold in them there hills

I've recorded a couple of voice notes for MrActor and deleted them. He can get them if he gets in contact again with another plan.

Laughing out loud at drunk Delia! How did I forget?! And 51 is not old @JustAnother0ldMan, taking a little time out rarely does any harm though so see how you feel in a bit?
Sorry to hear about your dog too @Dancerinthemoonlight

🤔 ok so I'm still bouncing off the walls thinking about MrActor ... maybe I need to think of things in a different way. Before I got into a rut with my ex, I've never been afraid to ask for what I want. Why change? At least you get the goddamn answer then and you can carry on with knowledge and honesty on your side ... & I've just realised it could be really tricky to see him for 2 weeks now as I'm away ...

I like your sense of humour (and you need one to support Norwich!)

Ooh that’s a low blow, it’s not like it’s Ipswich Town or anything.

@JustAnother0ldMan

I like your sense of humour (and you need one to support Norwich!)

Ooh that’s a low blow, it’s not like it’s Ipswich Town or anything.

That Delia vid is something else! Good on her though. It does mean we will all think of her in a different light 🤣

@JustAnother0ldMan

I like your sense of humour (and you need one to support Norwich!)

Ooh that’s a low blow, it’s not like it’s Ipswich Town or anything.

🤣

[quote Shayelle2009]@JustAnother0ldMan but when your feelings start coming into play being rational doesn’t do anything does it. You can know all the logic but when you feel upset and down, none of that really helps.

@Isitreallyme177 glad she is better 💗they are little monkeys, worrying us. They do it on purpose too.

@Eesha well if it’s nice then no reason to stop is there. Maybe if you get to know him better you might find more things in common. Nice guys are defo rare as we all know ☺️[/quote]
Yes,
When I’m coaching or observing, it’s easy to pick up what someone is doing and almost what they are thinking, but when it’s yourself it’s difficult to unravel logic and feelings

Had a call with Mr Scot. He looked so good 😭 and he said again that he likes me but isn't ready for anything. Why do I always want the ones who aren't available? 😩

I spoke to MrWG on the phone on Wed, his operation has been brought forward and to be fair to him he does sound totally overwhelmed with his 'stuff', he does too much (classic avoidance). No apology exactly for not seeing me but he did say "doesn't leave time for anything else, including your good self" (horrible expression) or something like that.
I did offer to look after him when he comes out of hospital, but he was pretty dismissive of the idea.

MrStone - dinner at his tomorrow. I suspect I'm going to have to face the question of What Is This.
To be fair, I'm starting to have a slight shift in my feelings towards him (maybe because the other one is being so useless and I am detaching) .

But I haver three issues (I have been mulling on this):

1. I don't want things to be weird in the walking group, I don't want to start arriving with him etc, or holding hands (yack!), and if things don't go well I don't want to have to deal with that in my group.
2. I don't want to get a reputation for shagging the group and I did date someone from May 19 to July 20 which everyone knew about
3. I am very worried he won't be good in bed. Not because of anything about him, but because I am SO fed up of getting to that stage and finding they are crap. MrWG has his ED issue, last guy before him same (he finished the party before I even started) and the guy I dated for a years similar though not quite as extreme, my ex from years ago had the 'inability to ejaculate' issue and I'm just fed up of it all. Course, with OLD you just tell them it's not working, move on, block them if necessary, but with someone in a hobby group it's a lot more tricky.

I need to tell him all this I guess! Or, maybe he will be mortified, maybe he just wants to be friends. He really is a nice guy though, right values, kind and generous, open hearted, funny and helpful.

Anyway, I said I'd take a pudding so at least I know I'll get something nice - bought a cherry bakewell pudding and double cream.

@Misty9

Had a call with Mr Scot. He looked so good 😭 and he said again that he likes me but isn't ready for anything. Why do I always want the ones who aren't available? 😩

When you find out, let me know!

"Anyway, I said I'd take a pudding so at least I know I'll get something nice - bought a cherry bakewell pudding and double cream."

Ooh!

@SpringlikeBunk

"Anyway, I said I'd take a pudding so at least I know I'll get something nice - bought a cherry bakewell pudding and double cream."

Ooh!

I feel guilty not having made it. He did joke about not being sure how good his cooking is (and I am not great with bad cooking to be honest) so I suggested we have a 'safe word' in case I can't tell him I don't want it (this was all in good humour) and as he doesn't drink I can't take wine etc so thought taking a pud would take some pressure off him.

@VanGoghsDog

He sounds like a decent bloke and a great friend.

Can you not just keep him there as a friend? Surely you don't need to have sexual or romantic contact with him if you don't feel that way inclined.

[quote SpringlikeBunk]@VanGoghsDog

He sounds like a decent bloke and a great friend.

Can you not just keep him there as a friend? Surely you don't need to have sexual or romantic contact with him if you don't feel that way inclined.[/quote]
Yes, of course. But I need to have that discussion before he launches himself at me over the cherry Bakewell. And I'm shit at those discussions.

Old suits me because I can just do it all over text. And then delete people if I go off the idea.
(When people don't believe my autism diagnosis I should just show them this!).

@Dancerinthemoonlight so lovely to hear from you but sorry about your dog? i'm hoping she's/he's ok? We bought mine a 'gangsta-hoodie' yesterday! She's a tiny pug and looked amazing! Sorry to hear about the work situation not improving yet! I'm trying my best to get as involved as possible but find now real connection to what i'm being tasked with! And the lead up to Christmas always involves preparation for a massive conference and for some reason our department ALWAYS hands the organising to NEW people meaning us (assistants) have to walk them through what they are doing it which triples our workload! Aaaaaanyway! Great to hear from you and hope you have a easy Friday @Iamclearlyamug lovely news from you! He's even helping with work! I'm so impressed! It is good to hear the success stories! @sortingitout any news on you and MrK and his fishing trip? In other news i went an slept with magnet-man last night in his brand new truck and i very much enjoyed myself! My reward for getting over him i went and got under him again! Yay! Go me!

@Naimee87 Got to love a bit of magnet man.
As long as you know he has nothing to offer but sex then hopefully you wont get hurt.

Mr K didn't do his fishing trip last week as the boat skipper was having an operation🙄
So I got to see him 3 times as I was off work all week although one evening mert was moved to much later as he had a last minute school tour with his son (not last minure organised by the school but last minute told by his son's mother🙄.) He was annoyed that he nearly missed it as he should have been fishing.
We saw my brother last week and Mr K told him that I nearly finished with him over their fishing trip, my brother was aghast until I explained. I asked Mr K later how he knew I was thinking of ending it and he said it was because I was so annoyed.
He also told me that during said fishing trip he had joked with the others that I was getting fed up of all his fishing and he might not be a guest at the wedding, a friend piped up and said Mr K can go as his guest🙄
But it still didn't enter his head that his son would miss him and want to see him🤬

I'm only seeing him once this week due to me having a work thing and him meeting friends (not got together as a group for over a year so I can't begrudge him that) so it will be interesting how I feel when I next see him.

I'm just going with the flow for now and seeing how things pan out.
I spoke to my Counsellor and I realised that he does enhance my life a lot so it's worth moving on from him missing the party (even though it hurt a lot) and we've talked it through. If it happens again it tells me all I need to know.

Sorry for the ramble🤣

I am very worried he won't be good in bed
I know I’m going to regret this but what would constitute being no good in bed (overlooking ED),
Failure to bring a woman to orgasm or
he finished the party before I even started. Love this phrase,

Or something else I probably have my bedroom checklist

@SortingItOut this is all really positive! So pleased for you 🥰

@Naimee87 ok I'm just really jealous now 🤣

This hiatus with MrActor has allowed me to really reflect on some of the other love bomb type interactions that I’ve had over the years. The last one with MrBear, whom I met on Bumble went something like this:
After second date he told me all about his Google searching on me and then questioned me about the way I’d presented some of my broadcast work, picking apart 90 seconds of telly that I’d done and giving me ‘tips’
After date 4 and sleeping together sent letters and flowers
Came to cook for me without me inviting him
Twice weekly presents: Monday, flowers, Friday clothes
Told me he loved me week 3
Tried to take my dogs to meet his kids / engineer me meeting his kids without my explicit consent
Couldn’t manage condoms
Told me he loved me after 3 weeks
Gave me tips on how my cleaner should do a better job ‘I feel really sorry for you she’s taking advantage of you’
‘Re organised’ my home working space including changing my wifi set up and my landline
Took my daughter’s laptop for repairs and then held it hostage after I broke things off with him

In short, it was exhausting and I hated it. Only lasted 10 weeks I think in the end?
Over the last 2 years I’ve had 3 guys be like this with me and one of them stalked me. My ex h was like this too!!!

This is obviously something that I want to be part of my past and to change and I recognise it way quicker now and get the hell out of there!!

Now to just cool my heels over MrActor. MrSardinia will provide a very welcome distraction …

Sorry i've re-read and it's so long!

Hey! @SortingItOut Yess have to see my situation with magnet-man for what it is and enjoy when we see each other. Can’t let myself turn into something it isn’t like i was trying to before. It’s so incredibly good with him and familiar and his 'reversing skills' when he arrived last night and parked up were just incredible haha! We agreed not to see others and aiming for every other week, once a week would be a dream scenario but it all depends on his work and my childcare options. Will just have to see how things play out. I’m not looking for anyone else at the minute either so head-space is good! That being said @BelladiMamma he's ghosted before so i'm potentially walking into a trap here! Only time will tell.

On the MrK situation if you've realised he is enriching your life then the party incident must be a glitch. And it's suddenly just thrown all the other negatives at you of which in any relationship there are always difficult situations to deal with. I've found in the past whenever i've relaxed into a relationship that seems to be where it's all gone wrong and instead of asking why i've shyed away from the difficult conversations but probably if i'd been brave enough to have them i'd have understood the reasons why things had changed and realised walking away or ending things was the best decision. Seems you and MrK are able to talk things through and want to make it work. It's a really interesting that MrK seems to think doing things with your family is also doing things 'for/with' you. Because it seems your time that you spend together is really precious. Does he recognise this as well. Great you've managed to have a counselling session. I think i could have used a session back when i'd been ghosted by magnet-man but the six weeks i had helped me to see my 'needy-ness' and i managed to get through it myself and take back my head-space. I will never be going back to that place and if he disappears once again i'll have to say 'Ciao' i'll miss you and your truck very much!
@BelladiMamma MrBear sounds really 'over-bearing' haha! He sort of swooped in and took over your life. My neighbour did this. I thought it was what i wanted but actually i felt belitted and wanted my life back. I guess having been on my own for so long i felt completely smothered. One of your comments about your daughter really resonated with me because i feel like i need to spend quality time with my DS too as he's reaching teen-age years now so my dating life needs to take a back-seat as it just confuses him far too much. Well done on resisting the desire to text MrActor! You've so many other date '0's, 1s' 2's, 3's and 4's happening how do you even find the time to keep in touch with them all.
@Shayelle2009 sounds like getting back to the office is just what you need. Back out into the big wide world. Luckily you're a fan of those in suits too so you've plenty of potential suitors to 'oggle'
@SpringlikeBunk had to think of you as there was another thread on here 'how do you catch a hedgehog' haha perhaps you've some tips!

@JustAnother0ldMan

I am very worried he won't be good in bed I know I’m going to regret this but what would constitute being no good in bed (overlooking ED), Failure to bring a woman to orgasm or he finished the party before I even started. Love this phrase,

Or something else I probably have my bedroom checklist

It's difficult to say really. I know ED is not their fault, but it's not mine either.

The guy last year, I can't really describe how bad it was, he was like a fumbling teenager. He sort of poked at me for a few seconds. Then he went down and, I have no idea, he sort of stuck his tongue at my labia maybe twice.

I mean, I don't know how men usually do what they do down there, but it's not that.

So I decided to take matters into my own hands, but when I reached for him, he was soft within a second and wet and I realised he had finished in my hand.

Again, that part, not his fault.

Last ltr, never went down. Maybe twice the whole year we were together (the first time, they always do the first time right?) and while I usually am happy to give bj, I won't if it's not two way. But also he had a slight prostate issue which meant he dripped a bit, and his penis was always slightly wee smelling. Add that to him never being that hard and bj were unpleasant plus I could never go on top.
He complained about both, but how do you tell a guy those are the reasons?

Then there are those like my ex who didn't ever finish, who just keep pounding away at your cervix until it's bruised. Ugh. Also, because he didn't finish, and he preferred doggy style, I got very bored and bits of me would ache, like my knees, and hips.

I do seem to get crampy hips during sex, but I can usually shift about a bit to relieve it, or just ignore it if things are enjoyable. But being pounded at, doing nothing for me, and seemingly very little for him either, the hips really hurt!

@Naimee87 not too long at all! It's so good to read other perspectives. Yeah the whole 'oh you poor little woman let me help you with that' massively pisses me off.

Last night my DD actually told me how grateful she was that she knew where she was in my priorities eg number 1. It's all worth it when you know that they're getting what they need from you ❤️