Dating thread 215 we are over here!!!

[BelladiMamma]

Ok folks new thread, hopefully everyone will find is!!

BelladiMamma. Yes, you're right. I wish now that I'd thought of the voice note. But Iread his message, three times, and came out with three different conclusions. Talk about confusing. I wish I could upload it but I've now deleted it.

Thank you both for your advice.

@Dumpee maybe leave it 24 hours to let the news sink in and suggest meeting next weekend? And try not to message in between, give yourselves a break for as much of the week as you can manage and then meet so that you can have a conversation?

@Dumpee sorry to hear about whats gone on! It’s really crushing when things end and you don’t want them too. I can’t help but think he did a ‘good’ thing though by sending you a msg explaining what was going on. Even if it’s out of the blue and not what you want to hear. A lot of the time and in my experience silences/fading communication leads to ghosting. So you feel even worse because you’ve no clue what happened. How come the conversation never took place?
I echo the ‘non-hagrid bush look’ is a good one to aim for 😂
@Shayelle2009 how you doing? Hopefully everything went well today at the dentist.

Hope you're ok @Shayelle2009

@Dumpee

Sorry to hear that break-ups can be tough.

Maybe I'm a bit hardcore but I'd think "over = over", recover, practice self-care, detach (at least for the time being), have a cry, then get out there again.

I wouldn't trust someone who was prepared to lose me - if they wanted to make an effort later on they can, but in the meantime I'd be glamming up, moving my own life forward and when I was ready dating again.

@Dumpee

For me, the "missing you" messages would really piss me off - like he wants to keep your attention or maybe for you to have casual sex and stop you moving on? If he missed you genuinely that much he wouldn't have broken up with you!

Block/ignore him for the time being.

(I also would think he might be "seeing how things went" with someone else)

@JustAnother0ldMan You definitely should have a tidy up.
I've been with men on all of the pubic hsir spectrum and personally for me less is better.
Full shave took a bit of getting used to but my ideal is trimmed with a hair shaver so some stubble.

Everyone should be happy as they are and not do anything they don't want to do so if you're happy as you are then that's fine.

Thank you all for your advice. It really has helped.

BelladiMamma, I don't think I would want to meet him again as, if he's just going to be reaffirming what his text messages said, I don't fancy being re-dumped, iyswim. But who dumps via text message, anyway.. It's so Nokia 64!

It just seems a bit strange that these conversations were never had f2f, as the other poster mentioned..We were at The Flicks last weekend, and we had the best time.

I just don't understand why he'd want to meet up when he's said what needs to be said.. And that's where I think the games are coming in..

SpringlikeBunk agreed. I did tell him that I thought it was inappropriate to tell me that he misses me while displaying other contrary behaviours.

But, it's the shock of it all. I'm all shook up!

Yeh please take care of yourself first @Dumpee - I don't think he's "on your side" here no matter what he texts. Give yourself time to cry it off, sleep in, do exercise - things WILL get better in time but expect it's horrific for now!

I'd be very mindful about him creating an "ambiguous" situation where he's half-in half-out and you're overthinking/going mad/walking on eggshells trying to keep him happy whilst he "considers his options".

springlikeBunk, yes, I agree.
But, because I'm quick to react, in my head, it's over now, regardless.

So, whether he wants to play games, it won't be with me.

Talking about ambiguity, thw original text message he sent me was exactly that. On purpose, who knows?

Thank you all for your helpful hints.

@Onesmallstep67 Your update is very heartening to read, sometimes 1 small thing can set us off in a negative spiral and you forget all the other good times you've had recently.
You sound like you have a great relationship although it must be so difficult to get into another relationship after your heartbreak.

Your weekend plans sound great - have a great time tonight.

@Dumpee

Thank you all for your advice. It really has helped.

BelladiMamma, I don't think I would want to meet him again as, if he's just going to be reaffirming what his text messages said, I don't fancy being re-dumped, iyswim. But who dumps via text message, anyway.. It's so Nokia 64!

It just seems a bit strange that these conversations were never had f2f, as the other poster mentioned..We were at The Flicks last weekend, and we had the best time.

I just don't understand why he'd want to meet up when he's said what needs to be said.. And that's where I think the games are coming in..

Yes, I can see why that's unhelpful for you & at the end of the day I've done all options after being dumped or doing the dumping. I've stayed in touch, I've blocked, I've met up, I've gone NC ... it just all depends on what and how things panned out. And only you know what you need to do to protect yourself!! ♥️

@Onesmallstep67

Thank you to everyone who has posted about things yesterday (and in general) with Mr V. We had a chat again and he listens and responds pretty thoughtfully, although I do think he must be a bit tired of me raising the same concerns each time. We went for food and to the cinema and had a lovely evening. He left later than planned this morning as we overslept for him getting to meet his friend at the gym. I am actually really enjoying having the house to myself. I'm seeing my friend tonight for drinks and driving to see another friend tomorrow for lunch out. In terms of where I think we are as a couple and the future, I think we both very much want to be in each other's life. He's not perfect but neither am I. I think sometimes I have expected too much and other times he's given too little. I have experienced a secure family life and a long marriage ( only ended by DH's illness) whereas his upbringing was somewhat challenging at times and his adult relationships focused around male friendship groups and caring for his mom. He's not had what I would call a long term, fully committed relationship, mostly by choice, so he lacks some understanding of what it takes to make that work. When I stopped to think about what we had done in recent weeks it included a theatre trip, cinema, pub quizzes, meals out and him coming out of his way mid week when he was feeling rough with a cold to support my DD in a college work share. We also had a perfect night last weekend dancing in a great venue and I felt very lucky to be with him. I think I have said before that he's a good looking guy and at times my self esteem can be a bit shaky ( weight related ). But more than that I think I am just scared about falling for someone and it going pear shaped because losing my DH was the most difficult and traumatic thing I have had to face and accept. I'm not sure it will ever leave me fully, I guess anything deeply difficult will always leave it's mark. Thank you again, having this forum and outlet is so beneficial.

I had forgotten or didn't know how you'd lost DH. I'm so sorry

@BelladiMamma, aww thank you. My DH had cancer and passed away almost 8 years ago so the real difficult times are behind me now but the shadow that it casts is a long one x
@SortingItOut, thank you too for a lovely, positive response. I can be guilty sometimes of not seeing the wood for the trees so it pays to take a step back and try to see things from a different viewpoint. The sexual side of things does need to be addressed as it’s an important part of the relationship for me - and him. Without going into too many details he’s got caught up in waiting for a urology appointment at the hospital that needs to be clear before the drs will address any other issue. Fingers crossed 🤞🏼😉

Thanks so much lovelies @BelladiMamma @SpringlikeBunk @Slothmomma @Isitreallyme177 it was grisly and I made a spectacle of myself by crying throughout it. How embarrassing. What was even worse the surgeon was insanely good looking! Anyhoo dragged myself home and slept most of the day.
Thanks for the kind wishes 💗

Sorry to hear that @Onesmallstep67 I wish they could just find a cure. Too many loved ones lost to that evil thing 💔 x

Thanks @Naimee87 too 💕 are you back from your Dads now?

Ah @Shayelle2009 I'm just as bad. I had a panic attack when I last had a tooth out, he had to stop halfway through and tell me to breathe. I cry just having an injection. My poor dentist is one that specialises in nervous patients too, he does say how much I've improved in the time I've been going to him. My hygienist is lovely and patient too.

Hi all,

Have deleted Tinder as it's a real bore. So now I'm just on Bumble.

Having a few good chats, but I'm seeing how things go. ❤️

Aww did you @Isitreallyme177, I used to get those too, horrible things. It’s grim isn’t it for some reason I didn’t remember having one out being so bad. But anyway its over now thankfully. Hope you hear from Cricket soon ☺️

Hey @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards hope you're doing well? How's the course going?

@Shayelle2009 I make myself go because as the poster in the dentists says, you only get one set of teeth. My last one was a freaky tooth and had an extra root.

Thank you. Yeah he should be back today (that's if my 4 days is right 🤣).

Good news about Mr. Mud, @MayEye 🙂❤️

@Dancerinthemoonlight sending lots of love your way ❤️