Dating thread 215 we are over here!!!

[BelladiMamma]

Ok folks new thread, hopefully everyone will find is!!

All my chats have faded so I have no irons or potential irons.
I'm taking it 1 day at a time as I have plenty of other things in the run up to Christmas to keep me busy at the moment

@Dancerinthemoonlight

I think it's better to let things fade then let the creeps get through or the weird guys! Are you thinking of another round close to Xmas? How is work?

I kind of regret the time and energy I spent on MrFey tbh and wish I'd stuck to my first impulse.

When we went out for the second meet it was "fun" at the time but the latish drinking really knocked me flat and it's affected the rest of the week for me?

Hi - lurker and very half hearted POF user- just a random query for the more online versed. Messaging someone, slowly on my part as I log on intermittently. One night I see a message with his phone number but don’t take it straightaway. The very next day I get a new message from the guy asking if his messages are blocked - which they weren’t - then he tells me they deleted all messages to me because he put his number in - he subsequently then sent the message again sans phone number then day after another message saying he was talking to someone and didn’t like them more but wanted to focus on one at a time - whatever it is fine bu me and I didn’t need a promise he would get back to me 🤦🏻‍♀️
The query is - do messages with phone numbers get blocked? It sounds odd to me as you’d be destined to stay in the dirty sea forever and I know I’ve had phone numbers before? I sorta took him at his word though initially until the follow up messages became quite odd as well.
Thank you if anyone knows - and think you all navigate the OLD field so well - hope your irons are all hot 😃

@MsJinks

Not as far as I know? (though haven't been on pof for a couple years). Agree it feels a bit odd/complicated/too much hassle.

@springlikebunk yes I'm going to try and just enjoy it and not worry too much about what will happen when/if it ends - I mean if I can pick myself up after the end of my 2 decades with exdh then I'll be ok (eventually).

Now looking forward to next weekend. We have a theatre show in the city so doing dinner before again and then drinks after. Staying over at mine then heading back onto city next day for some shopping and lunch

@Slothmomma

Yeh with all the "false starts" with dating I know I personally can get to the stage where I feel a bit stupid/cynical/nihilistic when I like someone and things are going well?

But life is short and like you say we all have the emotional resilience to get through a break-up (and none of us are moving in with guys, so it's just like a few dates really?).

If things don't pan out well with any of my contacts I'll feel a bit shit and lonely for a while, practice self-care, get confident again, then go again.

proper solid enjoyable chilled coupley weekend @Slothmomma, sounds awesome! Jel of the theatre trip

@SpringlikeBunk I'm still on the apps but none of my matches are talking and the chats I had have faded.
Work is rubbish and crazily busy so most days it means working unpaid overtime.
I'm also running my own event in December so between that, work, job hunting and fitting in my exercise I don't have much free time.
I might have a swiping session tonight but not holding out much hope of any matches

@FireandBrimstone

Goodness, such an active bunch, loads more connections, dates and updates since I last looked yesterday.

And adding mine to the list - last night was drinks and dinner with Mr Smiler who comes from out of town so was staying in a local hotel. Let's just say I'm very, very glad I did get the waxing appointment... 😏😊

So similar kinda question, manscaping, what do we think about that ?

@BelladiMamma I never really went for guys who were local as the awkwardness of bumping into them in Tesco or the gym if things didn't go as planned or they ghosted me would be awful. But I don't care with Mr Cricket, I think after almost 6 months it's safe to say he isn't one of those guys as he could have disappeared by now.

@JustAnother0ldMan manscaping non Merci

Totally silly isn't it given we love to wax and shave but blokes who are hairless through epilation - it has never worked for me

[quote Isitreallyme177]@BelladiMamma I never really went for guys who were local as the awkwardness of bumping into them in Tesco or the gym if things didn't go as planned or they ghosted me would be awful. But I don't care with Mr Cricket, I think after almost 6 months it's safe to say he isn't one of those guys as he could have disappeared by now.[/quote]
True! Still not sure I could handle it though 🙈

Its a ‘no’ from me to man-scaping… the smooth shiny look is a BIG turn-off!

Hello. I'm upset. I've been dumped! We'd only been dating for three months, but we got on so well. Like, just so well.

Well, I'd noted that he'd gone quiet for a few days, so when he messaged, I asked if all was okay. He sent a lengthy message saying that he thinks the distance is too far. That he'd been thinking about the long term implications, etc. But that he'd love to meet up to talk about it.

Anyway, long story short, we didn't meet up. It's just such a bolt out of the blue. I don't understand why he couldn't have called me, or met up with me, so that we could discuss, instead of sending the bombshell txt message.

It just hurts being dumped out of the blue. I thought everything was fine..

I’m not talking the full swimmer here, just a tidy up of the “man garden” so to speak…

@JustAnother0ldMan

I’m not talking the full swimmer here, just a tidy up of the “man garden” so to speak…

Still no

@Dumpee

Hello. I'm upset. I've been dumped! We'd only been dating for three months, but we got on so well. Like, just so well.

Well, I'd noted that he'd gone quiet for a few days, so when he messaged, I asked if all was okay. He sent a lengthy message saying that he thinks the distance is too far. That he'd been thinking about the long term implications, etc. But that he'd love to meet up to talk about it.

Anyway, long story short, we didn't meet up. It's just such a bolt out of the blue. I don't understand why he couldn't have called me, or met up with me, so that we could discuss, instead of sending the bombshell txt message.

It just hurts being dumped out of the blue. I thought everything was fine..

Awww sorry to hear this has happened to you

Didn't want to read and run and will write more later

Thank you to everyone who has posted about things yesterday (and in general) with Mr V. We had a chat again and he listens and responds pretty thoughtfully, although I do think he must be a bit tired of me raising the same concerns each time. We went for food and to the cinema and had a lovely evening. He left later than planned this morning as we overslept for him getting to meet his friend at the gym. I am actually really enjoying having the house to myself. I'm seeing my friend tonight for drinks and driving to see another friend tomorrow for lunch out.
In terms of where I think we are as a couple and the future, I think we both very much want to be in each other's life. He's not perfect but neither am I. I think sometimes I have expected too much and other times he's given too little. I have experienced a secure family life and a long marriage ( only ended by DH's illness) whereas his upbringing was somewhat challenging at times and his adult relationships focused around male friendship groups and caring for his mom. He's not had what I would call a long term, fully committed relationship, mostly by choice, so he lacks some understanding of what it takes to make that work.
When I stopped to think about what we had done in recent weeks it included a theatre trip, cinema, pub quizzes, meals out and him coming out of his way mid week when he was feeling rough with a cold to support my DD in a college work share. We also had a perfect night last weekend dancing in a great venue and I felt very lucky to be with him. I think I have said before that he's a good looking guy and at times my self esteem can be a bit shaky ( weight related ). But more than that I think I am just scared about falling for someone and it going pear shaped because losing my DH was the most difficult and traumatic thing I have had to face and accept. I'm not sure it will ever leave me fully, I guess anything deeply difficult will always leave it's mark. Thank you again, having this forum and outlet is so beneficial.

BelladiMamma, thanks

I've already had a follow up text telling me that he misses me. WTF

I'm not into playing games. You can dump me and you're entitled to miss me, but don't tell me the latter as it brings false hope.

Oh, and as for the LD thing, he lives just over 40 miles away so not timbuktu.. And, while, I appreciate that that's quite far for some people; he always knew the distance, seeing as he'd come up this way a couple of times.

@JustAnother0ldMan, I think the guys that I saw with a lot of manscaping going on made me suspicious that they were making an effort for an ulterior motive. I think if you've got Hagrid's beard going on down there it's generally unappealing - with both sexes- so maybe a light trim and tidy up would be good. But apart from that I genuinely don't give it much thought.
And to be blunt, if guys asked early doors on the apps about how shaved my bits were it was also a NO from me. #sorrynotsorry for saying 'bits' - my DDs go mad when I use the term here

@Dumpee, do you feel like you would like to meet to discuss it ? Did he seem authentic/the real deal on your dates ? Some guys do start to get flaky and send out mixed messages.

@Onesmallstep67
Thanks, if I hadn’t trimmed my actual beard for 50 years, it may well look like Hagrid, so I guess a trim of my other beard might not go amiss either.

Yes, he was authentic. Most definitely. This is why it came as a huge shock. And I could tell that he genuinely liked me.

I would love to meet him but only if he was going to tell me what I wanted to hear (which he won't, and fair enough).

I take rejection so harshly which is why I have not had a r'ship for over ten years.

@Dumpee, I’m of the mindset that if you feel something for someone and don’t want to let it slip away then tell him what you’re telling us. Belladimama is brilliant at wording messages but I would just say that you had been enjoying getting to know him and that this has taken you by surprise. Make it clear though that you are looking for something where both people are committed to finding out about each other so if that’s not where he’s at then suggest it might be best to put a stop to any further messaging.

[quote Onesmallstep67]**@Dumpee, I’m of the mindset that if you feel something for someone and don’t want to let it slip away then tell him what you’re telling us. Belladimama is brilliant at wording messages but I would just say that you had been enjoying getting to know him and that this has taken you by surprise. Make it clear though that you are looking for something where both people are committed to finding out about each other so if that’s not where he’s at then suggest it might be best to put a stop to any further messaging.[/quote]
I would just add that sometimes a voice note is better in these circumstances as a written message, when it's in sensitive circumstances, can often come across wrong