Dating thread 215 we are over here!!!

[BelladiMamma]

Ok folks new thread, hopefully everyone will find is!!

🙈

@Naimee87 Sorry - that was in jest. I have far too much on my plate already with the trains.

@HairyArsedMan ahhh you're a train spotter, or was this in jest too! Can't keep up with you and @JustAnother0ldMan and his joke about finding a woman with a good set of ladders! But you're both helping get me through the last meeting of the day/week!

To be fair I think we all have some little geeky interests @Naimee87 I like planes and helicopters and could quite happily sit and watch them take off and land. I cried a little when Concorde did her last flight, and I saw her take off for the last time. I made a point of going out and watching it but it used to fly over my house every day. I could at one point tell you whether a plane was a 737 or 747 etc.

I remember seeing two Apache helicopters flying over and standing in awe.

*must never mention this geeky interest to the dashing Mr Cricket who just so happens to fly planes.😬🤦‍♀️

I find trouble with being on this thread and Mumsnet in general is it's often funnier and cleverer than chatting with any irons!

so i'm looking at their messages like 😑

I've reverted to sending emojis of random kinds to MrWhatsApp. Not offensive or rude ones just things. But I can't really think of how to reply to "too many messages" either.

MrFey has not messaged - I think my judgement was right, he was kind of being a little bit cutesy and self-deprecating and eccentric

but maybe internally a little bit "SEX PEOPLE" - ie if I wasn't putting out early he was simply not interested.

I don’t often post about Mr V but I am feeling somewhat irritated today and just wanted to get a different perspective on things if anyone fancies chipping in?
For context we’re almost at the 2 yr mark although a bit of a wobble and lockdown one put things on hold until June last year.
We’ve been getting on really well generally. He’s easy going and has been very relaxed about being around my DDs - this is a big plus in my head as last RS I had he was way too overbearing with his manner around my girls.
To my frustration today.. Mr V booked a day off but didn’t tell me until yesterday when I was already committed today to getting my daughter onto a train south ( 16 first solo long trip, wanted to get her on safely from very busy station) So the plan became that Mr V would come over ASAP early afternoon and we would do something. Then that became he’d be here by 4pm because doing various things before he goes away tomorrow with his friends overnight. He’s just called about 20 mins ago to say leaving his by 5pm - traffic will be bonkers he has to cross city centre and passes hugely busy motorway junctions. My frustration is twofold. Firstly I don’t have an issue with him going away with friends but we never quite managed it ourselves over the summer despite me asking several times to organise something. His time keeping is terrible, always. He’s leaving mine very early to meet one of the mates at the gym - despite never bothering at other times to go. I have the house to myself for 3 days, the first time in forever and now it feels he’s squeezing in a visit but cutting it short and I’m unlikely to see him when he’s back on Sunday because he’ll be sorting himself out for work on Monday. I feel like I have become a bit of a nag and grumpy and I don’t want to be that person. I think I have said before I have lots more time on my hands than he does so his time to run his house and do his stuff is much less than mine. Sorry, this is just a brain dump to get it out of my head a bit before he gets here. Just to say I have said lots of times that I would like to make proper plans and it’s always met with yes .. but then it doesn’t change. I don’t think there’s any malice in his actions and I have been recently very impacted by horrible menopause symptoms including irrational crying which he has dealt with well and seems to not have impacted how he feels about me. I’m going to stop now and read back.

@SpringlikeBunk

I find trouble with being on this thread and Mumsnet in general is it's often funnier and cleverer than chatting with any irons!

so i'm looking at their messages like 😑

I've reverted to sending emojis of random kinds to MrWhatsApp. Not offensive or rude ones just things. But I can't really think of how to reply to "too many messages" either.

MrFey has not messaged - I think my judgement was right, he was kind of being a little bit cutesy and self-deprecating and eccentric

but maybe internally a little bit "SEX PEOPLE" - ie if I wasn't putting out early he was simply not interested.

If my irons don't do good comms ... well... they're generally out fairly quickly. I need stimulation and engagement otherwise I can't fancy someone... but for the moment I'm fairly blessed in that regard. I have some good comms going with the irons I have, we seem to have found something in common with all of them and we just riff on that. I'm quite happy at the moment 😊

@Onesmallstep67

I don’t often post about Mr V but I am feeling somewhat irritated today and just wanted to get a different perspective on things if anyone fancies chipping in? For context we’re almost at the 2 yr mark although a bit of a wobble and lockdown one put things on hold until June last year. We’ve been getting on really well generally. He’s easy going and has been very relaxed about being around my DDs - this is a big plus in my head as last RS I had he was way too overbearing with his manner around my girls. To my frustration today.. Mr V booked a day off but didn’t tell me until yesterday when I was already committed today to getting my daughter onto a train south ( 16 first solo long trip, wanted to get her on safely from very busy station) So the plan became that Mr V would come over ASAP early afternoon and we would do something. Then that became he’d be here by 4pm because doing various things before he goes away tomorrow with his friends overnight. He’s just called about 20 mins ago to say leaving his by 5pm - traffic will be bonkers he has to cross city centre and passes hugely busy motorway junctions. My frustration is twofold. Firstly I don’t have an issue with him going away with friends but we never quite managed it ourselves over the summer despite me asking several times to organise something. His time keeping is terrible, always. He’s leaving mine very early to meet one of the mates at the gym - despite never bothering at other times to go. I have the house to myself for 3 days, the first time in forever and now it feels he’s squeezing in a visit but cutting it short and I’m unlikely to see him when he’s back on Sunday because he’ll be sorting himself out for work on Monday. I feel like I have become a bit of a nag and grumpy and I don’t want to be that person. I think I have said before I have lots more time on my hands than he does so his time to run his house and do his stuff is much less than mine. Sorry, this is just a brain dump to get it out of my head a bit before he gets here. Just to say I have said lots of times that I would like to make proper plans and it’s always met with yes .. but then it doesn’t change. I don’t think there’s any malice in his actions and I have been recently very impacted by horrible menopause symptoms including irrational crying which he has dealt with well and seems to not have impacted how he feels about me. I’m going to stop now and read back.

Ugh that's a tricky one. Two years and you're still not in a routine as to how you organise your time together? Tiring ... but - is everything else ok? You're connected and trust each other and the time you spend together is good? ... if so then I'd try to put something in place to compromise and recognise your feelings around it. However small, a step towards helping to resolve it might make all the difference...?

@BelladiMamma, I think we are doing okay but he’s not as proactive or demonstrative as I would like. I do feel I am the one pushing things along. At times, in fact fairly often, I feel like I provide a lot of support and comfort to him, materially and emotionally and whilst he’s appreciative, it’s not reciprocated at the same level. On top of this he’s been experiencing some sexual problems and has taken some steps to address it but again with a much less proactive manner than I would. So sexually we’re not as connected as we should be. I have fallen for him and he is a good guy but the lack of urgency about most things in his life is definitely causing me to feel frustrated- and it’s leading me to question my feelings and needs. I’ve met a good guy and I have given it a lot of patience but am I getting enough in return?

[quote HairyArsedMan]@Naimee87 Sorry - that was in jest. I have far too much on my plate already with the trains.[/quote]
Ah yes Train Spotting, enjoyed by all middle aged men still living in their mums house and making model planes ( no offence to anyone who makes model planes )

@Isitreallyme177
My old man was in the airforce, I grew up and around planes and as a kid sat in an operational Vulcan, we lived near a Lighting/ Jaguar base so saw them a lot,
The is an army base near me some where so I get a lot of chinooks and Apaches flying over ( noisey buggers )

@Onesmallstep67
Don’t answer if you don’t want to, but is your partner suffering from ED ?

@JustAnother0ldMan there is a service station on the way to Scotland we used to stop at (Westmorland/Tebay) and you sometimes see the Typhoons, they're noisy.

@Onesmallstep67

IDK, it does seem a bit like you giving and giving and him being nice but the interaction is a bit draining/unbalanced? Is this something you're happier with long term? Do you think he might be more supportive at times given the right circumstances or is this a consistent thing?

@Onesmallstep67

That level of changing of plans, not prioritising you, and just being late would annoy me. I get it with MrWG but feel I can't complain as we are 'casual'. Though I have told him it annoys me.
It's the lack of respect, like your time isn't important, if you'd known he wasn't going to be there you could have gone and had coffee and cake with a friend, but no, you wait three hours for him to turn up - they think you're happy just pottering about waiting for them.

I think I'd expect more after two years in a 'proper' relationship. He's not likely to change though, is he? So you have to decide if it's a deal breaker.

I tend to get bratty in these situations and if they say they will be there at two, at three I go out, if they text and say they'll be there at four I reply well, I'm not in so see you when I get back. But you always feel you're cutting off your nose to spite your face when you do that!

(I think I've left a key out three times for MrWG just in case he got to mine before I got back from somewhere and not once has he had to use it!)

[quote Onesmallstep67]@BelladiMamma, I think we are doing okay but he’s not as proactive or demonstrative as I would like. I do feel I am the one pushing things along. At times, in fact fairly often, I feel like I provide a lot of support and comfort to him, materially and emotionally and whilst he’s appreciative, it’s not reciprocated at the same level. On top of this he’s been experiencing some sexual problems and has taken some steps to address it but again with a much less proactive manner than I would. So sexually we’re not as connected as we should be. I have fallen for him and he is a good guy but the lack of urgency about most things in his life is definitely causing me to feel frustrated- and it’s leading me to question my feelings and needs. I’ve met a good guy and I have given it a lot of patience but am I getting enough in return?[/quote]
I did wonder, when you posted about punctuality, if there was something else. Sometimes those 'little things' become big things because of the general direction of things.

I guess maybe you need to figure out what he brings it you and your life, if he just stayed exactly the way he is now? Often late, not a great sexual connection anymore, you giving more than you're receiving ...

I'm not suggesting you throw the baby out with the bath water. I'm just suggesting it as an intellectual exercise, so that if you throw everything at it to revive it, but he doesn't change, you'll know where your feelings are.

@Onesmallstep67 sorry you're feeling this way, you seem like such a lovely person. Which is maybe why he thinks it’s ok to be doing the things hes doing? Maybe he doesn't realise? It would be nice to be more of a priority wouldn’t it, sounds like he's got a bit too comfortable? Hugs x

I feel I need a roll call:

RL:
MrWG - we all know this one, not seen him for three weeks, comms sporadic but a bit better this week as he's been away and he sends me photos when he's away. I've told him to find some time and he's suggested 6/7th, he's then also said he might come to my sister's mid Nov with me (she won't be there - this was always the plan but then he had an operation scheduled so it's still slightly in the air depending how his recovery is going).

MrStone - I have backed right off. He called Wed pm, I didn't pick up, left a VM asking if I wanted him to bring me fish and chips, I called later and luckily was too late. Tentative plans to meet for dinner next Wed though he did try to turn this to 'or I could bring a take away over' which I said no to. I think at this meal I need to lay it on the line - friends only.

MrConsultant, no feelings at all from my side, he's followed up with a few messages and sent his phone number but I've not taken him up on it, I did reply to them.

From Feeld:

MrIdunno - on WA, wants to meet, wants someone for sex and traveling, is fifteen years younger than me. Have put him off.

MrENM - have told him I don't see married guys despite ENM. Has suggested we meet for coffee and a chat anyway (prob won't as he's in London)

MrCuck - wants to have a LT partner who has a lover, this could fit really well with MrWG :) but he's also a lot younger, but he's really chatty and quite nice so I might meet up with him just to see how I feel.

MrOlder - not very old, pretty much asked my name and 'do you want to meet up', I said no, I usually get to know someone a bit before I meet.

MrRed - this guy is quite cool actually. 10 years younger but good job, interesting, actually exchanges messages that are funny and dry, hasn't yet said anything daft, wants a phone call Sunday. (is also 6'2"!)

MrNaughty, he seems OK too, about my age, fairly close, might meet if he suggests it.

MrDull - asks about sex all the time, feel like I'm being interviewed, no connection, ten years younger and pretty tedious.

MyCycle - another London one so not much point meeting up, seems OK, bit dull.

MrTooYoung - 25. Lol!

MrDom - not my type, don't want a dom, but interesting to chat to and might meet to talk kink

Another one I can't think of a name for who chatted nicely for ages and now gone quiet. And another similar but his chat was mainly ooermissus aren't you up for it.

(I won't know who is who frim these names)

Then one guy on Tinder who says 'hi, how are you' every other day. I'm ignoring. Ignoring all my Tinder contacts now as they seem to expect me to entertain them or something.

Not feeling up to it currently, have a hormonal headache I can't get rid of.

Bloody hell @VanGoghsDog literally how do you manage all of those chats 🤣🤣
First Prize for being the biggest flirt 😆

LOL @VanGoghsDog
you win this week!

but i do get where you're coming from - so many chats and matches just fizzle out so there's an argument for just "getting loads" and you know only 1-2 will come through

My roll call:

• Al Pacino at the gym, who I think is kinda hot, never had a conversation
• nice looking guy in my art class, never had a conversation. They are probably both unaware I exist

That is all
😬

Thank you everyone for your lovely, supportive and thoughtful words. He’s here and we have had a chat. I’ve been really honest and got the same reassuring responses from him. I will respond to some of your questions and thoughts tomorrow. X

@Shayelle2009

My roll call:

• Al Pacino at the gym, who I think is kinda hot, never had a conversation
• nice looking guy in my art class, never had a conversation. They are probably both unaware I exist

That is all
😬

That in itself is an achievement though - cos you don't want to be on the apps you haven't got all these bloody randoms on your phone. I seriously think I'm going to go through a load of contacts whilst I'm Here and delete them all!!

onesmall I would feel the same as you. If you're not a priority after 2 years, what are you? Convenient? I don't think having a conversation about where you're both at in your relationship is anything other than sensible at this stage. But scary... you've got a decent guy, you don't want to lose him... but have you really got him? In the sense that you're each other's top priority and he considers you when making plans?

My roll call: Mr Gardener sent a message saying he'd like to meet up but has a lot going on at the moment.

The end.

Now gearing up to go out in the cold dark night to meet friends and listen to live music.

@Shayelle2009 I hear you 🤣. My roll call Mr Cricket -away until tomorrow but going through a 'quiet' period(I do know what is going on at least). Although as he is also quiet at work he might actually be around to do something when he gets back.