Dating thread 215 we are over here!!!

[BelladiMamma]

Ok folks new thread, hopefully everyone will find is!!

@springlikebunk fab update on the date 😁

My age settings were 5 below and 5 above. I'm mid 40s. Mr M is nearly 50 but physically fit and probably looks a little younger - but older suits me better as his kids are older, he's got his life in order and plenty of experiences to chat about. Seeing him tonight for a meal and can't wait 😊

I found the age thing very difficult. Most men my age do seem very much older physically for some reason...perhaps Im in denial about what i look like though. and yes they often have young children too

@Shayelle2009 oh no about the tooth?! Those can be such a nightmare.

Feeld just strikes me as a fancier fab. Loads of likes but I got bored very quickly. Men are there for sex and I'm not so just wasting peoples time there. This was my experience but I'm sure others have had better ones.

@SpringlikeBunk he sounds really lovely (this is Mr Hedgehog?). The government advising thing is extremely swoonsome.

[quote Shayelle2009]@SpringlikeBunk 😍😍

@BelladiMamma are you on holiday sweet? Hope its lovely 💗💗[/quote]
I'm on holiday but goddamn gotta keep up with the thread 🤣✈️☀️

@SpringlikeBunk

No he was perfect .

Rooftop restaurant, little bit of making out in the bar.

He is literally the best skilled guy with his hands I have ever met.

We kissed all the way back to the train station (he came to my city).

But then he got all European and conscientious and was apologising in case he’d “gone too far”

(I’m older than him and the chances are I’ve probably had about ten times more experience than him 😅)

Yay!!! So pleased it's a positive update

@BelladiMamma

This thread has emotionally sustained me through a lot of lockdown loneliness! Have a cocktail for me

[quote SpringlikeBunk]@BelladiMamma

This thread has emotionally sustained me through a lot of lockdown loneliness! Have a cocktail for me [/quote]
Sending you healing travel vibes ♥️

It's been bloody great this thread. I have a cousin I confide in with the dating stuff, she knows the name and face of every guy I've dated or chatted with, it's partly a safety thing partly because she is one of my closest family members and she can handle the info. However she was very lucky and 'escaped' her abusive marriage by getting together with her builder and didn't have to navigate OLD. So whenever I meet someone she thinks 'this is it, this the one Bella' and takes it all at face value, whereas with this thread we all know that you can't.

However I do still try to be authentic with all my dates despite how jaded I might be! And the thread also helps with that.

I mean even with MrBear she was totally invested, almost more so than me.

Like the thread has taught me that, for example, even though MrActor is still messaging me regularly and we are going to see each other very briefly in mid November as I'm coming to see his show ... it's all BS and like me he could have multiple chats going. My cousin has listened to the voice notes too 🙉 because I needed her to stop getting so excited about it. And she was like, oh yeah, he fancies you but he's talking to you like a mate ... yeah don't get too invested ... which was a relief but I wouldn't have already worked that out if it wasn't for the wisdom on this thread!! You feel so much less alone with it all. And it's given me the confidence to multi date which is really what I need to be doing at the moment, I need and want intimate company but I don't need or want one relationship. The idea of 'having all my eggs in one basket' is kinda terrifying.

I remember in my 20's I was actually in quite a good place emotionally. I'd had a break up with the love of my life and then had 3 lovers that I would alternate between. I was living in a different city, as were they, and it just kind of worked. I wasn't hiding anything from anyone, I think one night two of them were my plus ones for a party but everyone seemed to be cool with it. I'm still close friends with one of them. So that's kind of the vibe I would like to get back to again. Let's see how it works out ...

@BelladiMamma

Yes app culture now is so different to that of people who met a partner through mates at uni isn't it?

I think the same "types" have been around for ages - installing Tinder doesn't turn a decent person into an arsehole. And you meet manipulative horrible people in all walks of life.

And you get the same "situations" you have to deal with maturely as IRL- not hurting others feelings but protecting your own, setting boundaries, letting go emotionally but also not getting overinvested, knowing "when to settle and when to aim a bit higher".

But the technology means multi-dating and possible options are accessible to everyone "instantly" and I think that changes the recipe for dating a LOT.

This post from another thread was great and I think works well even if one isn't looking to marry from Tinder?

"Gilda152 Wed 20-Oct-21 15:37:05
So this is a self control problem not necessarily an app problem. which I don't think you'll be by any means alone in.

My advice as a 'married because of Tinder' person is this (for what it's worth)

1/ These men are STRANGERS to you until you're well into an exclusive relationship - I'd say at least 6 months plus - until then treat them with wary curiosity and keep your eggs firmly away from their basket
2/ Dates are supposed to be social interactions, not contracts - keep it light hearted EVEN if you have sex - sex again is not a contract - it's just an enjoyable (hopefully!) shared experience between two consenting adults
3/ Say 'Yes' lots , you might meet lots of interesting, attractive people and some not so much but so what? Life is an experience and everything shouldn't be a goal
4/ You're not a prize and neither is he (I hate that saying!!) you're just two people looking for something you may or may not find in each other - if you don't respectfully move on, if they don't respectfully leave them alone and wish them well
5/ Dress up, feel fabulous and enjoy dating. Even if the date is a flop at least you'll look amazing - get lots of hot selfies and show your friends so they can big you up!!
6/ DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT get obsessed with texting. Particularly the good morning/night texts (eyeroll) You lived quite well without Roger the trucker sending you sexy eyes at 7.15am before you matched and your life DOES NOT depend on it now. You're a grown woman with stuff to do!!

Most of all, enjoy the highs, take the knocks and you may just get lucky once you relax and go with the flow - it worked for me - Good luck!!"

@BelladiMamma

Ooh sea. Hot enough to paddle/swim?

Interesting updates re ages, so it’s not me that has those issues.
I spotted something about people who like trains, when I used to work in London a lot I remember seeing the train spotters on the platforms at Euston, odd lot, as for not driving, okay in A big city, but a deal breaker in the sticks

I had a message from the person I meeting up with a the wedding in a couple of weeks, she said she is looking fwd to “hooking up again” !

Nothing to do with dating, but I’ve got my associate going for his test today, not sure who is more nervous me or him as he is my 1st associate!

@JustAnother0ldMan you get plane spotters too, also people hang around the Harry Stobart depots for the same reason. Harry Stobart has a massive following of truck spotters.

Eddie Stobart

(Giving my hobby away here)

[quote Isitreallyme177]@JustAnother0ldMan you get plane spotters too, also people hang around the Harry Stobart depots for the same reason. Harry Stobart has a massive following of truck spotters.[/quote]
OMG, you have seen one truck 🛻, you have seen ‘em all, I guess they are looking for the names.

Does the conversation go like this.
bloke 1. “ and what are you doing tonight “
Bloke 2 “ I’m going to waiting for Mavis outside the Harry Stobart depot”
Bloke 1 “oh, hot date”
Bloke 2 “ no mate, it’s a lorry “

Jeez 🙄

@HairyArsedMan

Eddie Stobart

(Giving my hobby away here)

Nnoooooooooo

Arf @HairyArsedMan and @JustAnother0ldMan and @Isitreallyme177

@HairyArsedMan where did I get Harry from 🤦‍♀️ of course its Eddie I see them all the time

[quote SpringlikeBunk]@BelladiMamma

Ooh sea. Hot enough to paddle/swim?[/quote]
Yes but rocky beaches so we are sticking to the pools at the hotel

@JustAnother0ldMan each cab has a number and a name (almost always two girl's name). They even run competitions to name them.

There was a programme on TV about them a few years back.

@SpringlikeBunk love that from the other thread would you mind sticking up the link here?

I guess I'm also trying to 'find myself' again. Cliche but true - I do actually know who I am but I need to shed all the years of not being myself, except rarely, to get back to me (yup another cliche). And the last time I was truly myself I was in and out of spending time and being intimate with 3 different creatives over a 3 year+ period. They were doing the same. But there was no concept of 'dating' as such, it was more like, ok we've chosen to spend the next few weeks together because we are in the same city, and we will part ways and not ask questions - just look forward to seeing each other again when the time is right.

The idea of settling down and marriage wasn't on the cards at all. Then my exh turned up and acted like he would die u less i promised myself to him. Strange that I went for it really but I did want children and I knows children weren't on the cards with any of the other guys. One of them did have children but never lived with his partner and then he died quite young. Which was just awful, and his partner is now very much 'the widow of ...' and I think she's had a really hard time of it.

Anyway. All just a long winded way of saying life's complicated and I'm not throwing all eggs at one guy at all anymore and I'm totally owning that choice now, even if I didn't before. 😊

[quote Isitreallyme177]@JustAnother0ldMan each cab has a number and a name (almost always two girl's name). They even run competitions to name them.

There was a programme on TV about them a few years back.[/quote]
No way !

I'm a Norbert groupie myself, far more sophisticated.

@BelladiMamma it sounds and looks like absolute bliss! I am 1000000% going away next year!!

@HairyArsedMan are you a truck spotter?... this is my hobby although where i live (not the UK) we have other really cool companies whose trucks are amazing to spot! However if you're all joking then you can ignore this comment. Just couldn't resist as i'm truck obssessed! (but do have the license so can do more than just 'spot' them)