Dating thread 215 we are over here!!!

[BelladiMamma]

Ok folks new thread, hopefully everyone will find is!!

@VanGoghsDog how can I see who has pinged me on Feeld? It said X and y etc have but when I went there, it disappeared

@Alexandradream
On another note, to all those regular posters, thank you from a regular reader.. I’ve learnt so much from you all… I might be 52 but in dating terms I’m a novice, so thank you all!

52 sounds like a great age to be, so much so that I will be reaching that great age in 8.5 days!.
I’m not a dating “novice”, but it does definitely feel like it has been a few years since had to date so it’s all changed so I’m way out of league really and the ladies on this thread are all Champions 🥇

[quote Eesha]@VanGoghsDog how can I see who has pinged me on Feeld? It said X and y etc have but when I went there, it disappeared[/quote]
I don't think you can unless you pay.

If they "connect" you can. So I ignore pings.

@VanGoghsDog I'm trying it now! Definitely nice chat though I've been upfront about just being nosey

@JustAnother0ldMan…. 52 isn’t bad to be fair… in my head I’m still 28 and sometimes shocked that I’m responsible for 4 teenagers, a house and a full time job. But in spite of being a generally astute, smart woman, dating now is very different and I just didn’t understand the new rules! I’ve learnt so much on this thread, date zero and it not being real until it happens. I’m very understanding and realise the value of compromise in a relationship but a relationship is what I’d like and I’m not prepared to compromise on that! I’ve met and chatted to a number of men, but they by and large have turned out to be disingenuous and very much focused on ‘when’s the sex going to happen’ , since my separation I’ve had FWB and one night stands so I’ve no objection to casual or first date sex, but with the men Ive chatted to or met although they say they want the same thing, the reality is they don’t. Even though I live near a big city by Irish terms there seems to be a small pool of men of the age I want, and by comparison the pool of women of my age seems huge so I think they have the ‘sweet shop’ mentality, that’s why I asked if there was any Irish mumsnetters here and which sites they found good. There’s not really mumsnet comparable site in Ireland . I’ll definitely continue reading the wiser posters than me and maybe if the elusive man appears I’ll join in with my vey own iron!

@Alexandradream I’m in Ireland about an hour from Dublin and the site I’ve got on best with is the scary one - Tinder! I was on pof and that’s a far more scary place because you get inundated with messages with no matching required. I enjoyed the flirty chats there with some people (and had a laugh about some of weirdness!) and I think of it as a training ground for OLD as I was never on a date in my life before last year

I am currently seeing a lovely man I met on Tinder who is not a flake, not dishonest, looks nice, solvent, has a life outside of us and seems to be crazy about me so I am off Apps to see how it all goes -but 2 months in and I’m smitten😍
I’m 48 btw. Good luck with it all

Glad @Isitreallyme177 that you felt the same way about it.. not glad it made you feel rubbish, but just that it wasn’t something wrong with me, or that I wasn’t good enough. Been off them for ages now and couldn’t ever envisage feeling like I’ll go back on. Which is a relief ☺️

@MayEye… thank you, and yes Tinder in my head is a scary place so have never used it, I might just bite the bullet and give it a go! As I say, I’ve gone through everyone on Bumble! I did meet and was involved with a man from match for about a year and a half but right now I don’t want to waste money, I’m mid divorce and will be in a very different place financially once it’s done so free sites are they way for me! I wish you every joy with your new man. Thank you

@Alexandradream
Very nice to virtually meet you, and read your post, as an (almost), same age man your view point is very interesting, I’ve not really dated much since my 30’s so have the same issues as yourself.
. I’ve had some sex as well ( very nice), but I find myself dating mostly divorced women, for whom I’m sometimes struggling to see what I can offer, some have better jobs / careers than me and seem so sorted in their lives it makes me wonder where a man would fit in.
The other thing that has suddenly happened, is the realisation that I might have to step into tge ‘step father’ role at some point.
One lady I was chatting to had an 18 year old at Uni and 50/50 custody oh her 13yr old , things I have simply never had to consider before.

@JustAnother0ldMan I get it, I’ve 4 teenagers and while they have a great dad they do tie me somewhat and like all kids throw the odd curveball. I was the person that called time on the marriage and while they understand why, they really struggle with the changes to their life, and they really don’t like the fact I’m dating again. The Irish mammy guilt is strong but I’m learning from this thread that it’s ok to move on with my life. The one thing I don’t want is a step dad for my kids, and I had to return to the work force after 15 years at home so in effect I started at an entry level but I absolutely don’t want any man to ever provide for me again. Dating and even just meeting people at this age comes with so much baggage it didn’t have 25 years ago but I know that I’m wiser because of it too so it’s not all bad!

@JustAnother0ldMan it’s interesting to read a man’s thoughts on dating.. when you say about how a lot of women seem so sorted and what would you have to offer.. I think a lot of the time it’s companionship, doing even simple things and being happy, making each other laugh, someone to go away with things, like that? It’s not really about material things just more experiencing things together?

I think a lot of the time it’s companionship, doing even simple things and being happy, making each other laugh, someone to go away with things, like that? It’s not really about material things just more experiencing things together?

That’s exactly all I want - not a step father, provider, live in partner but someone I can share my life outside of all that with - so far Mr L is fitting the bill.

@Alexandradream my situation sounds very similar to yours , I ended things wouldn’t try again and my teens have struggled hugely but I think they are seeing I am entitled to a life in my own right now too- the mammy guilt is huge and I was going to call time on dating Mr L before it even got going because of it but I’m glad I didn’t.

I don't have kids but I’d imagine mums could get pretty peed off about a man trying to fit into a stepdad role? At least not for a very long time anyway 🙂

@Shayelle2009 I can't imagine going back on them either. They obviously work for some just not me.

And yes it's companionship I want, someone to go to the cinema with (yes Mr Cricket made my night asking me to the cinema, it felt nice to do something like that), someone to go for coffee with (again it is something I do with Mr Cricket), someone to go for walks with (I like going on my own but sometimes company would be nice), someone there when the shit happens. Someone to be my plus one at these bloody weddings next year. Oh and someone for spider duties (yes Mr Cricket knows he is on that when he moves 🤣).

@Shayelle2009
I wasn’t referring to material things, it’s more about, where would a man “fit in” , I’m not sure I can really explain this in words.

In my example above with the women with 2 kids, she had a great job, big circle of friends, hobbies great life, etc, now admittedly we did meet via an OLD site so was looking for some thing / someone , we chatted for a bit, then had a call and TBH we both agreed we lived too far apart to really go forward, but I got off the phone from her and sat and thought for some time about what would I actually bring to add to enrich her life, and couldn’t think of a damn thing

Companionship : she had a dog for that.
Love : gets that from her kids
Fun: gets that from her friends
sex; I do have a Penis, (but I understand replacements are available)

Was one of lowest times of my recent life, and did kinda make me wonder why any woman over about 40 would ever really want/ need a man ?

@JustAnother0ldMan I have a cat but not sure I could take her to the cinema though. She wouldn't sit still or fall asleep and start snoring (oh wait a minute that was what my ex did 🤣).

I want someone to share my life with, the ups and downs, the highs and lows. Yes you can get that from friends and family but it isn't the same.

@JustAnother0ldMan not all women over 40s have those things!!

I'm 37 - I get a bit of companionship from my cats, but nothing like coming home to or with someone, cooking a meal together, chatting throughout the day, being emotionally close

You can have fun and companionship with friends but it's usually more surface level / you rely less on one person. So a relationship gives you this sense of constancy and like someone is 100% there for you (in a way that friends can't do all the time)

I don't have kids but I can guarantee they give a very different kind of love to a man!

On the penis side, tbh for most women more important is having someone that tries to understand her particular wants and needs in the bedroom. Most men watch porn and think that's what feels nice. It doesn't. If you want to give a woman an unforgettable time, read 'She Comes First' from cover to cover and put it into practice. omgyes is also an amazing website which covers a wide range of fun techniques you can try - none of them penisr-related! Honestly, even if you only do 20% of the stuff, you will be in another universe to most men out there.

Argh MrFey asked me over tonight and I have another date zero

What do people think about a 46 year old man who brings up that he had sex with a 6ft 21 year old in Berlin when he was 40?

We got chatting about Berlin, I said I loved the naked spas, he said it was a 'sexy and authentic city'. I asked him what he meant by that as thought it sounded a bit wanky. Then he said the thing about the 21 year old. I said I couldn't do that as i'd feel like I was shagging a child. He said 'maybe the fact that she was 6ft evened it out' which was presumably a joke but still, but weird for a first chat right?

Almost like he's trying to seem cool? He wants to meet and I'm not sure. He's not particularly attractive but does want kids...and I'm trying to be more open minded.

@SpringlikeBunk how many guys are you chatting to at the moment and how many date zeros are you doing a week? I'm struggling to fit in even one at the mo...let alone one proper date with Mr Cartoon and a date zero aswell. Chats I've probs got about 4 on the go but they're also dying off because I can't keep up with it all and work?!

Interesting debate about what a man brings to a sorted woman in her 50s. For me (at 55 when I started on OLD) I just wanted laughter, dinner, sex and holidays, in no particular order, from a new man. I’ve found also that he brings me emotional support (for my parenting of young adults and daughtering of an elderly DF) that I didn’t realise I even needed. He sometimes struggles with not actually acting as a dad to my DC, because he has the tools for that role as he has his own DC, but I need only his counsel, not his active involvement, re them so that’s been a learning curve for all of us.

@StartingAgain33

What do people think about a 46 year old man who brings up that he had sex with a 6ft 21 year old in Berlin when he was 40?

We got chatting about Berlin, I said I loved the naked spas, he said it was a 'sexy and authentic city'. I asked him what he meant by that as thought it sounded a bit wanky. Then he said the thing about the 21 year old. I said I couldn't do that as i'd feel like I was shagging a child. He said 'maybe the fact that she was 6ft evened it out' which was presumably a joke but still, but weird for a first chat right?

Almost like he's trying to seem cool? He wants to meet and I'm not sure. He's not particularly attractive but does want kids...and I'm trying to be more open minded.

Sorry, but it would be a no from me. Too early to talk about who he's had sex with and sounds boasty. And boring. Chuck him back in 😁

Feel a bit more chilled about MrFey now - I think he probably does like ""quick intimacy"

There's not many "friendly chatty daily" messages whereas there were before, and he was moving quite fast?

So he's been clear on his goals, I can set my boundary and retreat a bit?

(the suggesting meeting lots soon was a bit love bomby - a very good looking guy in a big city, is in a band out of work, I think the fey/chatty/innocent thing is a bit deceptive?)

@JustAnother0ldMan I'm reasonably successful, solvent, have wonderful kids, a good job. I would like a partner to spend quality time with on the weekends, someone to check in with me be it good or bad days, someone for that physical side, and exclusive so much more than just a friend I would say. Its just nice having the chance to share your life with someone. Most of my friends are successful in that respect but a partner just gives more of that emotional support to them and vice versa.