Dating thread 215 we are over here!!!

[BelladiMamma]

Ok folks new thread, hopefully everyone will find is!!

Morning all. Thanks for asking after me - I've no doubt Mr Scot will respect no contact, it's me who'll have trouble... Night out was okay but pretty dead and the music wasn't quite what we expected or my thing. But it was fun to get out.

I'm determined to spend less time feeling sad about him today but it's quite frankly ridiculous how upset by this I am. My mind keeps going to whether he did the things he did with me, with her. And I keep seeing reminders of what we did together. Which is crazy right?! This time last month I didn't know he existed! So I'm concluding it's the cumulative effect of lots of intense encounters. But I am really thinking about him :( I know it'll lessen. Looking forward to the gig tonight too. Even if I am going alone!

@JustAnother0ldMan it's very early to be asking that question so I'd be a bit concerned about her boundaries and general social awareness!

As for the ethically non monogamous, I've had a date with someone who defines themselves as that, but from the little I gleaned it was a self protective strategy so that he didn't get hurt (again) - a way of distancing.

I’ve been lurking (used to be @tigerdater, @thistooshallbefantastic). I just couldn’t resist jumping in on the question asked of @JustAnother0ldMan - assuming it was not a swinging app/site, it was just plain rude, in my opinion, and that counts for so much. Basically, if someone says or asks something that ruffles your feathers, move on, there’s no compatibility there. One person’s ‘refreshingly upfront’ is another person’s ‘presumptuous and disrespectful’.

(Still very loved up here with Mr GN from Fabswingers, btw, 2 years 9 months in.)

Hi all, I'm starting to try the apps after over 18 months not bothering with men. I joined Bumble. What other sites do you use? Have tried PoF before and suppose it was ok.

Thanks all, I like sex as much as the next person, but yeah, I thought it was a bit blunt to say the least…
And no I don’t have any performance issues at my age, but hardly the kinda question you would ask a stranger in boozer ..

@JustThisLastLittleBit Hey👋
Glad to see you are still loved up wirh Mr GN.
I think last time you posted he was staying with you 4 days a week and contributing to your bills. Do you still do this or are you now living together?

Do you think many women put searching for ethically non monogamous on their profiles? I wouldn't know as never see women’s profiles. If I was swiping I wouldn't swipe right as personally wouldn’t want to meet someone who sleeps around.

@Isitreallyme177 did you see any stags?

My gym class was good. There is a guy in there that reminds me of Al Pacino. ☺️ He is quite slight, dusky looking, I think foreign, not a big guy but by god he can lift some metal. There’s something about him that I find intriguing. But then I love Al Pacino too so that may be why. 😬

@JustAnother0ldMan if I had a dick, id have probably replied that it would always remain soft in her presence lol. So she would subsequently be a no from me. 😬

@SortingItOut hi - no change in living arrangements here, its a 3 or 4 day bubble each week then 3 or 4 days off to miss each other! Works perfectly for me, he wants more but is prepared to wait. His absolute steadfastness is unbelievably refreshing to me, plus his willingness to adapt (now showering regularly, people!). He’s not perfect, never will be, and accepts that I’m not either. My unavailable heart thaws just a bit more every month or so. And the sex, at 58 (me) and 52 (him) gets better and better too.

So I did a little detour (well took the other way home) on my way back from my walk. Had a little nosey at Mr Cricket's new home. From the outside it looks really nice, like a little woodcutters cottage. Makes me think of Christmas and fairy tales. I'm looking forward to my invitation to the house warming 😬🤣.

@Shayelle2009 yes there were a couple of stags one was busy showing off, as soon as he started calling all the females came running, so they were obviously his harem. I stood and watched for about 20 minutes. Nature is a wonderful thing.

[quote Shayelle2009]@JustAnother0ldMan if I had a dick, id have probably replied that it would always remain soft in her presence lol. So she would subsequently be a no from me. 😬[/quote]
This ^

I mean why even ask the question before knowing if you want to shag each other? Which you can never know before you've met ...

@JustThisLastLittleBit Sounds like a great relationship (and great that he's showering😂)

Do you think you will ever want more than the 3/4 day thing?

How lovely that your unavailable heart is thawing gradually ❄

I just don’t know @SortingItOut, I literally flip flop about it all the time! I love my ‘time off’ to mess around with friends and family, and I love my ‘time on’ to just focus on loving him. I don’t like to mix it, that’s for sure, but I don’t know what that reluctance means…

@JustThisLastLittleBit I think it means you're content in your relationship and you don't need to live with him.
I'm all for LAT (Living Apart Together).

I can't remember if you've got a fairly even split on income and assets as I think that would play a big part in any decision.

@Isitreallyme177 yes I absolutely love nature. It never fails to make me feel happy. I love this time of year too. It’s so cosy, and all beautiful colours outside, all the leaves, berries, mushrooms. 🧡

Some of the colours were amazing this morning @Shayelle2009 I think in a couple of weeks there will be even more reds and oranges. 🍁🍂 my feet are killing me though an 8 mile walk without sitting down. I do hope Mr Cricket is ready for these walks that he seems intent on joining me on.🤣

@JustAnother0ldMan wondering if the woman you were chatting to is younger than you? It is an odd question to ask a virtual stranger.

Perhaps she's had a frustrating or disappointing experience and wants to avoid it happening again. However her inability to grasp the fact that not all human brings are the same would turn me off her.

If I was asked that question myself (as an almost 50 year old woman) my response would be something along the lines of as you're never going to find out - goodbye 👋

Hmm currently he’s on about 2/3 of my income and assets but he has longer to go in the workforce than me as he’s younger. Every bone in my financial body screams ‘no’ at mixing finances though, so I suspect continued LAT is indeed what we’ll stick at. Thanks @SortingItOut, you’re the best!

[quote JustThisLastLittleBit]@SortingItOut hi - no change in living arrangements here, its a 3 or 4 day bubble each week then 3 or 4 days off to miss each other! Works perfectly for me, he wants more but is prepared to wait. His absolute steadfastness is unbelievably refreshing to me, plus his willingness to adapt (now showering regularly, people!). He’s not perfect, never will be, and accepts that I’m not either. My unavailable heart thaws just a bit more every month or so. And the sex, at 58 (me) and 52 (him) gets better and better too.[/quote]
I would love this. Sounds bloody perfect and congratulations to you on finding it

@Shayelle2009 and @Isitreallyme177 i was just out for a pug walk and i love autumn its sooo pretty! We live in the countryside and i feel very lucky! @JustAnother0ldMan that's really presumptuous and forward. Did you reply? were you attracted to her and wanting to meet? I think speaking for myself sex chat should come after you've met and when both of you feel there's a spark or chemistry there. But i'm pretty backwards with all that, a lot lot more reserved than some posters on here. I've learnt a lot from all of you...

@JustThisLastLittleBit Having been lucky to keep everything of mine in my divorce I'm loathe to risk it again.
I think too often women put themselves in precarious situations in the name of love when actually mixing finances doesn't mean you love them more than if you don't mix finances.

I think the 3/4 day thing sounds just perfect and works for you both so why change it.

I went out last night, it was so nice to be surrounded by friends who love and care for me and to not have to worry about dating.

Got a couple of chats happening no dates on the horizon just yet. One was suggested for next week but I've not heard from him since.

It’s not only women who get blinded by love into precarious situations financially - my widowed DB at 60 is currently taking a lot of financial risks for luurrve. I just can’t see myself ever feeling that strongly about anything again (except my DC of course). I half admire him, half want to shake him!

@JustThisLastLittleBit Wow, you must be quite worried about him.

I wish I was one of those who could throw caution to the wind but I've read too many horror stories on here🙄😂

I've never really thought about the financial side. I would however protect my assets like I did when I bought my first flat with my ex, up until we got married and moved I would have walked away with what I put in plus equity. I would expect any man I'm in a relationship with to do the same. I probably wouldn't sell my flat either. It's the one thing my Dad was pissed off about when my ex and I split up, that I didn't get my money plus equity back and my ex walked away with more than he put in. Marriage and moving made the deeds of trust null and void.

I honestly think the Mumsnet Relationships board should be compulsory reading for everyone. It truly opens your eyes, to things like financial abuse in particular.