Dating thread 215 we are over here!!!

[BelladiMamma]

Ok folks new thread, hopefully everyone will find is!!

@JustThisLastLittleBit Absolutely. It meant I heard about the Freedom Programme too and went along IRL, then during covid joined in on Zoom. The FP really lays it all out.

@JustThisLastLittleBit I do too. I also wish I hadn't been quite so naive in thinking marriage would make my relationship better. If just one person can learn from my mistakes then that's good.

I’ve probably missed a few questions along the way, but was it sexy chat, no just rubbish chit chat with that line Chucked in,
I think @Languidleopard may have got, maybe she had some experiences with old men and was checking?, maybe sex is important to her ?
I think it was just the bluntness that made me check in here and verify it’s not normal

We also swapped email address (just used a Chuck away gmail acc), and she sent this lovely email this morning talking about herself and what she was looking for along with 2 nice profile pics and One virtual topless one (female equivalent of a dick pic ?, do women do this)
She is 47 , so only 4 years younger then me.

Fucking ‘ell I can really pick’em somehow.

And it encourages you to be clear from the word go about what you need and expect from your partner, not just what you can give to them.

@JustAnother0ldMan

She sounds a bit "intense", you're feeling uncomfortable, I'd just unmatch or block or however you prefer to detach easily. I've learned if someone is making me uncomfortable/pushy/poor social skills to just detach/disappear asap.

(who knows what her motivation is @JustAnother0ldMan but I'd also be worried about "scammer" potential if she's trying to get into the sex talk straight away!)

Just an update from me re Ms Fudge Duet, although most of you I imagine won't remember my post as it was a while ago. Mainly I was feeling the advantages of not messaging too much and not feeling over-invested. So a couple of months on seen each other a few times and had a mini-break one weekend, all been very lovely and the way we've discussed things seems like things were going well. Despite the fact that we don't message that much it has been consistently every day, even just one. But...... the last week I'm wondering if I've noticed a waning of interest after seeing her 2 weeks ago. We haven't texted at all for the last couple of days although respective weekends are busy. What to do? I'm wondering if to wonder if I'm getting the slow fade. Would tomorrow to be too soon to write a note asking if I'm detecting a shift in attitude? And how to phrase it without coming across as passive-aggressive. Am also aware that having had the slow fade before, I might be overthinking it. I'm long of the opinion that OLD dating and the consequent whatsapp relationships don't really work because too many folks communicate their feelings by the frequency and tone of texts rather than describing them directly. Quite pessimistic about OLD but this time I thought it might be different. Sigh.

@JustAnother0ldMan - agree with @SpringlikeBunk, could be a scammer of some sort. Sending nearly nude pics is pretty weird, from a woman anyway.

Hi all, just wondering… what do people think about dating more than one man after you’ve slept with one of them? I sort of accidentally slept with a guy on date 2 and it was good and he’s continuing to text but I don’t want to get too invested as I need to check where he is on the kids timeline stuff properly. Considering starting chats with other guys abs maybe going for a coffee or two spread my interest a bit as can feel I’m over focusing on the guy I’ve slept with. I don’t think I would have slept with him were I not very tipsy, although it was good. Damn alcohol!

@RayoftheTriffids could you maybe simply ask her straight how she was feeling about things? I respond better to being direct myself. She might be thinking you aren't messaging her and have lost interest.

I'm just having a think about alternative apps having been out recently with friends who met years back on some weird app. Are there any good alternatives to the big Tinders and Bumbles these days?

@StartingAgain33 personally I try and see it from reversing it, how would you feel if you slept with someone who you were keen on and they then continued dating others? Often I read on these threads that women want exclusivity after sex however perhaps you just need to have a chat with him.

@StartingAgain33

Maybe worth a quick phone chat with him about taking things slower?

TBH everyone has a different perspective on this - some people get 100% attached after intimacy, others are more chilled and expect everyone is dating around? So I'd just communicate with him about expectations.

I actually have desexed my early meets and am consciously keeping them on neutral territory with very little alcohol (sadly as I'm gagging for it )

as I think it's just too confusing in the early stages and leads to layers where there shouldn't be?

I mean I don't have an issue with shagging someone and never seeing them again, but it just blurs boundaries and expectations a lot.

Especially with apps, as I think there's just "too much opportunity for both parties to meet new single people".

So the chances are if both parties are multiple dating as well, or multiple swiping, it just makes everything complicated!

@RayoftheTriffids Have you messaged her?

@JustAnother0ldMan Seems very sexualised, either she wants FWB or she thinks her best attribute is her body.
I'd be worried about scams as well.
Can you put her photo into tineye.com abd see what the returns are?

ray I hate to say this, but to my mind a waning of messaging compared to how it's consistently been for a period of time does signify a shift in interest. We often talk on this thread about how it only takes a few seconds to check in, no matter how busy you are - on the loo maybe? A quick message to say 'really busy, catch up later' is all it takes. If your gut is telling you something, your gut is usually right.

I sincerely hope I'm wrong. Either way, a checking in message from you, with maybe a little 'everything ok?' which can be interpreted however she wants, should bring some clarity - good or bad. Good luck, I hope it all turns out to be good.

@SortingItOut - not yet. I kinda felt that I’d messaged more over the last week or so was just leaving it to see what would happen. I think also I’d made my wish for things to carry on very clear. I’m inclined to do what @eesha suggests but just undecided whether to leave it a couple of days.

@Eesha - I’ve tried coffee meets bagel and hinge which were ok. Slightly less mad than the big 2 I thought.

@RayoftheTriffids Hinge has never seemed to work for me, I must have got 1000+ likes on Tinder and Bumble and OKCUPID but less than 10 to date on Hinge. I genuinely believe I'm not cool enough for Hinge!

@WeWantTheFinestWines - yes I think you’re right, and that’s what I’m afraid of. It’s just a bit out of the blue, ho hum. I guess I should bite the bullet and message tonight.

@Eesha - ha. I’m definitely not cool. But I definitely didn’t get as many matches as the other two.

I totally agree with alcohol being a bad decision for a date ‚0‘ or even a 1st date. I‘m not a ‚i‘ll just have the one’ kind of person either. I think this is why i ended up with MrNeighbour. We both got tipsy the first time we met then drunk the next. But then with MrE who has never drank and won‘t ever i felt quite judged when i did. Finding a good balance its whats needed really, i think i‘d stick to a coffee date ‚0‘ given that i know what i‘m like when i‘ve had a drink.

@Eesha

I tried Hinge and got hardly any action from there - maybe I need more Instagram worthy photos! But I know some people have had some success.

I guess if you are trying different apps maybe just cycle through them and see what they throw up, and change apps and profile to mix things up? Cuffing season soon as well.

I'm "contacted out" as I'm trying to get a social life going in new city as well, so breaking from bumble - I'd say it's thrown up enough though #cityliving

@SpringlikeBunk I kinda feel my photos are selfies with the odd activity whereas on Hinge, people are skydiving etc plus have really clear pictures! I'm trying Mingle at present but again really old men are contacting me?! I would just like at least one decent chat on the go but coming up with nothing on all fronts.

@RayoftheTriffids, is your communication always pretty much text messages? Has there been any discussion about the next date? Maybe you could suggest a date and see what her response is?

@JustThisLastLittleBit, great to see you back and lovely to hear that things are going so well with Mr GN still.

@Eesha

Yeh definitely - my photos are flattering and accurate and recent (which is key for me - I feel being as or slightly more attractive than my photos means first meets go well, guys want to extend, or seriously date etc)

but I felt they were a bit dowdy compared to all the impressive artsy Hinge shots!

@Onesmallstep67 - yes mostly text. But not that many. I suggested a couple of dates last week. She said she’d see how she’s fixed but never got back to me. If I had a date fixed then I would be more confident that she’s just pre-occupied rather than losing interest.