I’m 3 months into a new relationship with a man I knew years ago. I always fancied him but he wasn’t into me. We lost touch after I went to uni, he stayed in our home town and got married. I contacted him over the years, mostly between my two long term relationships. He always seemed very focused on how attractive/slim I am ‘now’. He contacted me very very soon after his wife left him (I didn’t know at the time but it was 2/3 days). We met up, one thing led to another and we’ve been dating since. He told me he loved me very quickly and I reciprocated very enthusiastically. I felt head over heels and couldn’t believe he finally loved me.
I’m sure there are red flags in some of the backstory but I still mostly feel that I really am in love with him. There are some minor things bothering me though, mostly about money.
I work in a large firm I joined as a graduate. I’ve worked my way up the ladder and earn a very good salary in a part of the country with low cost of living. New guy was very nosy about my income from day 1, googling my job and firm to find out what I might earn. Asked lots of direct questions until I told him an approximate figure. He became belligerent and argumentative, told me that it wasn’t much money and he earns 10k more than me anyway. Now, I don’t particularly care what he earns as I can and do support myself, but the way he reacted was really odd. It seemed like he was trying to put me down/in my place and it was interesting that he volunteered no information about his own income until he knew mine and could compare. Also, I have some very good reasons to believe he doesn’t earn the money he claims he does.
He left his phone open with a WhatsApp conversation on the screen in which he was ‘bragging’ really grossly to a new friend of his about how much money I earn and that I’ve agreed to get him (this friend I’ve never met) a job in my firm. Needless to say I’d said no such thing and never would.
I make sure I pay for at least half of our dates and offer to pay for them all. We’ve enjoyed some very nice meals out and some lovely hotels so I’ve spent good money on him and vice versa. One morning we went to a cafe for breakfast and he disappeared off to the toilet after we’d both finished eating. He was taking a while and I felt awkward waiting for him in front of empty plates in a busy place so paid and found him outside smoking. He shouted at me for ‘embarrassing’ him by paying. This was a £15 bill when he’d been fine with my buying dinner and hotel rooms. 10 minutes later he apologised and said his outburst was because he isn’t used to women paying for things, that no woman has ever so much as bought him a drink before and he doesn’t know how to handle it.
He’s asked me a lot about what savings I have, and tells me he has great business ideas for me to invest in. Is very keen to bring this up in frequent conversations and talks about introducing me to business associates of his.
Despite supposedly earning more money than me, being 4 years older than me (40 years old), living in a very inexpensive part of the country and never moving out of our home town, has never owned property. Obviously there’s no problem with renting but it just doesn’t make sense for someone in his supposed position.
Within a week of meeting up he was talking very seriously about living together. Seemed very keen on me selling my home and us buying somewhere together. When I took it at face value and asked how we would structure it, what sort of price range we’d be considering, he fluffed around and gave me some noncommittal answer about how I should definitely buy it myself for my own legal protection. It seems like he just wants me to provide somewhere for him to live that’s convenient for him and to his taste. He’s living back with his parents as he generously (in his words) let his wife stay in their rented home.
We were at a local pub a couple of nights ago - just the two of us (and nobody we knew in there), and were taking it in turns to buy the drinks. It’s a very standard pub I’ve visited many times, where a glass of wine is around £5-6 and there’s nothing expensive by the glass. A pint of lager/ale and a glass of wine is always